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Substance Abuse
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<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 618131" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>That is the question that bothers me most. My husband and I don't do drugs, don't drink to excess. We're not against a few glasses of wine or cider every now and then, but we don't get drunk. We do smoke, but we tried very hard not to smoke in front of him growing up and he saw us stop and start and try to quit and fail. We don't smoke in our own home - ever - we go outside. As I said, we're very honest and law-abiding. We would starve before we'd steal. I'm not saying we're saints. We both tried pot in our youth. We both drank to excess in our youth. But we talked with our son, (after all, everyone knows kids will experiment - didn't we all?) and emphasised the dangers of excess and always, always, stressed that work and school come first - party later.</p><p> </p><p>I once had a friend tell me, when talking about telling our kids about the birds and the bees, "If you tell them, 'We don't approve and don't want you doing this, but if you do use a condom.' you're giving them permission." Sometimes I wonder if our attempts at open and honest talks with him when he was 15 or 16, telling him, "We don't want you to drink, but kids do, so if you do don't drive." or "We don't want you to smoke pot, it's illegal, we know you may, and we don't approve, but if you do at least be somewhere safe and don't drive." Maybe that was giving him permission? </p><p> </p><p>In my heart I don't believe that...but it does run through my mind. </p><p> </p><p>My husband and I have tried very hard to handle things as a united front my son's whole life. husband is more strict; the product of a very religious household, the Marines and 20 years working for corrections. But we never argued in front of our son about discipline. Unfortunately, that means my son learned husband is afraid I'll give in and give money. He wanted to close my son's bank account entirely - it's a student account we can access, but he can't access ours. But I refused. There is the off chance of a real emergency. But I've given him my word I won't - and told my son that I've done so - and if nothing else, my son knows I keep my word.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 618131, member: 17309"] That is the question that bothers me most. My husband and I don't do drugs, don't drink to excess. We're not against a few glasses of wine or cider every now and then, but we don't get drunk. We do smoke, but we tried very hard not to smoke in front of him growing up and he saw us stop and start and try to quit and fail. We don't smoke in our own home - ever - we go outside. As I said, we're very honest and law-abiding. We would starve before we'd steal. I'm not saying we're saints. We both tried pot in our youth. We both drank to excess in our youth. But we talked with our son, (after all, everyone knows kids will experiment - didn't we all?) and emphasised the dangers of excess and always, always, stressed that work and school come first - party later. I once had a friend tell me, when talking about telling our kids about the birds and the bees, "If you tell them, 'We don't approve and don't want you doing this, but if you do use a condom.' you're giving them permission." Sometimes I wonder if our attempts at open and honest talks with him when he was 15 or 16, telling him, "We don't want you to drink, but kids do, so if you do don't drive." or "We don't want you to smoke pot, it's illegal, we know you may, and we don't approve, but if you do at least be somewhere safe and don't drive." Maybe that was giving him permission? In my heart I don't believe that...but it does run through my mind. My husband and I have tried very hard to handle things as a united front my son's whole life. husband is more strict; the product of a very religious household, the Marines and 20 years working for corrections. But we never argued in front of our son about discipline. Unfortunately, that means my son learned husband is afraid I'll give in and give money. He wanted to close my son's bank account entirely - it's a student account we can access, but he can't access ours. But I refused. There is the off chance of a real emergency. But I've given him my word I won't - and told my son that I've done so - and if nothing else, my son knows I keep my word. [/QUOTE]
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