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Angry Son
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 364811" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Something to add to your list - Go to your local library and look for the book, "The Manipulative Child". It may help in keeping that unwanted behavior from becoming a habit to manipulate you. It also will give you confidence to stay detached (try your best not to let your emotions get involved - that is a very common trap that our kids are good at drawing us into).</p><p> </p><p>Kids know that they can play our emotions in a way they can not play teachers and others outside the family.</p><p> </p><p>Somewhere along the line, he has decided that screaming is the fastest way of getting what he wants. You have a very difficult task of being consistent with him because of the two younger siblings. Many times it does seem easier to just give in to what he wants to keep the peace. My suggestion would be to as much as possible stop everything that is going on when he starts screaming and make that the focus of the moment. "You may not scream or hit! I have no idea what you want - I can not understand you! Please calm down and ask politely." Even if you know your answer will be no because supper is in 5 minutes, make him go through the process of asking. With the two younger ones, I know it will be difficult to give difficult child your undivided attention but do so as much as you can when he starts this behavior. You will be helping him to learn how to properly get what he wants. If he doesn't settle down in a few minutes then a time out in his room is in order. Tell him that when he feels angry and doesn't want to be polite than he should spend some time alone in his room until he is ready to be nice. Also thank him when he does ask properly.</p><p> </p><p>I don't like the ignoring advice for most situations. When you ignore, there is no chance of teaching. The child has not figured out that a different way is better. I like to sympathize with the child by letting him/her know that you understand he/she is upset but that they do have the ability of choosing how to behave. </p><p> </p><p>Same as with spankings - when you spank, it may send the message to STOP but it does not teach what the correct behavior should have been.</p><p> </p><p>Follow your mommy instinct. You feel that something is outside the boundaries of normal than you should have it checked out.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 364811, member: 5096"] Something to add to your list - Go to your local library and look for the book, "The Manipulative Child". It may help in keeping that unwanted behavior from becoming a habit to manipulate you. It also will give you confidence to stay detached (try your best not to let your emotions get involved - that is a very common trap that our kids are good at drawing us into). Kids know that they can play our emotions in a way they can not play teachers and others outside the family. Somewhere along the line, he has decided that screaming is the fastest way of getting what he wants. You have a very difficult task of being consistent with him because of the two younger siblings. Many times it does seem easier to just give in to what he wants to keep the peace. My suggestion would be to as much as possible stop everything that is going on when he starts screaming and make that the focus of the moment. "You may not scream or hit! I have no idea what you want - I can not understand you! Please calm down and ask politely." Even if you know your answer will be no because supper is in 5 minutes, make him go through the process of asking. With the two younger ones, I know it will be difficult to give difficult child your undivided attention but do so as much as you can when he starts this behavior. You will be helping him to learn how to properly get what he wants. If he doesn't settle down in a few minutes then a time out in his room is in order. Tell him that when he feels angry and doesn't want to be polite than he should spend some time alone in his room until he is ready to be nice. Also thank him when he does ask properly. I don't like the ignoring advice for most situations. When you ignore, there is no chance of teaching. The child has not figured out that a different way is better. I like to sympathize with the child by letting him/her know that you understand he/she is upset but that they do have the ability of choosing how to behave. Same as with spankings - when you spank, it may send the message to STOP but it does not teach what the correct behavior should have been. Follow your mommy instinct. You feel that something is outside the boundaries of normal than you should have it checked out. [/QUOTE]
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