And when you move out on your own son....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Star*, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Genious abounds in my family -really, my sister is a member of Mense, has an IQ in the 170's. My Mom is brilliant, my father was a math savant and artist. I pale in comparison, but with a family that gifted I figure I'm no dummy either. Okay I have my moments like putting bubble wrap IN my shoes to see if it would make them more comfortable, and there was that time I licked the beater, hit the on switch and bruised my tongue, but other than that...on average I'm a clever girl who would have expected to have a clever son.

    So when he moved out on his own and those TOUGH LOVE lessons hit him smack in the kisser, you would think (because I did) that he would start to understand that Mom wasn't a cash cow, an ogre, or a tightwad. Wouldn't YOU think that on his own living in a group home where he had to PAY for things for himself, cook his food, and get a job to pay back the courts and his probation officer (Gosh that looked weird to type) that he would START to get an inkling of responsibility? Really? Well, I did. Color me dumb. (that's a few shades lighter than genious)

    So I get the call:

    Hi Mom checking in with you.
    /Good how are you?
    Fine, my allergies are bad, I've been bailing hay.
    /You always told me you couldn't cut the grass even with a mask because of those allergies, and now you're bailing hay? WOW!
    MOM, please don't start.
    /(ME? thinking all the years I pushed mowed the yard before the little Snapper came along) Oh okay
    Yeah and Mr X is taking me to get my learners permit
    /(ME? fainting on the floor and slipping in my imaginary vomit)
    OH really? What car are you going to drive for practice?
    Mr X's
    /And what insurance do you think you are under while you are doing this?
    OHHHHH MOM......there you go.....don't worry. Mr. X said all the boys here get insurance under him.
    /(Me? I don't think soo) OH I see and how much is this?
    Sixty dollars a month AND AND MOM? MOM? His brother owns a car lot and I'm going to get one of their cars.
    /(ME? Slippin in that imaginary vomit for the second time) Gosh that's cheaper than mine and I'm a...nevermind. Congratulations
    Yeah....and Mr. X's sisters, husband's son dog just had puppies and I'm going to get one.
    /OH HECK NO YOU ARE NOT. NO, I mean it.
    Well you said (stretching the word out) I could have whatever I wanted when I moved out.
    /(ME? Not a a live whatever) Yes but a dog is expensive and you need to work on your education and....
    Education? No one here has transportation or time for that we're always in the field working school can wait...Mr. X said there is no school close.
    /(ME? No school close or just during harvest?ARGH) That's not what we discussed son, you're to get a GED and pay on your tuition by getting a job.
    Oh yea....I filled out some applications, but I'd have to ride the donkey into work that's why I was going to get a car.
    Mom? You didn't say anything.
    /(ME getting up off the floor for the third time) OHhhh (calmly) I think that you are doing well for yourself. No education, no prospects of it, no job, probation due in a week and you're riding a jack@55 to work....LOVERLY. Does he have a CD player?
    /THE DONKEY. Where else would you put the not otherwise specified CD? Don't answer
    VERY FUNNY MOM. I'm trying to tell you about MY LIFE and you are talking about a jack@55.
    /NO YOU said when you left GED, job, probation and now you are telling me - NO education, you're going to buy a car, pay for insurance, get a dog - what kind of dog?
    A DANE
    /(Me? Down for the 4th time - I should just stay down)
    /WOW -
    Yup, I'm going to get him in a week or so. No one wants him he wasn't the right color.
    And I already know which car I want
    Is that all you can say?
    /No...sounds like you have a plan.
    YUP! And I'm doing it ALL WITHOUT YOUR HELP.
    /Well terrific son.
    Well just wanted to call and tell you how I'm doing.
    /Glad you called. Love you - bye.

    ARE YOU KIDDING ME? If I had a nickle for every time I slapped my hand over my mouth in this conversation my lips would look like a puffer fish.

    IS HE FOR REALity?

    A car, insurance for $60.00 at 17 years and NOT under my policy because Mr. X says he lives under HIS roof not mine. WOnder how THAT plays out when he hits someone? A car from Mr. X's brother's car lot, he works in Mr. X's other brothers fields, he has been told he's NOT going to get an education until he gets his own transportation, and this kid is about as mature as a cow plop on the top of the fertilizer pile, and a DOG, and a Dane to boot? Could he have picked a bigger health risk? Stomach flips, brain swelling and bad hips? I love them, my girlfriend has lost 3 and we showed them when I was younger. I know what happens when/if something happens to that dog? It won't get taken care of and I'll flip. ARRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrGH.


