Annual cheers and jeers Mother's Day thread

[tiredmommy]

Some of us will have pleasant days. Most of us will not. This thread is for those that hate the holiday and all it stands for knowing that our families are not cookie cutter perfect. (In other words... no fair telling us how wonderful your day is/was, lol!)

What's your worst Mother's Day story? What do you really want for Mother's Day (I'm to the point I'd go for a bottle of tequila and a bag of limes! )

Any tips for surviving this day when our offspring are supposed honor us and the institution of motherhood?

 

[AnnieO]

2006... Jett comes home with a pipe-cleaner-and-construction-paper vase and flowers. Gives it to me with a huge hug. Then tells me he has to take it to bio too. (He forgot, but ugh.) Similar in 2007, only we get a late visit from the cops because bio says we beat Onyxx, followed by CPO, court, etc. 2008, his teacher gets smart and he makes two things - one for each of us... Somehow bio's vanishes before they go to her house and Onyxx makes a huge deal about how he didn't care and lost it (methinks she trashed it so she could look good). 2010, he colludes with my Mom to get me roses from a school fundraiser... She and he agree that if he wants to get some for bio, he will ask stepfather for money... The roses come in... Stepfather of course didn't pony up... Jett tells me I have to share. So I split the dozen into threes - 3 for mother in law, 3 for my mom, 3 for bio... He forgets them. 2011, the day is forgotten entirely by Jett but oddly remembered by Onyxx... Right before everything goes pfft.

I just got really tired of sharing "my" stuff, ya know? I'd have been happy to help out getting/making something for bio if my efforts hadn't been blown off. I busted my rear for them. Still do. If I hear from Onyxx at all I might keel over from shock.

This year I'm hosting a cookout "in honor of the mothers" for Mom, niece, sister in law and myself. Yeah, I'll end up doing much of the work, but maybe it'll impress on Jett and Meggie.

What do I want? A completely clean house.

 

[Dixies_fire]

I'd really like to go to a lake and go swimming with the fam but I haven't found one yet and it isn't warm enough. I would settle for a clean house help doing laundry and not having to cook.

I'm not a fan of the holiday no one has ever done anything for me other then when I was pregnant with tk. I have no cash to do anything besides call my mother and if I did have money and did something for her my crazy difficult child sister would ***** about it, co-opt it or something else. Who knows she's entitled like that.

 

[JKF]

I love this thread already TM! lol

Oh let's see - my worst Mother's Day was 3 years ago when difficult child went to Walmart, stole a video game, got arrested and then threatened to kill himself. So I spent the entire day and night at the ER getting him evaluated.

This year we are planning on having difficult child over for brunch from around 11 - 2. That's 3 whole hours so anything could and probably will go wrong. After that I'm going to relax. My husband and younger son are in charge of dinner duty whether it be takeout or something on the grill. Whatever they decide.

And Monday - I'm taking off of work and having a "me day".

Not sure on any tips on how to survive besides alcohol! LOL I'd love to join you for some Tequila!

 

[KTMom91]

We're driving 14 hours for Miss KT's college graduation on Saturday. I was informed that Sunday was the last day she could spend with her husband before he goes into the Navy, so we won't be seeing her that day. She won't even take time for lunch on Mother's Day when we're just around the corner. Sigh.

 

[SuZir]

My Mother's Days tend to be usually okay or even great in the end. I think this will be too, field mustard and all (little mother in law drama)

However I have to say that I'm not too fond of Mother's Day from philosophical perspective. Whole forshipping 'the institution of motherhood' rubs me a wrong way from two totally opposite perspectives. First of all, motherhood doesn't require much. Some working inner organs and opening your legs is enough to become a mother. How good job someone does in the job of being mother varies like people performances in any given task. Certainly not every mother is the best mother to their children (this has been incredibly popular slogan around here a long time.) There is no some extraordinary 'mother's instinct' that makes a mother the best expert of their child (or if there is, someone forgot to give me a dose) and not all mothers even love their kids more than anything (most luckily do.) So I really dislike that sugarcoating part.

And from the opposite view I really hate how different kind of women are tried to stuff into that small space called 'proper motherhood.' Part of this is that my kids do a macho sport and I truly, really hate how mothers are both raised to pedestal and squashed to laundry and meal service in ideology associated to that. I have sat through too many parent meetings for those teams, both club level and national junior program level (luckily not at Mother's Day, but I think I will have two more of these before midsummer) that I see red and am ready to puke, when some coach or federation guy or well-known agent or former top player tells us in condescending way how hugely important job we mothers do in doing cooking and laundry and driving our sons around and comforting them when they are down and crucially important that is (and don't even think of having an opinion of coaching or playing or your son's career plans...) ARGH!

Well, that made me feel better.

 

[witzend]

Cheers! I finally truly either want nor expect anything for Mother's Day, and when I get nothing I will be just fine with that.

