Annual Tears, Jeers, & Grumbles Mother Day Thread

[SRL]

Hey Moms, only five days until some of our not-so-favorite day of the year!!!

Those of you who've been around already know the drill, but for the sake of the newcomers you should know that we usually have two Mother's Day threads around here, one for those who think this holiday is the next best thing to sliced bread...and this one for the rest of us.

Maybe you're one of those moms who isn't looking forward to Sunday. Maybe the commercial aspect turns you off. Maybe you don't cope so well with the "Let's Celebrate Mom!" mentality one day out of the year while you knock yourself out the other 364 days. Maybe you married into a family with not so mom-friendly traditions. Seriously--I married into an otherwise normal family that would hold a big family get together, so on My Special Day I got to get up early to prepare food, get the kids ready for church, pack up the kids, pack up the food, travel several hours, come home, deal with tired kids, clean up the kitchen mess. Yep, I sure felt really special having even more work than usual for My Special Day!

Or maybe this year as Mother's Day approaches you're really hurting. Life can be messy and days like this can enhance the pain. We want you to know that we're here and this is the place to cheer, jeer, grumble, and weep all you want.


Personally I'd like to announce that I have retired from cooking on Mother's Day. Three years ago I told my family I was done and that was that. Grandma is opposed to going out so we carry out and pick up from the deli.

And those of you who think there's nothing better than a $5 Hallmark card on Mother's Day, you just scoot along out of here to your own happy thread. We're here to laugh, cry, and celebrate the absurd.

 

[crazymama30]

I hate several holidays, and the top of my list is my birthday--even when I tell husband what I want--not as in materialistic thing but as to how I want to spend the day--he just does not hear me. This last birthday? I told him I did not want any of his friends over. I like them, but they are here all the time. I came home to a bunch of his buddies.

Mother's day? is right up there. It is just another day. I will go to work, come home and do dishes, make dinner, and be sad. husband thinks it is about what he can buy me, but to me it is about appreciation, about giving me a break. and I will never get that.

I better stop now, I can feel a rant coming on.

 

[Hound dog]

crazy I've got that..........without the even "what he can buy me part" as husband rarely thinks to buy me anything. For my birthday........Aubrey showed him up by bringing me roses, so he made a mad dash out to get me roses. ugh

 

[gcvmom]

While my husband has improved over the years with trying to make special days special for me, because of having difficult child's for kids I typically have spent Mother's Day alone with my own mother doing something she and I both enjoy. It's my official break-from-being-a-mom day. It hasn't always been this way, but lately it's what I've been able to do. Last year, I took her to a beautful botanical garden for an al fresco champagne brunch. It was delightful! This year, I was actually toying with the idea of doing something as a family... take a drive to see wildflowers out in the desert or down south at a flower farm... go to a museum or park. But after difficult child 1's phone stunt was revealed in my cell phone bill last night, I'm thinking it's just gonna be me and my mom again this year.

I have to say, my first Mother's Day was awful. husband did nothing, and only decided to get a card for me when I grumbled before we went to church about the fact that he was doing nothing. So he had me wait in the car with difficult child 1 after church while he ran in to the drugstore to buy a card. If I was mad before, I was livid by then. He hasn't made that mistake since.

 

[DaisyFace]

SRL--

Thank you for starting this thread. Yes, Mother's Day is tough.

In my case, we have a cluster of "tough days" all in a row. First is my birthday, close behind is my mother's birthday, then is difficult child's birthday, finishing off with Mother's Day. Every year I feel as though I am running the guantlet trying to have special days with and for people who don't care a darn about me all the rest of the year--but boy if I don't throw a big celebration I am an ogre.

I guess that's why I've been feeling particularly insecure these past few days. I'm right in the middle of "Hell Week"--as it were.

It always starts with my mother making fun of me on my birthday. Always. Not Happy Birthday! Not "I Love You!" No. Always wants to joke about how OLD I am. "O you're really getting up there !"

