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Another big meltdown
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<blockquote data-quote="buddy" data-source="post: 578648" data-attributes="member: 12886"><p>I hear you, and in this case can really relate. I think Kttlc is on to a big part of it. </p><p></p><p>Should he in the end be able to communicate his desires in a better way? Of course. But at this point he's too impulsive and black/white in his thinking. When he starts ramping up, (again 20/20 hindsight) maybe instead of sticking to the schedule or giving in right away (neither option is ideal) you can work on a time out/take a breath option. You give the signal to let him know you'll listen and work it out.....then help him do the squeeze relax thing with his hands or to blow out the candles (your five or ten fingers held up) and then you discuss options. </p><p></p><p>I have to say, esp when q was younger it was so amazing to see him do this. "OK mom see I am calm!" *squeeze relax squeeze relax*</p><p></p><p>And to this day I have to make "using his words" a grey area. When going from using physical behaviors to words it's too much to expect polite words esp when they're panicking, excited, upset, etc. And like J, q is actually quite polite when not in that state. I'd always hear from the time he could talk how polite he was (ironic, huh? )</p><p></p><p>So at this point, Q is just starting to work on how he says things. But sometimes any words over actions are acceptable. Do I prefer mom, please don't sing in the car over shut up? Well of course. And if he is loaded because of another issue then I just stop singing (we talk later abt it) but if he's just calmer and saying it I may cue his sure, can you ask nicely?</p><p></p><p>Hope this makes sense, I wasn't ignoring that he used his words inappropriately ...really. Just having learned the hard way, when I didn't go step by step, his physical reactions imcreased massively. (And in the end I still have days like you do where I have to back track and renegotiate to finally deescalate it, but he absolutely learns then that a fuss like that may work out. Not in a conscious way, it just happens)</p><p></p><p>J won't take as long as q to learn but probably does need step by step help in both the coping skills and communication skills. Your job with him is intense. I at least had outsiders who could help me along the way and backed up what we were doing. He's always had little daily sessions at school or in therapy to help him learn these skills. And if q can learn it im confident j can!</p><p></p><p>Look up "the five point scale" and "how does your engine run plus other stress management and social learning tools for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/adhd/mental health......</p><p>I think you'll find most under Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) sites but in every program ive worked in we use these techniques school wide. Every sp ed class and mainstream too. It's gentle and life long skill building.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="buddy, post: 578648, member: 12886"] I hear you, and in this case can really relate. I think Kttlc is on to a big part of it. Should he in the end be able to communicate his desires in a better way? Of course. But at this point he's too impulsive and black/white in his thinking. When he starts ramping up, (again 20/20 hindsight) maybe instead of sticking to the schedule or giving in right away (neither option is ideal) you can work on a time out/take a breath option. You give the signal to let him know you'll listen and work it out.....then help him do the squeeze relax thing with his hands or to blow out the candles (your five or ten fingers held up) and then you discuss options. I have to say, esp when q was younger it was so amazing to see him do this. "OK mom see I am calm!" *squeeze relax squeeze relax* And to this day I have to make "using his words" a grey area. When going from using physical behaviors to words it's too much to expect polite words esp when they're panicking, excited, upset, etc. And like J, q is actually quite polite when not in that state. I'd always hear from the time he could talk how polite he was (ironic, huh? ) So at this point, Q is just starting to work on how he says things. But sometimes any words over actions are acceptable. Do I prefer mom, please don't sing in the car over shut up? Well of course. And if he is loaded because of another issue then I just stop singing (we talk later abt it) but if he's just calmer and saying it I may cue his sure, can you ask nicely? Hope this makes sense, I wasn't ignoring that he used his words inappropriately ...really. Just having learned the hard way, when I didn't go step by step, his physical reactions imcreased massively. (And in the end I still have days like you do where I have to back track and renegotiate to finally deescalate it, but he absolutely learns then that a fuss like that may work out. Not in a conscious way, it just happens) J won't take as long as q to learn but probably does need step by step help in both the coping skills and communication skills. Your job with him is intense. I at least had outsiders who could help me along the way and backed up what we were doing. He's always had little daily sessions at school or in therapy to help him learn these skills. And if q can learn it im confident j can! Look up "the five point scale" and "how does your engine run plus other stress management and social learning tools for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/adhd/mental health...... I think you'll find most under Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) sites but in every program ive worked in we use these techniques school wide. Every sp ed class and mainstream too. It's gentle and life long skill building. [/QUOTE]
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