 

[Californiablonde]

Since my kids are in junior high/high school I'm not used to getting anymore home made gifts from them. Although my mom did take difficult child to Target yesterday to spend her Easter money, and she came home and gave me three truffles she bought for and early mother's day gift. I'll take it. easy child is going to be home for Mother's day weekend so it will be nice to be able to spend the day with him. We will be taking my mom out to lunch after church on that day and I will get her a nice card like I usually do. Usually my mom gets me a card and something small like a bottle of lotion or a candle. My boyfriend will be here this year to spend it with us. So nothing really special but I usually enjoy the day ever year as it comes.

 

[trinityroyal]

I'm not terribly fond of Mother's Day, and it's a good thing because I would be crushed every year if I were.

husband is the sweetest man alive. Truly, he is. But his take on Mother's Day is, "You're not my mother." I can understand his point, but I AM the Mother. Of. His. Children.
For years, we hosted a big Mother's Day Celebration. At our house, or sometimes at mother in law's. For which I cooked and baked and decorated. And not once received a single "Happy Mother's Day". Because a) "You're not my mother", b) brother in law and sister in law have no children of their own, and they're a bit self-focused, so it never occurred to them that there was any mother in the room beyond their own. And because husband doesn't lead the charge, most of my children forget too. (easy child, little angel that he is, always laboured over some construction-paper-school glue-and-sparkles craft, which he presented with pride.)

I used to get a bit resentful, not that I wanted a party, or flowers, or even a card. Just the simple recognition that I am indeed the mother of a gaggle of children. But over the years, for whatever reason, that has lost its sting. Perhaps around the same time I stopped catering to sister in law, brother in law and their nonsense.

This year, since mother in law's passing, I am the only mother in the gang. Until this thread arrived, I had forgotten the existence of Mother's Day. I guess my attitude adjustment is now complete.

 

[recoveringenabler]

The other day I had to go buy my mother a card for Mother's Day and her birthday, which is May 10th. Every year I go through this dilemma, I said to my SO as I headed out the door. "well, wish me luck, I have to go find two cards that say happy mother's day and happy birthday without saying thanks for being a great mom, or you taught me so much, or you're the greatest mother in the world... I will be on the search for a long time, as I always am." I just can't lie that big. She and I have worked through a lot, and I want to honor her as a mother, but I just can't do it with all those big enthusiastic sentiments.

Then there's my daughter, who for all intents and purposes completely abandoned her daughter to me and never looked back. I used to do the same thing about the cards with her, but now I do nothing and she pretty much does the same. She will phone in or email a simple Happy Mothers Day, I love you Mom, usually a few days late if at all. I expect nothing and that's what I get.

It ceases to hurt me anymore, I try to have a sense of humor about it, there should be a card company which makes cards for different sentiments which are more honest, perhaps "although you completely messed it all up, I've healed from it and I hope you have a pretty good day."

 

[trinityroyal]

Every year I go through this dilemma, I said to my SO as I headed out the door. "well, wish me luck, I have to go find two cards that say happy mother's day and happy birthday without saying thanks for being a great mom, or you taught me so much, or you're the greatest mother in the world... I will be on the search for a long time, as I always am.

RE, maybe that's what those blank cards are for. Although, I'd be tempted to be blunt: "Thanks for giving birth to me." or something like that, so perhaps they're not the best idea after all...

Good luck with your card search.

 

[SuZir]

The other day I had to go buy my mother a card for Mother's Day and her birthday, which is May 10th. Every year I go through this dilemma, I said to my SO as I headed out the door. "well, wish me luck, I have to go find two cards that say happy mother's day and happy birthday without saying thanks for being a great mom, or you taught me so much, or you're the greatest mother in the world... I will be on the search for a long time, as I always am." I just can't lie that big. She and I have worked through a lot, and I want to honor her as a mother, but I just can't do it with all those big enthusiastic sentiments.

There is a reason they sell all those blank cards... There is this great little known poem in one obscure language (which is why I'm not putting it up here) that saved me for years. It's rather long, very touching, honest and really, really good. And year after year I quoted a new short part of it to Mother's Day cards for my mom. It thanks from gift of life without it being insulting or hurtful.

When my mom died, I even had a small verse from it with flowers. For her obituary notice I was able to find something else, very descriptive and respecting to who she was.

Then again with my dad and Father's Day cards. Well, there has been few with "Happy Father's Day! SuZir and boys"

 

[AnnieO]

RE, maybe that's what those blank cards are for. Although, I'd be tempted to be blunt: "Thanks for giving birth to me." or something like that, so perhaps they're not the best idea after all...

Good luck with your card search.

OK, Trinity, now I'm giggling because this is the kind of card mother in law sends for birthdays... Last one to Onyxx: "Glad you're not dead." Yep. Not wasting postage on her this year.

 

[recoveringenabler]

I was just laughing about that card "glad you're not dead." And it occurred to me that a good sentiment in a mothers day card for my mother would be, "I'm not in prison, I haven't killed anyone, I have no addictions, I'm not homeless, I have all my teeth, I'm not a thief and the 30 years of therapy worked, thanks Mom!!