This always puts me in just the right frame of mind for celebrating my Mom's birthday. If I think about it early, I will send her something. But after I hear all the jokes at my expense, I have trouble even picking out a card for her.

Next up is difficult child's birthday. O she has a loooooooong list--as usual. And are there any signs that another birthday means she's getting any more mature? Nope. Still treating me like garbage. Makes shopping for birthday presents difficult. Ugghh!

Then I will hear back that my mother is disappointed with whatever I sent or didn't send for her birthday. Well, great! Just in time to try and make it up with a Mother's Day present--which she won't like either. it won't be as good as what any of my other siblings gives her....so what is the point?

As for me? Did my children do anything for my birthday? Nope.
Did they even offer to wash dishes or do an extra chose so I could have a break or anything? Nope.
Last night I asked difficult child to make dinner while I finished up some extra work. More than thrity minutes later, I began cooking myself. "What? O I would have done it when I was done reading" she says. Great. Thanks.

So Mother's Day? What's the point? Treat me nicely. That's all I want.
Will I get it?
Probably not.



Happy Mother's Day, everyone!

 

[KTMom91]

I have no idea what to expect this year. Hubby's family will be celebrating the week after, because his mom has to work, but I haven't even called my mom yet. My mom resents going to my brother's, because a big fuss is made over sis-in-law's mom, and not over her, but she gets upset at me when there's conflict with Miss KT's rudeness towards Hubby.

I'd run away from home if I could walk that far.

 

[Shari]

I have decided its best to expect nothing. That way, I'm not disappointed! lol And every once in a while, I'm suprised by something. (I can't complain about easy child or difficult child 1 or even Wee....its a husband thing)

This year, however, Wee has an EEG friday morning and a neuro appointment Friday early afternoon. The library is hosting a "make and take" Mother's Day craft from 3:30-5:30, so I'm going to take Wee to that. He'll have fun and I'm sure I'll be presented with some glorious conglomeration of whatever he thinks is cool in their craft supplies. lol And easy child 2/difficult child won't be here, so....

On Sunday, I plan to take my pony and go ride. Eat hot dogs for lunch on the trail.

 

[gcvmom]

On Sunday, I plan to take my pony and go ride. Eat hot dogs for lunch on the trail.

Now THAT sounds like fun! Can I come, too? Huh? Huh? Can I? Can I?!

 

[Shari]

Yup.

easy child 2/difficult child won't be here, so her pony will be free, and he's a good big boy, yesh he iz....hims a wuvvy boy.....

Oh, sorry. Sure! Come on!

 

[trinityroyal]

Reasons why I'm not looking forward to Mother's Day? Let's see...
1) My beautiful Grannie, the woman who raised me as her own when my difficult child-mom wasn't up to it, has been dead since 1981. Mother's Day is a painful reminder of her loss which I still feel deeply every day.
2) I've been estranged from my difficult child-mom for years, so between her and my now-gone Grannie, I don't have anyone to honour, except...
3) My wonderful mother in law, who is still so very sick, and now sick and tired of living. She's 86, has terminal cancer and a boatload of depression to go with it.
4) The family birthdays. sister in law, sister in law's hub, Step-D, Step-D's boyfriend. All in May, all right around Mother's Day. So we generally have a big Birthday/Mother's Day celebration.
5) husband doesn't believe that he should acknowledge me on Mother's Day, since I'm not his mother. My otherwise wonderful and very supportive husband doesn't seem to recognize that as the mother of HIS CHILDREN, I would like to be acknowledged.
6) sister in law, brother in law and Step-D don't have any children, and they truly don't understand the travails of parenthood. Even without difficult children in the picture it's hard. They don't have a ****** (insert your preferred expletive here) clue. They often forget that I'm also a mother. I don't want to take away from anyone's celebration of mother in law, but I sometimes feel like saying "Hey! I'm over here! I'm a mom too!"
7) Little easy child is with the others this year on Mother's Day. He always remembers and he always does something nice, but he won't be here. difficult child never remembers unless he gets a lot of prompting, and I just can't be bothered to prompt. The Tot Monsters are too little to understand anything beyond FOOD-PLAY-SLEEP-REPEAT, so there's not a single person in the whole bunch who will notice.
8) We're hosting the Mother's Day/Birthday bash this year, so on top of everything else, I get to cook and clean, organize cards and presents for everyone, bake or buy a birthday cake and a Mother's Day cake and celebrate everyone else's happiness, while wanting to cry inside over yet again getting lost in the shuffle.
9) My street is having a Group Yard Sale that weekend. Just because there wasn't already enough chaos without having to add to it. And yes, husband wants to participate, so in addition to hosting the party, I will also have to make sure that the yard sale stuff is being wrangled because husband will wander off to socialilze, because "Trinity can handle it". Story of my life.

