Another blatant grandma brag ...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by donna723, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    You all will just have to excuse me ... I don't do this very often but I just couldn't resist this one! My daughter sent me some new pictures this morning. This is my only grandchild and I am his only grandparent and I get to show him off! 2012/?action=view&current=DSC_0415.jpg

    This is Ethan, my three year old grandson, in what is probably my all-time favorite pictures of him! In this picture they're at a place called Patriots Point in Charleston, SC where they live and he's on an aircraft carrier looking through some kind of observation thing. I can't tell if he is deep in thought here or if he's just hot and sweaty and bored and he's pouting! But either way, I just love this picture of him and plan to frame it!

    But now there are times when I look at these pictures of him and just want to cry! After eight years of what seemed to be the perfect marriage, his parents are getting a divorce! Everything appeared to be fine when we were there at Christmas and my daughter thought everything was the same as always, then suddenly sister in law told her that he didn't want to be married any more! He refused any kind of counseling, said it wouldn't do any good. sister in law got an apartment but moved his things out a few at a time, after Ethan went to bed. Ethan was so used to his daddy working nights as a cop and not seeing him for sometimes a week at a time, he didn't even seem to notice when he wasn't staying there any more! So far, he hasn't even asked! He still sees him and goes places with him a couple times a week. They have filed for divorce and the house will go up for sale after they have a little work done on it, but thankfully they don't seem to be in much of a hurry. When the house sells, A and Ethan will move back to Orlando and sister in law will remain in Charleston. They have agreed that A will have Ethan during the school year and that he will spend summer vacations and every other Christmas in Charleston with his dad, although I have no idea how she will do without him for that long. Ethan is just barely three. He's used to his dad being gone and turns to his mom for everything! He's just too little to be away from his mama for that long and would be crying for her after the first hour!

    This whole thing just breaks my heart! I always thought their marriage was as solid as a marriage could be and so did she, but apparently not. And I always looked at Ethan and smiled because he seemed to be such a "charmed" little boy! He's beautiful and he's bright and he's healthy and happy and seemed to have everything going for him. He had two parents who loved him to distraction, who always made him the top priority, who are raising him well with a lot of good ol' common sense and not spoiling him and who seemed to have a rock solid marriage. And now he will be one of those little "statistics" kids who will only have one parent at a time and is shuttled between them twice a year. It's just all so sad! His whole perfect little life is going to be turned upside down and none of it is his fault. And at just-turned-three, who knows how much of it he will understand! I guess he's certainly not the only one but I just never thought my little guy (or his mom!) would ever have to go through that! And there's not one darned thing I can do about it, which makes me so mad!

    I keep thinking though, as little as he is now, he may not ever remember his parents actually being married and all of them living together in the same house!
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2012
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    ((hugs)) donna

    I love love love that photo of him!

    So sad about his parents. never know, a little time apart might help........if not, it's best they not be together and be miserable. I know daughter wasn't expecting it, but if her hubby was miserable.....then eventually he'd carry it over to them. Maybe he's trying to avoid that.
  3. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Hugs, Donna! This is all so painful. When my parents divorced I suddenly felt as if I were walking on ice, never knowing when I would slip. The Earth shifted somehow. Ethan is very young, life is not fair. The Agatha Christie in my brain suspects that something was going on during those nights away from home.
  4. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, that's what's so weird about it! He certainly never acted "miserable" and everything seemed perfectly normal when we were there at Christmas! In fact, what he asked for (and received) from her for Christmas was a new, more blingy wedding band to replace the "bargain" one they bought when they got married that was starting to show a little wear. He does have his issues though and I don't think he's ever really come to terms with his mom's death in that accident four years ago. He's also one of those people who is so super-intelligent that he's almost weird ... you would never really know what was going on in his head. And that hurts too! I feel like I've lost one of my children! I couldn't have loved him more if he was one of my own and I always trusted him totally. My daughter was the kid I always worried about but once she met and married him, I knew she would be OK. I relaxed about her, thought she was doing so well, and so did she. You just never know, do you.
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    3S, that's what I thought too. been there done that. But she said she asked him and they talked about it at length - he said there wasn't anyone else and she did believe him. And she's never seen even the slightest little hint that something like that was going on. But who really knows. If there is, I guess she'll find out soon enough. But what really amazes me is that he is willing to go without seeing Ethan for months at a time, as long as nine months at a stretch on the years that he's with his mama for Christmas. I really have no idea what is going on and I don't think that she does either.
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    sister in law is a cop. Very high-stress job, and one who's side-effects can include PTSD and/or depression, due to what the see and deal with day in and day out. It is possible that sister in law is actually dealing with depression... and needs help, not a divorce. Otherwise, he may not be around to help Ethan grow up.
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    What a cutie! Great photo!

