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Substance Abuse
Anger versus hurt
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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 561389" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>Reading this thread has triggered a retrospective of easy child/difficult child morphed into difficult child. Just like the addiction experts say about the addict I believe the parents are fluid as well. It may be that we are fluid to assure our survival and hope that, in turn, it indirectly influences our difficult children.</p><p></p><p>I have found this year that I very rarely fear for difficult child's safety. We do have a closer than usual relationship and I have been spared demonstrations of anger or emotional attack (with one exception emotionally). We see each other almost every day and it is standard for him to give me a hug or tell me he loves me...no matter who is around, lol.</p><p></p><p>on the other hand I <em>still</em> can't truly wrap my head around who he is compared to who I anticipated him to be. I don't allow myself to dwell on it because I know I have alot to be grateful for but...maybe it's just the "snob" in me that makes me shake my head when I realize that his SO is someone I would never seek to be around, his friends are almost all unemployed and surviving on the system etc. etc. I'm thankful he is no longer an active alcoholic. But he is a daily pot smoker...or evidently nightly smoker BUT "only at home". Goodness Gracious. </p><p></p><p>I've done a good job of detaching and I'm proud of that but it's fluid. Sometimes I just don't do as well as others. I am thankful that we have each other in the SA forum. This is the only place I just write freely what I'm thinking and it does alleviate alot of stress. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 561389, member: 35"] Reading this thread has triggered a retrospective of easy child/difficult child morphed into difficult child. Just like the addiction experts say about the addict I believe the parents are fluid as well. It may be that we are fluid to assure our survival and hope that, in turn, it indirectly influences our difficult children. I have found this year that I very rarely fear for difficult child's safety. We do have a closer than usual relationship and I have been spared demonstrations of anger or emotional attack (with one exception emotionally). We see each other almost every day and it is standard for him to give me a hug or tell me he loves me...no matter who is around, lol. on the other hand I [I]still[/I] can't truly wrap my head around who he is compared to who I anticipated him to be. I don't allow myself to dwell on it because I know I have alot to be grateful for but...maybe it's just the "snob" in me that makes me shake my head when I realize that his SO is someone I would never seek to be around, his friends are almost all unemployed and surviving on the system etc. etc. I'm thankful he is no longer an active alcoholic. But he is a daily pot smoker...or evidently nightly smoker BUT "only at home". Goodness Gracious. I've done a good job of detaching and I'm proud of that but it's fluid. Sometimes I just don't do as well as others. I am thankful that we have each other in the SA forum. This is the only place I just write freely what I'm thinking and it does alleviate alot of stress. DDD [/QUOTE]
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