    Honest to pete....and he's going to ride a donkey to work? MY @.

    Now I remember why he's there, and I'm here...and I'm in counseling.


    Thanks for listening....when will the reality fairy wave her wand over difficult child? Does it ever EVER happen?
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm just speechless. :smile:

    Well, he certainly seems to have it all figured out. I wonder if he's going to have to ride that donkey to work so he can earn money to buy the car. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I'd pay money to see that.

    Have these people never heard of bicycles?!!
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


    Stardude may have tons of brain power. This sounds more like common sense issues. And it sounds like he's just gonna have to figure it out the good ol' fashioned hard way.

    Now this car thing sounds like a scam to me. Group home dad tells kids they can't get anywhere, but hey my bro owns a used car lot and will gladly let you difficult child's buy a car off him. Now have you ever run across a lot that will let you buy a car without a job? Makes me wonder what the interest on that loan for what is probably a hunk of junk is gonna be.

    I'm sorry I cracked up Star. I was just thinking the whole time I was reading.....did difficult child even HEAR what he was saying to you?
  4. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    :smile: Holy Moly Batman!

    That boy needs some sense knocked into him. :hammer:

    $60 for insurance huh? Let me know how that pans out the first time he hits someone. Is Mr. X putting that into a fund and going to pay for the fender/bender himself? Cuz I sure don't know any insurance companies who insure for that cheap!
  5. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'd be concerned that he's being used as free labor on one hand and a captive sale on the other. Is this home on the up & up? It seems like a serious conflict on interest that your son is supervised by one brother, laboring in second brother's fields and is being directed to make a major purchase from a third. All the while the first is making promises and undermining his need for an education. Something stinks, Star.
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    OMG..........the not otherwise specified CD in the donkey's mouth.....I will be laughing about that all night. Does he really ride a donkey? Oh man!!!! The mental image that conjures up, is too much!
    And who is this MR. X....he sounds like HE needs a group home, not to be leading a group home!

    Truthfully your difficult child sounds JUST like mine. If he was in a group home, he would do the same thing - especially with the dog! His first goal, when he moves out on his own is guessed it........get a Great Dane!

    It is the common sense factor that apparently seems to be missing in these boys. The a+b=c logic, is simply not in their brains. The real question remains, does it ever land into their little minds, or are they always adding a+b and getting z? Oh God help us!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I have to say I agree with tiredmommy.
    Something just isn't right with this "group home". Make sure you are LEGALLY not liable for any damage he does if he drives. Check with YOUR insurance agent and anyone else you can think of to protect yourself.

    Unfortunately, Only the reality fairy can help your son. He sure isn't going to listen to anyone else.


  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Guess what?????? I just read your post and I exhaled. Yep!

    Enjoy your break. Don't sweat the details. Let your son make
    choices that he and his "new parents" think is appropriate. Just
    thank God that your kid is alive and FAR away for awhile.

    I wouldn't waste ten minutes thinking about the logic of his choices. Truthfully, he may just plain need to feel positive
    about stuff for awhile.

    So to bed early. Sleep soundly. God provided someone else to
    cover the bases. Hugs. DDD
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He is happy, moving ahead (at least in his mind) and not making you ill any longer.

    I say - it is all good!!
  10. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Well, Star:
    Let's look at the positives:
    1. He is working---that's good. I guess you can make a career out of being a farm laborer so..
    2. He won't need an education...
    3. He didn't ask you to pay the insurance. YET!
    4. He didn't ask YOU to buy the car, YET!
    5. He didn't ASK you to help with the dog, YET!
    6. If this doesn't work out and he can't pay his probation and fines, well they do have work farms in the penal system!

    Okay---so his reality is a little skewered to to the left (or the right depending on which side you're looking from!)

    God bless his heart! (That's what I say about my difficult child when he loses touch with reality and thinks out a plan that will be impossible for him to accomplish!
  11. Scent of Cedar I

    Scent of Cedar I New Member

    Remember The Little Prince? We should enjoy the scents and colors of our flowers, but never, never take them seriously.

    It makes sense to me that hard physical labor outside in the sunshine and the wind would be a good thing for Stardude. (I have "made hay" in my time. It's an amazing thing to do, really. Very hard, very sweaty ~ but what a feeling of accomplishment to see the bales come together and then, to see them stack up in the barn.) Once he has that feeling of hard work and accomplishment down pat, he will be in a better position to study and retain information, don't you think?

    If some months go by and there is still no schooling, that would be a very bad thing ~ but you can address that then, if and when it happens, Star.