 

[trinityroyal]

I can just see it now: "Thanks for not passing on the schizophrenia genes Mummy. No tinfoil hat for me."

No, I think blank cards are off the list for the foreseeable future, at least for me.

 

[Californiablonde]

I have the same problem with cards but for me it's Father's day. My dad was abusive as I was growing up and now that I'm an adult he's changed but we are still very distant. We talk to each other maybe once a year if that. Sometimes we can go a couple of years without any contact whatsoever. It was really hard for me to find father's day cards that weren't full of **** so I stopped trying altogether. I was never daddy's little girl and I never weill be so if I gave him a sappy Father's day card he would know I was full of it. Instead I give him a phone call. We usually talk for about five minutes, give updates on each other's lives, and be done with it. It's much easier for me that way.

 

[BusynMember]

CB, coping the way you have to cope.

Mother's Day doesn't excite me or bring dread. We have such a tiny family ALL THE TIME that most holidays are not that different from regular days to me unless we are in Chicago with Julie. It will be Tom, me and Sonic and Jumper and a lazy, relaxing day, I hope. Maybe Tom will take me to the casino, but if I had my first choice I'd like to go to the dog park with everyone. It's a nice dog park, kind of far, and a real treat for me to go. I love being out in the grass and trees with so many fellow dog lovers and their beloved pets, watching my little furbabies running free. Then later on we are grilling, but I have been soooooooooo good with Weight Watchers. I can't think of what I can grill. Fish maybe? Skinless chicken breast? I also like veggies wrapped up and grilled. I'm sure everyone else with eat something more normal...lol.

My Mom passed a while back and we had a terrible relationship. I remember I sometimes tried to send an appropriate card, but there never were any and she didn't really want a card from me so it was on and off. They just don't sell cards that say, "Dear Mother, I wish you didn't hate me. I would do anything if you'd love me. I love you so much." That's how I felt for much of my life.

Some years I sent the card I knew she wouldn't care about, other years I didn't. I got over being depressed because I would never spend Mom's Day with Mom, and I don't think about it now...or think of HER either very often.

That is a good thing because after she passed I spent two years very upset that she had disinherited me in such a broad way as to pretty much say I didn't even count as her daughter. But that experience was very educational...also taught me that family is who loves you, not whom is tied to you by DNA or even by giving birth to you. That realization has given me much peace and I so appreciate those in my life who do care about me. They are gifts to me and need never buy me anything. All I care about is that they exist and love me.

All in all, a regular day with just a bit of a bonus. I kind of like celebrating mothers, but I do know that it can be a painful day for so many people. I have heard that Mother's Day is the #1 day for suicide!

 

[Bunny]

The worst Mother's Day I ever had was the year I was totally forgotten. husband didn't take the kids to get me anything. Not even a card. difficult child left the gift that he made me in his classroom at school. The only thing I got was from easy child who was in pre-k at the time. Then we went to the nursery to get a plant for husband's mom and he bought me whole flat of flowers that needed to be planted, which to me wasn't really a present. It was just something that made more work for me, especially because I had been telling husband for weeks what I really wanted for Mother's Day, and a flat of flowers was not it.

This year my sister in law and brother in law, who have no children, decided that spending the day out at the east end wineries would be a great way to spend the day. When I was told this I asked, "What am I going to do with two kids out at the wineries?" Then I was told that if I wanted to go I could leave them home. Now, while I'm all for taking some time away from my motherly duties every now and then, IT'S MOTHER'S DAY!!! My kids might want to see their mother on Mother's Day. So we were told that if we wanted we could come for the barbecue they were having after they get back.

I'm thinking about pleading a migraine so I can eat and leave because in all honesty I'm really annoyed that this was what they planned.

 

[nerfherder]

The last few years it's been mostly nothing. Kinda hurts. Not because "waaah I didn't get anything!" but "Kiddo needs the kind of coaching a kindergarten teacher would give to get her to make me something." She said she wants to make me a card this year. She might.

My 50th birthday mostly sucked this year too. That was circumstance - work day for RN, Blacksmith was sick with Yet Another Case Of Gulf War Lung Crud, and I was basically in charge of a house full of kids going stir-crazy. The best thing I got though was pretty awesome. Perfect Enough Child emailed me an ebook copy of "John Dies At The End" *and* "This Book Is Full Of Spiders." Those are the two most hilariously horrible and gross horror stories ever written. My absolute favorite horror stories.

 

[flutterby]

I wouldn't have even known it was Mother's Day this weekend if I hadn't seen posts about it here and other places. Guess that sums up how much I look forward to it. easy child and daughter in law will call and/or send a card or otherwise acknowledge it. easy child still owes me a Mother's Day breakfast that he promised in 2009, but had to spend that day with his girlfriend (now daughter in law) who lived a whole 10 minutes away and he saw every day. LOL! Teens - 'nuff said. I bet he thinks I've forgotten about that. I haven't. difficult child never acknowledges it, and that doesn't hurt my feelings anymore. She just doesn't do feelings. My wish for the day is to be left completely to my own devices with no demands on me. We can all dream, right?