The flu is the main problem in our house. The communication is fluid. The new fellow who is emerging is a pleasant and co-operative sort. Now we are turning the focus into how to make a means to keep track that all the chores are done and the appointments on the horizon are on the big calendar and the goals and tasks to launch are being followed and met. It feels like we are looking at this next 18 months together and the finish work on this job of making one teenager ready to fly and leave the nest. For me the whole muck and mire of grounding him over the winter break was made more stressfull when my siblings were trying to get us to take the big journey to visit my parents. I had cut off relations some years back for good reason and over a year ago my mother had a near death stroke. She has been making a stellar come back until recently when she went all complex by having some scarry seizures. I had not thought it was a good idea to go see her when she was having such a rough time because it would be emotional and she really did need to just focus on her improving. She is emotional anyway and now she is really having a tough time and I do want to see her sooner than to wait and have her get worse or never see her. So just as we were looking to go. My son got a fever. And now he is having a long lingering cough and I can feel the thing taking root in me. I have felt that fight off feeling for days but now the membranes are all leaking like a damn that wants to break. I had not even been in contact with my siblings or any other family or friends that know her because otherwise she would have been trying to get me to make contact and it is not about her. It is about me. I told my siblings who have really shouldered the health crissis with her beautifully that I am not complicating my burdens by letting her distract me from getting my son successfully on his own. So I have been involved with helping care for her by feeding info by e-mail and looking things up and helping my siblings get the thoughts together to cope as best I can from a far. My mother is bi-polar and it was not easy being her family. I am glade that I have had these years without her contact and it felt weird when I was thinking about it, I had plenty of support encouraging me to take this break and it was weird having the reactions that some people offer when I have shared that I made this choice. but now I am totally reluctant to reestablish contact. What I want to do is go and see her and my Father in person and visit them when I can sometime later this year for a few days some hours per day and have that we are all doing as is ok feeling. What I do not want to do is reestablish over the phone and have phone calls coming and going. For me the phone is just not going to be the choice. Just because we have a little bell that rings in a house or in a pocket does not mean that we want to talk on the phone anytime with whomever. It is not a pleasant past and bi-polar multi calling types...like my Mother... I do not tolerate well. IT is a trigger for me. I just feel so defensive about this relationship and I just can not imagin how I can keep the sanity(such as it is) that my household usually functions in (with the oct-dec excluded) in tact AND have her EVEN JUST CALLING. Anyone relate to this...at all..sort of...a tiny tiny itty biity bit?