    This is something someone told me to do, once. I was so worried all the time about everything. What you do is go out and find a jar. A special jar.

    A God jar.

    Take a piece of paper and number it from one to ten. No more than ten. Those are ten things you want help with. Once you write the thing, tear it off and put it in the God jar.

    Let that thing, that worry, go.

    You will be surprised at how the things you put into the God jar have a way of working themselves out.

  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Guys, I love the list. It is what we learned about in hte Love and Logic seminar in Dec ( a friend took me andher daughter in law to listen to Dr. Charles Fay talk).

    He talked about an answer that showed you were listening but were not going to solve it. He went through the audience asking what we would say. It has to be a phrase you repeat, that you can use every time so that it is your second nature. (This gives you time to think of hwat you really want to do/say about the matter.)

    He said that in Brooklyn one teacher in the class came up with "S--ks to be you."

    I like that one for my teen difficult child. Sometimes it just fits when he is griping about Gpa (who he begged to live with!)

    Usually I use, "I don't think I would enjoy that." This has the advantage of stumping the PTA and phone solicitors.

    Star, major eye-rolls for Stardude. Still, if he is under 18, check your insurance!!

  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    (Laughing to myself) because

    1.) EVERYONE knows if you're in the South that "bless his heart" basically excuses everything surrounding a stupid person - but doesn't sound as bad as MAN HE WAS duuuuuumb.

    2.) I attended therapy tonight and told the therapist about the call. HE asked me what I thought and I said "about what?" OH, the call? Well, I guess I have to check with an attorney to see how liable I am for him driving or if there are some papers I need to sign so I don't loose the ranch. haha.

    3.) Visions of JohnBoy Walton in bibs riding a donkey to Ike Godseys store keep running through my head. Excepty my John Boy has AF1's on in colors to match his 3/4 pants, polo and color coordinated T shirt. (Invision if you will) Snoop Dog on a Donkey....Fashizzle. Hope he takes the grill out incase the donkey gets fiesty.

    4.) All very good advice....thanks, and know this. I'm not "involving" myself in his life. There is nothing I can do should he get a car, not get an education (we've begged), become the first Rapper-Field hand (ba boo boo shoop) or get a Great Dane. I'm just glad he didn't get a pit bull. We have one, it's his fav. dog, and if there is a bright spot about this that was it. I'm on the no nitwits with pits band wagon.

    5.) Still looking for the CD play button on the donkeymobile.

    My therapist told me I'm really doing well and coming along. Yeah for me. The rest of my 1 hr. session (52 minutes) I spent talking about ME,the health I'm getting back, the fact that he is there, and I am here, DF, people, Fred Thompson - met him yesterday AWESOME person and his book AWESOME AWESOME book.

    Yes....I too think something smells about the whole situation. I will word it appropriately to the caseworker who suggested this place and then letergooooo.

    THanks for reading.....
    Star - changing her stars.
  15. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Another vote for what kind of a group home is this and how legitimate is it? Even so, given what you were going through, it's better than the alternative, right? RIGHT????

    Well, at least he has some goals and plans. Maybe not ones that make any sense, but something. So, you have a large place and you can put up with one more animal when Stardude discovers he can't afford a Dane, right? RIGHT???? (They are super dogs though!)

    I have this image of a big kid riding a little ole donkey down the farm road with a stack of books tied together with a belt in one hand and a sack lunch in the other. Oh, did I mention the bare feet dragging the ground and the big straw hat? Just think, if the car quits running, he can still do that.
  16. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Is your kid related to mine? Because they have about the same grasp on reality. :hammer:

    Maybe if he gets the Great Dane he can just wait a couple of months and he can ride it. :smile:
  17. Kathie In NY

    Kathie In NY Member

    that cracked me up.It is 12:30 -I am sitting in a dark room with-tears dripping down my face.Your difficult child lives in about the same world of non-reality that mine does.Today mine again asked about The Car.The Car is becoming quite the um lively discussion around here. I think a donkey with-a CD player spewing gangster rap would be a truly novel idea.I might suggest that.She does like to make a staement.
  18. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I'm sorry - when I read this last night, I was LMAO :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:!!! I didn't have time to respond.

    I agree with those who said to let others "enjoy" him for now. Be glad it was only a phone call!!!

    If you find that fairy with the magic wand, please send her this way too!!! Still :rofl: (SORRY) :rofl: WFEN
  19. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    All I can say is HIS genes must have come from the "other" side of the family......
  20. bby31288

    bby31288 Active Member


    SNOOP DOG ON A DONKEY....I can picture it....