Shari, Gcv, I might just invite myself along on that pony ride too. I'm little, and can fit in a saddle bag.

Sigh...

Trinity

 

[Shari]

Trinity, we have a little pony, just your size. You just come right on!

 

[hearts and roses]

Someone said something about it being best to expect nothing - this way if you do get something, you're pleasantly surprised and if you don't get anything, you're not bummed out.

I happen to like Mother's Day - Mostly easy child has always made it a special day. difficult child is involved occasionally, but usually only because easy child gets her involved. H used to do something special for me (and they aren't his biological kids) but each year he does less and less. The other day easy child asked H if he wanted to take me out to brunch on Mother's Day and he said, "She is YOUR mom, why don't you plan something with difficult child?" So....

I actually try to get all my weekend stuff done on Saturday so I can chill on Mother's Day - just so I can say to myself, "Look, I'm relaxing on Mother's Day" or I go buy a bunch of flowers and spend the day planting them.

This year I will be studying my behind off for my final and writing my term paper!! Argh!!

 

[Mom2oddson]

I'm glad you started this thread. I haven't had a good Mother's day in years. We ALWAYS have to go do a Big family thing at mother in law's house every year. It takes all day so I only get to give my Mom the left-over scraps of time. I get to deal with difficult child's acting there worst because mother in law won't allow any correcting of her precious grandchildren at her house. I get to watch husband kiss-up to a woman who is NEVER happy unless everyone else is miserable, but plays the loving, caring Mommy role in academy award winning style. I always end up with a headache, attitude and hating the day. But, this year I'm actually hoping that this Mother's Day might not be too bad.

1) husband is back in New York so I won't know if he calls or doesn't call that thing he calls a mother. And there will be no going to the annual family get-together, nor will I have to miss out on seeing my mom.

2) Since husband is gone, I feel no obligation to do anything for his mother... unless I can find a card that says "Happy Mother's Day you ....blank, blank.... hope you rot in heck!" yeah... I have no bad feeling towards her

3) Since husband isn't here, maybe he won't be able to force difficult child-S to wish me a happy mothers day.... but if he is able to get her to sent me a text... I have my answer ready.... "You've made it quite clear that I'm the evil-troll step-mom from heck....why are you wasting your time and mine texting me when we both know it's BS?"

4) difficult child-A is around.... will he or won't he remember to wish me a happy mothers day?? Your guess is as good as mine. whatever....

5) easy child may or may not remember, but it doesn't bother me. He calls me at least 3 times a week. He calls if he's bored, lonely, has good news, bad news, funny news. He sends me a text message every once in a while that says "Hi Mommy"... because he remembers the story I tell of when he was little that I LOVED how he'd say "Hi Mommy" whenever I got home from work. He goes out of his way, all the time, to let me know that I'm important to him. So, from him, I don't need a "special day" because everyday is special.

6) My Dad will take my Mom and me out for a special dinner celebrating his two favorite Mothers. So I'll have good company.

I think this may be the best Mom's day yet! Guess I'm going to have to figure out a way to make sure husband is out of town every Mothers day.

 

[Shari]

M2OS...why not just accept your dad's standing invite for eternity? husband or no, YOU have special plans????

