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Angelic week, horrid weekend
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 197028" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It's not just that it's much more stressful for him, Terry. It's also the way he responds to stress - he really can't help it. He REALLY can't help it. It's full-on panic, tempered with, "It's always like this, nobody understands, everyone is mean to me, they expect too much of me, everybody hates me..." routine. The Doomsday thing, totally OTT because that just happens to be the way their brains are wired when it comes to dealing with conflict.</p><p></p><p>It's like having to help him cope with panic when he's having to endure a surgical procedure that is painful, or he's been in a car accident and needs to be kept calm so he can be medically treated. A challenging assessment task like this is the educational equivalent.</p><p></p><p>Trying to discipline a child out of a panic attack is a recipe for failure. So when he's screaming abuse, keep telling yourself that it's not aimed at you, it's aimed at the problem - it's just that you are forcing him to face it. He is swearing at you in the same way he would swear at you for holding him down so a doctor could give him an injection. It just has to be done and endured. It's not pleasant. But if you need to resolve any problems between you as a result - wait until after it's all over, when he's calming down because it's all done, and THEN say, "Now, about what you were calling me back there. I think maybe we need to talk about that now."</p><p></p><p>He can know that he shouldn't have called you horrible names, but he needs to be calm enough to hear this or there is no point even raising it. Going for a full-on disciplinary hearing isn't necessarily going to solve anything. You try to solve it as much as you can, then back off. Next time you might be able to do a bit more. And then later, a bit more again.</p><p></p><p>Stay calm. Breathe. Think, "I am Buddha, reincarnated. I am the personification of tranquility. I am not being shouted at. Nothing can disturb me."</p><p></p><p>And I hope it helps.</p><p></p><p>been there done that. *shudder*</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child may be very different to mine - mine wouldn't care about the crumples on the page, he would just want it all to go away. I'd be lucky if it was only crumpled...</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 197028, member: 1991"] It's not just that it's much more stressful for him, Terry. It's also the way he responds to stress - he really can't help it. He REALLY can't help it. It's full-on panic, tempered with, "It's always like this, nobody understands, everyone is mean to me, they expect too much of me, everybody hates me..." routine. The Doomsday thing, totally OTT because that just happens to be the way their brains are wired when it comes to dealing with conflict. It's like having to help him cope with panic when he's having to endure a surgical procedure that is painful, or he's been in a car accident and needs to be kept calm so he can be medically treated. A challenging assessment task like this is the educational equivalent. Trying to discipline a child out of a panic attack is a recipe for failure. So when he's screaming abuse, keep telling yourself that it's not aimed at you, it's aimed at the problem - it's just that you are forcing him to face it. He is swearing at you in the same way he would swear at you for holding him down so a doctor could give him an injection. It just has to be done and endured. It's not pleasant. But if you need to resolve any problems between you as a result - wait until after it's all over, when he's calming down because it's all done, and THEN say, "Now, about what you were calling me back there. I think maybe we need to talk about that now." He can know that he shouldn't have called you horrible names, but he needs to be calm enough to hear this or there is no point even raising it. Going for a full-on disciplinary hearing isn't necessarily going to solve anything. You try to solve it as much as you can, then back off. Next time you might be able to do a bit more. And then later, a bit more again. Stay calm. Breathe. Think, "I am Buddha, reincarnated. I am the personification of tranquility. I am not being shouted at. Nothing can disturb me." And I hope it helps. been there done that. *shudder* Your difficult child may be very different to mine - mine wouldn't care about the crumples on the page, he would just want it all to go away. I'd be lucky if it was only crumpled... Marg [/QUOTE]
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