and the mailman came early......

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Dec 24, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    and delivered another cut card, several of them to my home for easy child ofcourse!!

    Funny thing is and i have to try to find laughter in all of this, i really do or i'll scream he the postman usually comes late and I miss the mail!! LOL

    Yet today, there's that delivery :) poor guy he probably wanted to bang it out and go enjoy his holiday.

    Merry Christmas easy child you are now suspended!! Ok the letter didn't say that yet it should of, they timed it well, huh..? I guess the school's getting fed up, last mos. was in house for telling off a teacher, this mos. she's now graduated to full suspension. Hmm problem cause she got 3 or 4 cut cards in a week. Also when this school gives out a 4 p.m. detention that means you did something really bad.

    So, get this she has a 4 p.m. detention two of them and then the suspension. I"m glad I reached out to that guidance counselor last week.

    I guess this will all be tackled in the new year, the new job, transitioning difficult child into fact Mom works again and easy child, and meeting for her i'm going to have a hard time explaining to a new job yea sorry i've been here fora week but i need time off.

    I gotta say I adore my kids, I really do. I feel like it's my time now to some extent. I really do. That may seem wrong, yet I"ve been holding at the gate for almost a year now, caring for difficult child getting her functional. It's time for me to fly again. I guess i'm just going to have to figure out how to do that and manage these children of mine like everyone else does. They just require time as we all know. difficult child alone i had to quite my old job, throw easy child issues into the mix and meetings for her i'm giong to be buried.

    Yet she's mine also and obviously needs me bigtime. She's probably cutting to be with boyfriend since she's been grounded now. I confronted her on it and just said oh well you are suspended now, and told her why. The usual oh their crazy blah blah blah. I said baby girl it is what it is, how can you lie your way outta this one! your either present and accounted for or your not.

    ahhh such is life. I don't want to come down on her today and ruin our holiday. I guess my fit will hold. :mad:
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I understand the time to fly. You also have to do what you have to do to have your family financially stable. AND you need other sources of stimulation, as an adult.

    I am sorry the school notices came today. Let the fit wait. Christmas should be "truce time" as one wise parent said on the PE forum!


  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Oh Jennifer, what a Christmas present!!! I am so sorry you had to get that today.

    You should fly. You deserve a life too. I believe you have given me very similar advice. I know how much easier it is to suggest to someone else than actually live it. I do the same on here all of the time. But it is true, we need to be able to live our lives as well as navigate our children's lives. You have given all of yourself to your kids. There is nothing wrong with taking a little back and using it to fuel your own life!!! So fly away girl!!!

    Have a wonderful holiday. God bless.

    Shawna :)
  4. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    So sorry that you got that today.

    I know how you feel only to well with regard to thinking that this should be your time now.
    I feel the same but cant for the life of me see how I can move on from this situation in the long term. I would so like to work but I seem to go from one disater to another with ALL the kids.

    If only there was a shut off valve or a way we could get more out of life without all this worry,
    As you well know the PCs can be as troublesome as the difficult children.

    Try to enjoy the holiday Jennifer and maybe you could tell me if you come up with the solution!!!
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Here I go again. I understand how you feel but you have a 6 YO. As I'm sure she'll remind when she's older, she didn't ask to be born. So, no, it is not qiute your time to fly. To crawl, yes. Maybe even to stand up straight and walk, but to run or fly, no. If it was just your older one, I'd tell you to soar with the eagle, not just fly a little but with a little one, your first responsibility is to her. When she's older, then it's your time to fly, so long as you don't have another little one.

    I do understand your need to find a way to earn an income but you may discover that you really can't do a job that sends you away for training right now. I'm hopeful that you won't have to work really long hours to make up for not working 9-5 but I have my doubts. I wish this wasn't such a dream job for you but it may be one you'll discover you can't do with the needs of your children. It really stinks to be a parent sometimes, but we did take on the responsibility and sometimes we're stuck with that responsibility far more than the average parent.

    As to your teen, I think I'd be seeing if the school could find someone to escort to each and every class until she figures out cutting is not an option. You can't force her to do any work but you can certainly try to force her into class. I don't envy you this one. My daughter was a pro at cutting, even when escorted to the door of the classroom. She'd just wait until her escort left and then leave herself and mine didn't even have a boyfriend issue, just a school loathing.

