And now she lost her job.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by accmama, Oct 14, 2013.

  1. accmama

    accmama Guest

    So now difficult child is 19, has no money, no job, no place to live. The only thing she has left is a car that is very old and can't be trusted. Not only that, her car insurance expires at the end of this month.

    How much worse can it get?

    I texted her a list of local programs that can help her. One, I spoke to myself and was told that she can come tomorrow for temp living and that she can stay up to 60 days while they get her into their 2 year program.

    I am praying she can get in there.

    Detaching is nearly impossible right now. I'm a nervous wreck. I cannot have her live here. She's awful to me on the phone. I can only imagine life with her in this house with little ones witnessing every incident.

    I feel like a fool asking for assistance for her, when they are probably thinking "why don't YOU take her back. She's your daughter" I hesitate to tell them she'll make my life a living hell if she lives here because that might scare them off from helping her.

    This is so hard. SO SO HARD.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Mamakathy. Yes, it is very hard, I know. Right now, you've done all you can do for the moment. Take some deep breaths and make an attempt to do something, anything, to refocus........take a walk, go to a movie, have your nails need distractions from this so we can calm down. Sending hugs and warm wishes for peace.............
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Honey, don't worry about what they think. While some of your acquaintance may think why you are not letting her stay with you even though it is not any of their business, I'm sure those who ran the shelters and assistance programs have seen it all so many times that they know full well why you can't let her back to your house even though she is your daughter and you love her. Unfortunately you are not likely first or second they meet in similar situation.

  4. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    I am here too, mamakathy. As horrible as this feels, you are not alone with it. We have been where you are, now. The advice you have received from others of us ~ about taking care of yourself, about finding a time and a way to de-stress, is critically important. Making self care a priority will help you get through this. A hot bath behind a locked bathroom door will help, for tonight. It sounds so silly when our child is in danger, but lighting a white candle for her will help you to focus. I would envision the light from the candle, and the love with which it was done, as somehow being able to bring my child home. Whatever your spiritual beliefs are, envisioning your child in the palm of God's hands (and I usually put myself in there, too) will bring a measure of peace.

    Sometimes, there just aren't any words.

    In most states, there is a toll-free number you can call. Anonymously, you tell the person on the other end what is going on. He or she is trained to know which programs are out there in your area, and to give you the numbers for them. The number in my area is: 211
    The program is run by United Way. If you do not have response from 211, Google United Way. They will have the number for your state. Canada has the same sort of program. Information and Referral is what it is called, here. If this fails, go to the blue government pages of your phone book. Look under Social Services, then look for Information and Referral. If that fails, call the crisis line for your area's mental health center. They will know where to direct you for more information. If none of these programs are available, or if they don't provide the information you need, call homeless shelters in your area and ask for someone who is aware of programs available for young adults in crisis.

    I'm so sorry this is happening, mamakathy.

  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry you are in such a bad place.

    I agree that now more than ever you need to nurture yourself and de-stress. Do you have a therapist? Do you go to any support groups like NAMI, AA, or NA? Do you have have any supportive friends or family close by? You have been a wonderful mother and you still are. It is not your fault that your daughter is choosing to abuse you to the point where you know you can't handle it. She is aware that if she would be respectful and follow your rules, she could come home. You did not make her leave. She made the decision when she disregarded your very reasonable rules.

    Big hugs and tons of understanding.