    I am so sorry about the impending divorce. Interesting that your grandson hasn't noticed yet. That certainly says something about the relationship.
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    sister in law isn't on the police force any more. Right before he told her that he didn't want to be married anymore, he voluntarily left the police force and took another job in computers/electronics, what he had always done before. I know he loved the job but wasn't happy with the department he was working for and had applications in for jobs in other municipalities. It makes no sense to me that he left police work altogether either because he loved the work he was doing. He was on this special drunk driver task force and was never happier than when he was getting another drunk driver off the roads and hauling them off to jail! Years ago a drunk driver killed his grandfather and severely injured his grandmother and he never forgot it! Every drunk driver he stopped was "one for grandpa"!

    As far as Ethan goes, sister in law has always been a WONDERFUL, loving, caring father! But it was because of his crazy hours at work that he never saw Ethan. When Ethan was at home and awake, sister in law was either at work or he was sleeping - terrible hours for someone with a small child. And that forced A to be a virtual single parent almost every evening, very hard on them all. And Ethan, sweet and angelic as he looks, has officially been in that "defiant stage" since his first birthday and can be a force to contend with! If Ethan got to spend one day a week with his daddy where they could all do something together, he was lucky. The hours were why he was looking for a position on a different police force ... hard to do because a lot of them were already having cutbacks and layoffs.

    sister in law had already started his new job when they decided to separate and he had found an apartment. But for the first few weeks he would be at home when A got off work and came home with Ethan. Then when Ethan went to bed, he would move some of his things, a few at a time, to his apartment. His moving out was very gradual. Then he started NOT being there maybe one evening a week, then two evenings, then three. So now Ethan knows that his daddy doesn't sleep there any more and but he still sees him and spends a lot of time with him two or three times a week. So far, he hasn't questioned it and hasn't been alarmed or upset. Who knows how much a child just barely three years old really can understand about separation and divorce? Probably not much. I just wish there was something I could do about it but there is nothing!
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    He is just gorgeous! Trust me this will work itself out. You are sad, but nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors. They may have been putting a show on for you at Christmas, all was not well. That little boy deserves peace in his family, it will be ok. It will (HUGS). (He is so cute!)
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I swear your grandson really is one gorgeous child. You have my sympathies about the divorce. When my Ex and I split back in the 60's his parents were devestated. I didn't really understand the depth of emotion they showed until I became a grandparent, sigh. Fortunately we all lived in the same city and they still saw the children very regularly. Hugs
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    That's the thing! They NEVER argued, never had a disagreement! Of course, maybe they should have. But Ethan has never had to listen to his parents fighting and bickering, he never had to contend with that. I have a feeling that both of them came from such "train wreck" families that a lot of things that should have been discussed and sorted out, never were. They both just buried things to keep the peace and that's not good at all.
  12. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    He has the most gorgeous eyes!

    Sorry that his parents are splitting up.
  13. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Beautiful child!

    Love, Esther
  14. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    He is just so cute - Too adorable for words!

    I'm sorry his parents are getting divorced. However, for whatever reasons, if your sister in law isn't happy in his marriage, it's eventually going to become apparent to your grandson as he gets older. in my humble opinion, as hard as it is, spending time separately with each of his parents is far better then living with parents who shouldn't be together. Still, I know this hurts and I'm so sorry. Hugs... SFR