    I think I'd sit boyfriend down and tell him he has a choice. Make sure she doesn't cut class to be with him or understand that they will never have any other alone time together until she's out of the house and regardless of what is said, you will be assuming every cut is to be with him. Maybe make it that every cut adds a week to the time they can't be alone. He may just surprise you and work for the goal of being able to date her in the future.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sorry, Jennifer...((HUGS))
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ugh. What a present! My oldest daughter used to cut and they tried to tell us we'd get arrested if she kept cutting. That scared her enough that she sort of stopped. For a while.
    I can't speak for you. I still can't cut and run and do exactly what I want. I've been a mom of five and three are grown. My 15 year old is on the autism spectrum and my 12 year old is just becoming hormonal. As much as I'd love to just do my own thing completely, I can't. I can write--I love writing and have published many books online (and made some money doing it). But I can't just go back to college, work full time, and hang with my friends and forget I have kids. Yeah, I did my time, BUT I also ASKED for that time. We all do when we have kids. in my opinion teens need us more than little ones very often. I think taking time for yourself is a great idea. But I don't think letting your daughter, who still needs you (even though she doesn't know it) plus the little ones be on the backburner will make you feel good in the longrun. When we sign up for kids, we give up a lot of Just-Me-First time. This, of course, is just my opinion. I figure that I'll have lots of time when my youngest is 18 (and actually I'll be 60 when she's 18!!!). But that still gives me twenty years to do what I want ;) We have long life expenctencies in my family.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    hi guys and thanks. I'll deal, had a woe is me moment, but it's over. Short lived this time.

    I appreicate the support on a holiday, I just needed to vent it out. It helps. It was sort of laughable as well on xmas eve day and all. LOL. you have to find the humor in stuff or you lose it.

    Anyhow, Meowbunny - difficult child will be ten this feb. i'm not sure yet maybe you were thinking she was boyfriend's youngest. Yet whether she's 10 or 6 fact remains it is what it is. It has nothing to do with her asking to be born or not, lol. I love my kids, as does all of us. Its a simple fact of life I need to earn a living and make money. That for me, still technically being a single parent is a fact of life and just a reality. boyfriend and I are not married, I got a grace period for 10 mos. which was great, i wouldn't of been able to do it without him. yet reality prevails and that is i have bills that are piling up, car payment not being met, we all know the deal.

    So, when i said flying I didn't mean ooh time to fly the coop in anyway i just meant time for me to get moving and working. Dream job, yea to an extent it's a great opportunity for me to do some good, earn money and also learn alot more about how to be the best parent i can be for difficult child. hands down.

    So, in closing I was venting, I get frustrated at times. Everytime I get ready to go back to work it seems like something rather significant happens to hold me back and make me rethink my decision. That cant and wont' happen this time, unless something absolutely horrible happened.

    Itll be a trust test to my juggling skills and my newfound anti anxiety ridden self, and finally non depressed self. For a while there it was iffy at best. yet now my head is screwed on straight as I previously found it, lol. I'm slowly learning it's not about what is thrown at you it's about how you handle it.

    Lemon into lemonade junk LOL.

    Thanks again!!!!!!! I hope your days are going smoothly.
  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    midwest mom you had books published, wow. sorry i must of been responding at sametime you were. That's quite the accomplishment. Good for you! I love to write as well, yet fact remains right now I have to make money I don't have a choice anymore. I guess I was fortunate enough to have such a long reprieve yet it's money time again for me, i'll figure it out. It's just going to take some careful planning and alot of calm on my part so i dont' set difficult child off.

    Just easy child, wow. I did decide though i'm giving back her cell phone yet getting her one so i can track her little butt so i dont' have to wonder where she is all the time. :) learning, slowly, slowly, slowly LOL
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I knew you were just venting. :)

    If you figure out how that works- please let me know.

    My experience has shown that kids with cell phones (at least difficult child and those in his life) can be anywhere and call and say they are somewhere they are allowed to be. Then, they also refuse to answer if they don't want to hear it's time to come home or whatever. Also, it makes it impossible to discuss anything with another parent if the only numbers exchanged are kids' cell numbers.
  11. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Get a Disney phone. They let you track where the phone is at least.

    Glad you're in a better frame of mind. I knew you didn't mean literally fly the coop but rather you felt you deserved to be an individual and do the things you want and not just a mom. While it is a nice goal and some parents can in fact do that, those of us with kids who have all the problems ours do don't have that luxury. Our kids have to come first 100% of the time. At the same time, it is crucial that we find time for us. Otherwise, we won't survive. Really isn't fair, but it is the way it is.