And so...the parents deconstructed the nest.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Scent of Cedar *, Mar 6, 2014.

  1. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Every year, a pair of eagles builds a nest a few blocks from our house. Everyone on the island watches the nest, celebrates when the babies fly free, watches for the parents' return the following year. It is quite a topic of conversation, here. It turns out that last year, the baby eaglets would not leave the nest...so the parents deconstructed it from under them.

    True story.

    Cedar
     
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  2. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    That is a great story. I like the one you told about your happy family of kittens as well. I had the same experience...my wonderful cat (Echo! my screen name) had a litter of kittens...she took SUCH good care of them, she was so devoted to them, and each time we gave one away she ran around the house frantically looking for it, and herding the other babies together so she could be sure they were safe. It was heartbreaking. We decided to keep the last one for her, because it seemed too much for her to lose them all...and you know what? after another month or so she couldn't frieking stand him. He used to come up to as he had when he was a kitten, back up to be cleaned or licked, and she would hiss and swipe at him. Once he came walking into the living room and she was lying on the back of the couch, and she looked at him with such predatory venom that I couldn't believe it...he looked up at her, saw what I saw, and squeaked, jumped, and ran out of the room. I didn't imagine it. He saw it too. She was never as happy again. He wasn't supposed to be there.

    And you know what? He grew up weird and kind of dysfunctional too. Nature's way, as you said.
     
  3. Echolette

    Echolette Well-Known Member

    Actually, I have another story...this one human. My best friend from my 20's had an only child when she was close to 40. She came from a highly dysfunctional family of alcoholics, and her marriage was short lived...just long enough to make a baby. She loved that kid beyond beyond...I used to feel kind of guilty that I didn't have the same obsession as she did. That was the era when babies were NOT to ever lie on their belly...so she never never let him. So much so that he didn't learn to crawl...at his one year check up the pediatrician asked her to put him on the floor face down and he lay there and sort of flopped like a fish. He had no strength in his back or limbs to roll over or get himself up. The pediatrician said, gently...you have to let him lie on the floor sometimes.
    He's fine now. At least, no neurologic issues...he is a bit of a difficult child...I told her about the forum. But that part is neither here nor there. She loved him so much, and held him so close, that he could only wiggle like a fish out of water when he was a year old.
    True story, Cedar!
     
  4. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    There is an old British saying:

    "Let your children go and they will come back...
    Try to keep hold of them and they will leave for ever."

    It doesn't mean that you'll never get rid of them physically, but that they will remain close in spirit.
     
  5. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    This is getting to be an amazing thread. There is another kitten story. husband wanted to save one of the two kittens a different cat had. Eventually, that kitten grew up to poop on husband's pillow, poop on our bed in the night if husband was gone. He would come home in the morning and there would be cat poop right on the comforter I was sleeping beneath.

    It was the strangest thing. We had the cat euthanized. We always attribute it to having moved the cat from one house to another and back again. (Cabin to town to cabin and etc.)

    But now, I am wondering whether it was because he lived with his mother and was harmed by that.

    We still have the mother cat. She has just lately become so affectionate again that husband and I comment on it all the time.
    She has been nervous and flighty for so long that coming out of her shell the way she has lately is quite something.

    Could it be that it has taken her all these years to recover, herself?

    What an extraordinary thing to think about.

    Cedar
     
  6. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That is beautiful, Lucy.

    We do begin to hold on too tight, to take control of the tiniest details as we watch for evidence of drugs and so on. This thread was perfect for the stage of detachment I am entering. When I began changing my behaviors toward my kids, it was only because one or two of us here had found detachment had helped their difficult children to get better.

    I was on the detachment bandwagon like, the next day.

    Now? I am seeing how all these things could have become so tangled as we all (my kids, too) responded to the imbalances created by the illness, by the drug use.

    No villain.

    A clear rationale for healthy change and finally, an answer as to what may have happened, and why.

    This site is amazing.

    Thanks, guys!

    Cedar
     
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