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<blockquote data-quote="Chele" data-source="post: 94539" data-attributes="member: 4189"><p>witzend,</p><p></p><p></p><p>I feel the same as you. My husband has depression and is entirely not motivated to work around the house. I found that if I tell him that I am setting an appointment for an estimate, that he has to be home to meet with them and pay for it, then it gets his attention. I just state, you need to do it by blank date or I'm setting the appointment. If he choices to do it, we go to the calendar right then and pick the date. I don't nag anymore, it just make me angry and I get nothing solved except a good old fight. I just do the above a few times, and when I talk of a new project he listens and jumps. I appreciate the money issue, but if he needed up putting one small hired project on the credit card, he will probably get a bit more motivated the next time you say will will do it. We, too, have discussed selling the house and getting a condo, still pending on that one.</p><p></p><p>I personally don't think you should lower your expectations or detach on either issue. I think you deserve to have half of the house work done by him or his hired help and I think any woman deserves to have per personal female needs met as well. </p><p></p><p>I finally sat him down one night with a list of all the chores that needed to be done regularly and we divided then up equally. I set the days and times of our chores to be the same as much as possible so I can say, OK-- lets do our chores and then we can watch a movie together or eat together- whatever. Once I stated helping him to get organized and set the routine, he got used to it and does it right them. Its the big projects like painting, outside work, etc. that I have to deal with each project separately. Its a bit tiring but if the job gets done, I am happy. </p><p></p><p>My husband was on depression medication that did lower his sex drive and we got it changed. He has never been an affectionate person from day one, I guess, I never really needed that. </p><p></p><p>Maybe you could get his hormone medication in a container and give it to him with his meals, and nicely make remarks of how you REALLY don't want him to stop taking it, because of.... you finish the sentence. I would try to make it fun and light hearted maybe. I have to take hormone pills because I have too much testosterone. So- its really nothing to be ashamed of. I just joke about it and say things like, I better not forget my pills, I may turn into a man any day.. </p><p></p><p>Last thought- I know when my husband is under more stress or upset, he gets more depressed, withdrawn, sleeps more and less motivated. Over the years, depression levels can change and he has had to have his medication changed a few times due to parents death, work issues and kid stress. I sure have learned a lot, there sure is no cure and its an ongoing battle and maybe he just needs some adjusting on his medications. MY husband also has sleep apna and is preparing to get his first air mask. I hear that they really can help with energy, memory and blood pressure issues.</p><p></p><p>Good luck, hope I helped some. </p><p></p><p>Chele</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Chele, post: 94539, member: 4189"] witzend, I feel the same as you. My husband has depression and is entirely not motivated to work around the house. I found that if I tell him that I am setting an appointment for an estimate, that he has to be home to meet with them and pay for it, then it gets his attention. I just state, you need to do it by blank date or I'm setting the appointment. If he choices to do it, we go to the calendar right then and pick the date. I don't nag anymore, it just make me angry and I get nothing solved except a good old fight. I just do the above a few times, and when I talk of a new project he listens and jumps. I appreciate the money issue, but if he needed up putting one small hired project on the credit card, he will probably get a bit more motivated the next time you say will will do it. We, too, have discussed selling the house and getting a condo, still pending on that one. I personally don't think you should lower your expectations or detach on either issue. I think you deserve to have half of the house work done by him or his hired help and I think any woman deserves to have per personal female needs met as well. I finally sat him down one night with a list of all the chores that needed to be done regularly and we divided then up equally. I set the days and times of our chores to be the same as much as possible so I can say, OK-- lets do our chores and then we can watch a movie together or eat together- whatever. Once I stated helping him to get organized and set the routine, he got used to it and does it right them. Its the big projects like painting, outside work, etc. that I have to deal with each project separately. Its a bit tiring but if the job gets done, I am happy. My husband was on depression medication that did lower his sex drive and we got it changed. He has never been an affectionate person from day one, I guess, I never really needed that. Maybe you could get his hormone medication in a container and give it to him with his meals, and nicely make remarks of how you REALLY don't want him to stop taking it, because of.... you finish the sentence. I would try to make it fun and light hearted maybe. I have to take hormone pills because I have too much testosterone. So- its really nothing to be ashamed of. I just joke about it and say things like, I better not forget my pills, I may turn into a man any day.. Last thought- I know when my husband is under more stress or upset, he gets more depressed, withdrawn, sleeps more and less motivated. Over the years, depression levels can change and he has had to have his medication changed a few times due to parents death, work issues and kid stress. I sure have learned a lot, there sure is no cure and its an ongoing battle and maybe he just needs some adjusting on his medications. MY husband also has sleep apna and is preparing to get his first air mask. I hear that they really can help with energy, memory and blood pressure issues. Good luck, hope I helped some. Chele [/QUOTE]
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