I know you from the Early Childhood board--I'll share my husband's story, since my boy seems to be a carbon copy of him. My husband was a stubborn but smart kid, wouldn't listen to anyone exc his different drummer. Really hit the skids about third grade.
Got worse, behavior-wise, every year, drinking every day in high school and drugging frequently. His parents (and I--we started dating in 10th grade) never gave up on him. He graduated h.s. despite frequent detention and several suspensions, always defying whatever authority was at odds with him at the time, including cops. He held steady part time jobs and was serious about saving money to afford college and his girlfriend.
Somehow, with some string pulling by local clergy, went to a prestigous private liberal arts college where he came out middling --some stellar performances, some abysmal. More drinking and drugging and defiance. Through this, he was devoted to art, music, and literature. We were married after we graduated, and thankfully he grew up more and more each year. Hit some bumps in the road and had a bottoming out in his early thirties and we had to divorce. He got his **** together, though, and we remarried. Held some great jobs, now in his best job yet, and eventually we were ready to have kids (started in our late 30s, but we were slow to mature--LOL). He seems to have Aspergers tendencies, as do his dad and his brothers, and is definitely a defiant one for the books. I know how to wear the kid gloves and do the eggshell walk. LOL
The happy ending: he is a wonderful husband and father, good provider, just an all around amazing guy at 42. He drinks one or two beers a week, enjoys a glass of wine now and again, never drugs, still can become obsessed with his computer programming projects or music endeavors, but I can certainly live with that. He is a perfectionist at work--they love him but work him to death. We have lived a great life together, but I have to be the brains of the operation [eta: this is scary] because he has no ability to organize/comprehend things like travel plans, finances, calenders, cooking an entire meal, etc. We just respect each others' strengths and weaknesses. He is brilliant and funny and creative. Such a special man.
He now has very positive relationships with his entire family (he was the third of four boys, each having his own particular set of "issues").
The second part of the story is that we are starting all over with little versions of him...and me... oye.
and to make a long story longer but to add some more positives, my severely ADHD/ADD brilliant, physically and learning disabled 24yo nephew is living his dream of being a rock and roll guitar hero, and supporting himself by bartending at a hotel, and has a long-term girlfriend, is driving a car AND is living on his own. All of these things, none of us thought would EVER happen. Warms the heart.