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an update - not so good
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 275509" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>MIsseeeeeee! </p><p> </p><p>WELL GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU GIRL!!!!! Wondered what happened to you and your son. And ahhhhh yes....the rollercoaster ride that is our children rears it's ugly head. </p><p> </p><p>I have often wondered over the years if I took Dude in one day to 5 psychiatrists and said "Will you give me your opinion of what his problem is?" how many answers I would have gotten to exactly what is wrong with my kid. I'd bet that you would get five opinions all varying from one to another. I thought of my son for so many years like a Rubics Cube. You know, if I could solve one problem, then another, then another I could put him in working order. </p><p> </p><p>In theory? It's a nice thought or an organized one at best. Kids and people just don't get healed like that. There are SO many variances and factors that are different - psychiatrists have a good working idea and a lot of models but nothing really can prepare you for a kid like ours. There just really isn't enough study done. So we're left with cookie cutter - solutions that just done fit. Our therapist said one cure fits all - does not apply to Dude. He was right. </p><p> </p><p>I can't live with my son. I love him. I would do ANYTHING for him. But I can't live with him. If I can have a day with him - 8 hours where we actually get along and have fun? It's a bonus. And I live for the good days. I keep their memory right up front for when the ugly child returns and everyone throws their hands up in the air and says "THAT IS IT. or I AM DONE WITH HIM." well ya know - I'd like to be done with that particular part of him too - the yelling, the YOU NEVER LISTEN, the screaming, the threatining to break things - and all that carp. But they're a part of him. </p><p> </p><p>So I do like you do - I tell him DINNER? Anytime. (mostly) and as far as living with us? OH.....my DF makes it VERY CLEAR that he will NEVER live with us again. Which to a point is fine - but when you start to drive that point into the wall? Makes me think I have 2 difficult child's - lol. </p><p> </p><p>There is in most cities a day labor place. Doesnt sounds so romatic - but it's a cash daily system. I remember the first time someone told ME to tell DUde about that and I thought "Yeah ? My kid is brighter than THAT." and then I drove by - and saw people out there who had jobs, lost them - and were dressed VERY nicely - for construction labor posiitions. </p><p> </p><p>I think the key to the success in having your kids move out is keeping them out. I kept telling myself IF you take him back? He'll never leave. He'll be 50 and still living here. While it doesn't bother me that he's 18 and would/could move back home now - if I did let him I'm setting the stage for having an adult difficult child living with me in my golden years. Not gonna happen and I'd rather have the hard stuff happen now - while he's young and can make it happen than to coddle him and try to push him out when he's 40, 50 - and sharing my polygrip. </p><p> </p><p>I have to tell my inner Mom to shut up - and let my outer rhino skin talk for me sometimes. So I'll send you my extra rhino skin suit. </p><p> </p><p>Dinner? fine - Living with you again? NO. Suggesting that his choices got him where he is and figure it out? PRICELESS......(really it is) </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>STar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 275509, member: 4964"] MIsseeeeeee! WELL GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU GIRL!!!!! Wondered what happened to you and your son. And ahhhhh yes....the rollercoaster ride that is our children rears it's ugly head. I have often wondered over the years if I took Dude in one day to 5 psychiatrists and said "Will you give me your opinion of what his problem is?" how many answers I would have gotten to exactly what is wrong with my kid. I'd bet that you would get five opinions all varying from one to another. I thought of my son for so many years like a Rubics Cube. You know, if I could solve one problem, then another, then another I could put him in working order. In theory? It's a nice thought or an organized one at best. Kids and people just don't get healed like that. There are SO many variances and factors that are different - psychiatrists have a good working idea and a lot of models but nothing really can prepare you for a kid like ours. There just really isn't enough study done. So we're left with cookie cutter - solutions that just done fit. Our therapist said one cure fits all - does not apply to Dude. He was right. I can't live with my son. I love him. I would do ANYTHING for him. But I can't live with him. If I can have a day with him - 8 hours where we actually get along and have fun? It's a bonus. And I live for the good days. I keep their memory right up front for when the ugly child returns and everyone throws their hands up in the air and says "THAT IS IT. or I AM DONE WITH HIM." well ya know - I'd like to be done with that particular part of him too - the yelling, the YOU NEVER LISTEN, the screaming, the threatining to break things - and all that carp. But they're a part of him. So I do like you do - I tell him DINNER? Anytime. (mostly) and as far as living with us? OH.....my DF makes it VERY CLEAR that he will NEVER live with us again. Which to a point is fine - but when you start to drive that point into the wall? Makes me think I have 2 difficult child's - lol. There is in most cities a day labor place. Doesnt sounds so romatic - but it's a cash daily system. I remember the first time someone told ME to tell DUde about that and I thought "Yeah ? My kid is brighter than THAT." and then I drove by - and saw people out there who had jobs, lost them - and were dressed VERY nicely - for construction labor posiitions. I think the key to the success in having your kids move out is keeping them out. I kept telling myself IF you take him back? He'll never leave. He'll be 50 and still living here. While it doesn't bother me that he's 18 and would/could move back home now - if I did let him I'm setting the stage for having an adult difficult child living with me in my golden years. Not gonna happen and I'd rather have the hard stuff happen now - while he's young and can make it happen than to coddle him and try to push him out when he's 40, 50 - and sharing my polygrip. I have to tell my inner Mom to shut up - and let my outer rhino skin talk for me sometimes. So I'll send you my extra rhino skin suit. Dinner? fine - Living with you again? NO. Suggesting that his choices got him where he is and figure it out? PRICELESS......(really it is) Hugs STar [/QUOTE]
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