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Substance Abuse
Anger versus hurt
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<blockquote data-quote="lovemysons" data-source="post: 560907" data-attributes="member: 3305"><p>Hi AG, </p><p></p><p>In regards to what your sponser wrote...</p><p></p><p>"Please take care of yourself and help him as you feel comfortable. But help him for your peace of mind, not for his comfort."</p><p></p><p>Reminds me of when my oldest difficult child was threatening suicide, etc. when he was in jail before being transported to prison for theft while he was on Meth. I often left feeling angry, anguished, and used up. I was trying so hard to be a comfort for him and be supportive all the while that he went through these consequences. My deep pain and the tears would often lead to panic attacks. </p><p></p><p>I finally talked to my sponser about this and she told me to "Check Your Motives". She told me that I should only go see/give/write etc Oldest difficult child as a GIFT...with NO expectation behind it. </p><p></p><p>I think this is where I have gotten myself into trouble so many times in the past because I HAVE given "gifts" with an expectation behind them, sigh. That leads to resentment. </p><p></p><p>It's hard AG...Of course we want to show/express our love for our children...especially when it looks like their hurting. But unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) they don't necessarily want us to "lift them up" anymore. And our attempts to prove how much we love them...are often met with use/abuse. </p><p></p><p>It's so hard to parent a difficult child/addict...for sure!!!</p><p>hugs,</p><p>LMS</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="lovemysons, post: 560907, member: 3305"] Hi AG, In regards to what your sponser wrote... "Please take care of yourself and help him as you feel comfortable. But help him for your peace of mind, not for his comfort." Reminds me of when my oldest difficult child was threatening suicide, etc. when he was in jail before being transported to prison for theft while he was on Meth. I often left feeling angry, anguished, and used up. I was trying so hard to be a comfort for him and be supportive all the while that he went through these consequences. My deep pain and the tears would often lead to panic attacks. I finally talked to my sponser about this and she told me to "Check Your Motives". She told me that I should only go see/give/write etc Oldest difficult child as a GIFT...with NO expectation behind it. I think this is where I have gotten myself into trouble so many times in the past because I HAVE given "gifts" with an expectation behind them, sigh. That leads to resentment. It's hard AG...Of course we want to show/express our love for our children...especially when it looks like their hurting. But unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) they don't necessarily want us to "lift them up" anymore. And our attempts to prove how much we love them...are often met with use/abuse. It's so hard to parent a difficult child/addict...for sure!!! hugs, LMS [/QUOTE]
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