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Another Adult Child, Emphasis on "child" AKA I Need This Baby Bird to Flap and Fly.
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<blockquote data-quote="DazedandConfused" data-source="post: 587171" data-attributes="member: 831"><p>Hi all,</p><p></p><p> All aboard the crazy train! </p><p></p><p></p><p>Daughter. Um, yeah. </p><p></p><p> </p><p>Sigh</p><p></p><p> </p><p>So much drama with her and I just want it out of my life. Actually, both husband and I want her and the drama out .She lives at home and she does work part time. She would work full time if the opportunity presented itself, but full time work is extremely difficult to get in our area. So, she's not lazy in that respect, but she is no way be ambitious. She did go to school and work part time right after high school (which she graduated early, a big surprise since she overall did crappy) for a couple of years, but decided that community college was going to 'take too long'.</p><p></p><p>In her infinite wisdom, she decided to transfer to an online university. It's a good one that's double accredited (I know, I'm about to graduate from it). She took all the tests and got accepted. Of course, I'm so happy for her. Then, she does &#8230;.NOTHING. She keeps working her part time job, driving my car, partying with friends, and generally living like a slob. The school is calling, 'When are going to start?' Daughter ignores and I nag. Finally, a year goes by and nothing. So, if she wants to attend, she has to start all over. Her excuse? ' I've seen what you have gone through and I don't want to go through that.'</p><p></p><p>By that she means, me working full time, full load of classes, two difficult child children living with me, and husband, who is very supportive, but gone working a lot. Of course, this is NOT HER situation. I've told her over and over, 'Go to school, you have a place to live without a lot of other stressors, Dad and I will help support you.' But, nah! Can't do that. She would rather work part time, drive my car (which she has damaged), talk and text when she's not working, and otherwise laze around her room because I've taken away the car (which she claims to pay for 'everything' except she forgot the $900 bucks worth of tires her dad and I put on it last year) and allowed her to use it for work only. She makes messes and has to be nagged extensively to help around the house. Hence, it's filthy most of the time. That drives me nuts, but I have to ignore it until all my schooling is done and I'm almost at the finish line.</p><p></p><p>Do people throw their kids out for being slobs????</p><p></p><p>She always involved in some kind of ridiculous drama and I can hear her right now on her phone arguing with friend of hers. She lives like she still in high school. It's nearly every day! She tells me she gay. Ok, fine. But, if a nice guy came along that could tolerate her, she would me on that like white on rice. She's desperate for someone to love and accept her, but she's so darn difficult and SENSITIVE. She flies off the handle at the slightest provocation.</p><p></p><p>She and I hardly speak. It always ends up being a huge blow out. She doesn't want to hear it. At soon as I begin to make a suggestion, she storms out hiding in her room. Of course, this is MY house (and car), so she doesn't have the option of not hearing me out, but again, she becomes extremely defensive. Bottom line, she is no less dependent on me and husband and when she graduated from HS. I feel so desperately sad when I think about all the hopes and dreams I had for this girl and how she fought me every step of the way since she was 9 year old. I wasn't pushy, or made her do anything she didn't want to do, but I did try to guide her, and well, I wasn't very successful.</p><p></p><p>I've been on the roller coaster with her all her life and I want off. She not horrible, or maybe I'm just desensitized. She's done things, but not enough to make me want to throw her out. She does drink, but not a lot as far as I know. She talks ghetto which grates on me like nails on a chalk board. She has lied to me a lot. Generally, to get me to allow her to use the car for non-work purposes she can go out. She hasn't stolen, but will 'borrow' things. However, nothing special or of great value. If she did steal from me, that would be a deal breaker.</p><p></p><p>In these four years since she graduated high school, she was suppose to save up money to buy her own car. That never happened. In fact, she maxed out her AAA card because she didn't have money for gas and called them out four times. I know this because the cards are in husband and my name and I got a letter. I confronted her, she said, 'I thought it was unlimited.' What? Unlimited? Think about it, Daughter, if that were the case, everybody would simply call out AAA to bring them a couple gallons of gas when they needed it. Why go to the gas station when you can do that for 150 bucks a year?? <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/1010hammer.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hammer:" title="hammer :hammer:" data-shortname=":hammer:" /></p><p> </p><p>She and I go back and forth. A few weeks ago she brought some strange girl to my home to stay for a couple of days 'to visit'. Then, she wanted her to stay a couple of weeks, and then a month. Second time this has happened. I'm a very private person and I don't like people I don't know coming to my house. Come to find out they were having a romantic relationship and she left her in my home alone while both of us were working. Not okay with me. She goes NOW. She's got nowhere to go and her Dad abuses her, I'm told. Get her OUT and husband takes her to a homeless shelter. The girl acted just like Daughter lazing around like I'm running a resort.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately, it seems she has chosen the more difficult path. I almost want her to do something outrageous so I have an excuse to put her out. She needs to grow up and just like everything else, she is going to fight it every step of the way. I've paid for years of therapy, psychiatrists, and outside help. She tells me she has nowhere to go if she can't live here. I respond that might be a sign that she needs to earn her keep. Sometimes there are promises of change, but then it just goes back to how it has been for the last four years. We have given her a deadline that her use of her car stops at the end of the year. It's a long deadline, but I'm trying to give her an opportunity to figure out what to do. Without a car to get to her job, she will lose it because the buses do not run the hours she works. </p><p></p><p>I've read back over this and I feel like I'm going on a lot of ME. I'm just tired of living with difficult children and with Son being a PITA with declarations of: 'If a can't go to XYZ college, then I'm not going at all!' Being very disrespectful and saying all kinds of unkind things about me to his friends. I'm just done with difficult child nonsense in my life. My ENTIRE life I've dealt with difficult child nonsense with my Dad and now with both children.