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Substance Abuse
Anger versus hurt
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 560929" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>Very relevant AG. Just last week I led our parent support group on a discussion on anger. It was worried because bringing up this subject just reminded me of all the things I was so angry about and have somehow come to terms with, but it was healing. There was a time when difficult child had just relapsed and was living with her drug friends that I was so angry I couldn't function. My anger was so close to the surface that it erupted anytime and anywhere. I was at the grocery store during this time and saw my neighbor and started to cry telling her the story and asked her to pray for me that God would take away this anger because it was overwhelming me.</p><p></p><p>Through my recovery I came to realize that my anger was really fear. I was afraoid that difficult child would never recover, that she would never be able to support herself, that she was making choices with her life that could never be undone, that she would do unspeakable things to support her habit, that her life would be in danger, that she may die, or that I would die and she would have no one left in the world to help her. That made me react with anger as if that anger would cause her to act differetly. It didn't. I was finally able to start releasing some of that anger and accept it for what it was, a manifestation of my fear. It was easier for me to deal with it when I put it in that perspective.</p><p></p><p>So it's interesting that for you accepting the anger is more helpful than the hurt and I agree that I had to go through that anger also because the fear at that time would have been even more overwhelming and I wasn't able to deal with it at the time.</p><p></p><p>I know how you rmommy heart hurt seeing those fb posts. When my difficult child was living with her drug friends she posted that she now had a new family and that her old family were horrible mosters that kicked her out and that we never loved her or cared about her anyway. I too posted back to her and she deleted it. Fortunately some of her old friends saw it and told her they felt bad for her family because of how she was treating us. Of course it never made an impression on her at the time. I do believe they enjoy having people feel sorry for them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 560929, member: 59"] Very relevant AG. Just last week I led our parent support group on a discussion on anger. It was worried because bringing up this subject just reminded me of all the things I was so angry about and have somehow come to terms with, but it was healing. There was a time when difficult child had just relapsed and was living with her drug friends that I was so angry I couldn't function. My anger was so close to the surface that it erupted anytime and anywhere. I was at the grocery store during this time and saw my neighbor and started to cry telling her the story and asked her to pray for me that God would take away this anger because it was overwhelming me. Through my recovery I came to realize that my anger was really fear. I was afraoid that difficult child would never recover, that she would never be able to support herself, that she was making choices with her life that could never be undone, that she would do unspeakable things to support her habit, that her life would be in danger, that she may die, or that I would die and she would have no one left in the world to help her. That made me react with anger as if that anger would cause her to act differetly. It didn't. I was finally able to start releasing some of that anger and accept it for what it was, a manifestation of my fear. It was easier for me to deal with it when I put it in that perspective. So it's interesting that for you accepting the anger is more helpful than the hurt and I agree that I had to go through that anger also because the fear at that time would have been even more overwhelming and I wasn't able to deal with it at the time. I know how you rmommy heart hurt seeing those fb posts. When my difficult child was living with her drug friends she posted that she now had a new family and that her old family were horrible mosters that kicked her out and that we never loved her or cared about her anyway. I too posted back to her and she deleted it. Fortunately some of her old friends saw it and told her they felt bad for her family because of how she was treating us. Of course it never made an impression on her at the time. I do believe they enjoy having people feel sorry for them. [/QUOTE]
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