Enjoy!!!

 

[CrazyinVA]

I tend to dread this holiday every year. Some years more than others. This year, my difficult children have surprised me by asking what is convenient for me on Sunday, they want to come over. I'm moving this weekend, so will be in a new place surrounded by boxes, but it seems they want to attempt to either cook or bring food. I'm almost shocked, to be honest. Of course, we'll see what actually happens. I had already decided I ws just going to ignore the day altogether and not ask them about it, so I'm not too worried.

Year after year, this has been "Just another day" in my house. When my kids have actually asked me what I "want," I say, "no fighting." Raising them on my own, with no one around to remind them to do something for me on any holiday, it seems like they just didn't develop the habit/mindset of doing anything special for me. When I was growing up, my dad always took me to buy gifts for my mom on various occasions. He encouraged it. My kids had no one.. their dad didn't do a thing, and I had no family closeby. I certainly didn't feel comfortable saying, "hey it's Mothers Day! Let me take you to buy me something!" I blame this for their lack of enthusiasm, partly. Never mind that I still bought their dad a father's day gift/birthday gift from them, until they were old enough to purchase such gifts themselves, but mother's day grew more depressing each year.

Someone here a few years back suggested that this is our day to celebrate ourselves, even if our difficult children don't make a point of it. We shouldn't depend on them to do it for us. I encourage everyone to buy themselves a new outfit, or something else they've been wanting, go to a movie/favorite restaurant, and just celebrate YOURSELF as a mother. Give yourselves a huge pat on the back for all the hard work youv've put into mothering. Lord knows, we all deserve it.

 

[witzend]

I already laid down the law with husband as to what is to be said to children calling him about what to do with Mother's day.

1. I don't want to spend any money on myself or on a meal for husband for Mother's day.
2. I don't want to cook a big meal for Mother's Day.
3. I don't want to have people over to the house for Mother's Day.
4. I do want to finish some projects this weekend that we have been working on.
5. I would be happy to be taken out to eat on Mother's Day.
6. I would be happy to go to someone's house for a meal or short visit on Mother's Day.

The way I figure it, this is a holiday for them, not for me. I could give a rip about Mother's Day.

 

[DDD]

I have no idea why...but...I honestly don't give a darn about Mother's Day. Maybe it's because I've been a hands on Mom for fifty years. Sometimes I get a card or flowers. The only thing Iactually appreciate is a "heartfelt" expression of caring and appreciation. Sometimes I get thatand sometimes I don't. Either way, I'm fine. DDD

 

[DammitJanet]

I have no idea what to expect out of this Mothers Day. Normally its not that exciting. Mostly just another day with some cajoling of the boys to say they love me by their dad.

Cory claims he is going to take me to get my hair cut. We shall see. I have told Tony to call Jamie and tell him I want a new book to read because I have stopped buying them for myself and he has become so bad about actually buying me anything for any holiday. I doubt he called. Billy probably will do something.

They will cook but leave the clean up to me...ugh.

I remember the worst Mothers Day ever. Tony took me and the boys fishing. I thought we were going for a nice drive. I was livid. On Fathers Day, I think I took him to a chick flick!

 

[Jody]

I keep thinking I would like to make the day special for me, however my heart is just not in it. It is usually frozen salisbury steak, mashed potatoes and a vegetable. Something that I don't have to cook and clean up a lot. My oldest daughter will cook sometimes. Her prom is Saturday night and then there is after prom and all of that so she'll be pretty tired and I will be pretty broke. I had really wanted both of my children to come and help me get some landscaping that I can't physically do myself. That is not going to happen though, too much fighting to even bother with. I hope that my difficult child is nowhere around me, it might be a happy day then.Looks like the weather is going to be good though.

 

[lovemysons]

I'm taking my mom out for lunch and then probibly head to the Casino...Alone.


Happy Mother's Day, lol.
Tammy

PS...I did have one beautiful, unforgetable, Mother's Day on May 10th, 1992. easy child was born.