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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 146429" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Strong suggestion to pass on to the school - if difficult child is being punished then the other kid should be as well. difficult child shouldn't retaliate, but the kid who triggers him (repeatedly) should also face consequences. Then if the father complains, someone can point out to him that there was fault on both sides and has been for some time. No special favours for difficult child, clearly, if he's being punished as well. And if the father has a problem - then he should tell his son to stay away from difficult child. </p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like this father has scared people away from punishing his son even when he's done the wrong thing. We went through the same thing with difficult child 3 - he was being repeatedly bullied and hit, tripped etc by a group of kids in his class which included twin boys. A number of other parents confided in me that they knew what was going on, their sons had told them about the gang of little thugs but they were too afraid of the gang to confirm it to a teacher. And when we finally did have another child prepared to tell the teacher about the bullying - the teacher simply said, "six kids say it was difficult child 3 who started it, against difficult child 3 and his friend. Six against two, difficult child 3 and his friend must be lying." That teacher had told me at another time, that he knew these kids were constantly hassling difficult child 3. But the problem was, the twins' father was very aggressive and the staff were intimidated by him, and by the fathers of the other gang members. So the staff took the line of least resistance and punished SOMEONE (ie difficult child 3) because they HAD seen him hit the other boys. And the other boys - no consequences at all. If anything, they had the knowledge reinforced, that they could attack difficult child 3 with impunity any time they chose to, and nothing would ever be done.</p><p></p><p>The message this sent to difficult child 3 was a very bad one. He also stopped telling me about incidents and stopped telling his teachers. I'd hear about it from other kids or their parents. It got so that difficult child 3 finally was believing that it was his lot in life to get beaten up but to also get blamed for it.</p><p></p><p>Not good. Not good at all.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 146429, member: 1991"] Strong suggestion to pass on to the school - if difficult child is being punished then the other kid should be as well. difficult child shouldn't retaliate, but the kid who triggers him (repeatedly) should also face consequences. Then if the father complains, someone can point out to him that there was fault on both sides and has been for some time. No special favours for difficult child, clearly, if he's being punished as well. And if the father has a problem - then he should tell his son to stay away from difficult child. It sounds to me like this father has scared people away from punishing his son even when he's done the wrong thing. We went through the same thing with difficult child 3 - he was being repeatedly bullied and hit, tripped etc by a group of kids in his class which included twin boys. A number of other parents confided in me that they knew what was going on, their sons had told them about the gang of little thugs but they were too afraid of the gang to confirm it to a teacher. And when we finally did have another child prepared to tell the teacher about the bullying - the teacher simply said, "six kids say it was difficult child 3 who started it, against difficult child 3 and his friend. Six against two, difficult child 3 and his friend must be lying." That teacher had told me at another time, that he knew these kids were constantly hassling difficult child 3. But the problem was, the twins' father was very aggressive and the staff were intimidated by him, and by the fathers of the other gang members. So the staff took the line of least resistance and punished SOMEONE (ie difficult child 3) because they HAD seen him hit the other boys. And the other boys - no consequences at all. If anything, they had the knowledge reinforced, that they could attack difficult child 3 with impunity any time they chose to, and nothing would ever be done. The message this sent to difficult child 3 was a very bad one. He also stopped telling me about incidents and stopped telling his teachers. I'd hear about it from other kids or their parents. It got so that difficult child 3 finally was believing that it was his lot in life to get beaten up but to also get blamed for it. Not good. Not good at all. Marg [/QUOTE]
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