</p><p></p><p> I just want husband, me and our dogs to live in peace.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, I'm done rambling, ranting, or whatever you want to call it.</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DazedandConfused, post: 587171, member: 831"] Hi all, All aboard the crazy train! Daughter. Um, yeah. Sigh So much drama with her and I just want it out of my life. Actually, both husband and I want her and the drama out .She lives at home and she does work part time. She would work full time if the opportunity presented itself, but full time work is extremely difficult to get in our area. So, she's not lazy in that respect, but she is no way be ambitious. She did go to school and work part time right after high school (which she graduated early, a big surprise since she overall did crappy) for a couple of years, but decided that community college was going to 'take too long'. In her infinite wisdom, she decided to transfer to an online university. It's a good one that's double accredited (I know, I'm about to graduate from it). She took all the tests and got accepted. Of course, I'm so happy for her. Then, she does ….NOTHING. She keeps working her part time job, driving my car, partying with friends, and generally living like a slob. The school is calling, 'When are going to start?' Daughter ignores and I nag. Finally, a year goes by and nothing. So, if she wants to attend, she has to start all over. Her excuse? ' I've seen what you have gone through and I don't want to go through that.' By that she means, me working full time, full load of classes, two difficult child children living with me, and husband, who is very supportive, but gone working a lot. Of course, this is NOT HER situation. I've told her over and over, 'Go to school, you have a place to live without a lot of other stressors, Dad and I will help support you.' But, nah! Can't do that. She would rather work part time, drive my car (which she has damaged), talk and text when she's not working, and otherwise laze around her room because I've taken away the car (which she claims to pay for 'everything' except she forgot the $900 bucks worth of tires her dad and I put on it last year) and allowed her to use it for work only. She makes messes and has to be nagged extensively to help around the house. Hence, it's filthy most of the time. That drives me nuts, but I have to ignore it until all my schooling is done and I'm almost at the finish line. Do people throw their kids out for being slobs???? She always involved in some kind of ridiculous drama and I can hear her right now on her phone arguing with friend of hers. She lives like she still in high school. It's nearly every day! She tells me she gay. Ok, fine. But, if a nice guy came along that could tolerate her, she would me on that like white on rice. She's desperate for someone to love and accept her, but she's so darn difficult and SENSITIVE. She flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. She and I hardly speak. It always ends up being a huge blow out. She doesn't want to hear it. At soon as I begin to make a suggestion, she storms out hiding in her room. Of course, this is MY house (and car), so she doesn't have the option of not hearing me out, but again, she becomes extremely defensive. Bottom line, she is no less dependent on me and husband and when she graduated from HS. I feel so desperately sad when I think about all the hopes and dreams I had for this girl and how she fought me every step of the way since she was 9 year old. I wasn't pushy, or made her do anything she didn't want to do, but I did try to guide her, and well, I wasn't very successful. I've been on the roller coaster with her all her life and I want off. She not horrible, or maybe I'm just desensitized. She's done things, but not enough to make me want to throw her out. She does drink, but not a lot as far as I know. She talks ghetto which grates on me like nails on a chalk board. She has lied to me a lot. Generally, to get me to allow her to use the car for non-work purposes she can go out. She hasn't stolen, but will 'borrow' things. However, nothing special or of great value. If she did steal from me, that would be a deal breaker. In these four years since she graduated high school, she was suppose to save up money to buy her own car. That never happened. In fact, she maxed out her AAA card because she didn't have money for gas and called them out four times. I know this because the cards are in husband and my name and I got a letter. I confronted her, she said, 'I thought it was unlimited.' What? Unlimited? Think about it, Daughter, if that were the case, everybody would simply call out AAA to bring them a couple gallons of gas when they needed it. Why go to the gas station when you can do that for 150 bucks a year?? :hammer: She and I go back and forth. A few weeks ago she brought some strange girl to my home to stay for a couple of days 'to visit'. Then, she wanted her to stay a couple of weeks, and then a month. Second time this has happened. I'm a very private person and I don't like people I don't know coming to my house. Come to find out they were having a romantic relationship and she left her in my home alone while both of us were working. Not okay with me. She goes NOW. She's got nowhere to go and her Dad abuses her, I'm told. Get her OUT and husband takes her to a homeless shelter. The girl acted just like Daughter lazing around like I'm running a resort. Unfortunately, it seems she has chosen the more difficult path. I almost want her to do something outrageous so I have an excuse to put her out. She needs to grow up and just like everything else, she is going to fight it every step of the way. I've paid for years of therapy, psychiatrists, and outside help. She tells me she has nowhere to go if she can't live here. I respond that might be a sign that she needs to earn her keep. Sometimes there are promises of change, but then it just goes back to how it has been for the last four years. We have given her a deadline that her use of her car stops at the end of the year. It's a long deadline, but I'm trying to give her an opportunity to figure out what to do. Without a car to get to her job, she will lose it because the buses do not run the hours she works. I've read back over this and I feel like I'm going on a lot of ME. I'm just tired of living with difficult children and with Son being a PITA with declarations of: 'If a can't go to XYZ college, then I'm not going at all!' Being very disrespectful and saying all kinds of unkind things about me to his friends. I'm just done with difficult child nonsense in my life. My ENTIRE life I've dealt with difficult child nonsense with my Dad and now with both children. I just want husband, me and our dogs to live in peace. Okay, I'm done rambling, ranting, or whatever you want to call it. Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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Another Adult Child, Emphasis on "child" AKA I Need This Baby Bird to Flap and Fly.
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