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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 616460" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I was looking at the posting about opening our eyes being so difficult, Recovering. I remembered a dream I had so many years ago. </p><p></p><p>Actually, there have been two dreams about not being able to open my eyes, or to keep my eyes open.</p><p></p><p>During the time difficult child daughter began acting out, I dreamed husband was terribly sick. He was in the passenger seat, and I had to drive through the storm. But I could not keep my eyes open. I was doing it, but I could not stay awake. There was lots of shouting, lots of accusation about how it was I could not know where we were going, when I was the driver. Lots of lightning, incredible bolts of lightning ~ which was the only time I could see. </p><p></p><p>Thunder, everywhere. Trees crashing down.</p><p></p><p>Scary.</p><p></p><p>The meaning had to have something to do with my taking over, or stepping up, to help husband, who had not been able to keep us safe from the terrible things that were going on with difficult child daughter. We had a traditional marriage. husband worked, I did not. husband was Tarzan, I wasn't. As we have discussed, I stepped into that wife/mother role and persona to create a positive self-identity. So, this was the first indication that I was soon to change, and that everything was soon to change. Interestingly enough, one of the first images I dealt with in therapy had to do with shoes. Tenners, ballet slippers, sandals, bare feet. I realized the sandals I'd chosen were not mine. They were way too big. It turned out the sandals were my grandmother's size...and the meaning there was the persona I'd chosen, though I did not understand that, at first. </p><p></p><p>I only knew I preferred going barefoot.</p><p></p><p>I do, to this day.</p><p></p><p>So, that was actually a good dream.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Around that same time, maybe a little later, I dreamed I was in the back seat of my own car. My mother was driving. Her sister was in the passenger seat in the front. I was afraid to speak, or could not speak, but I was trying. I kept struggling to open my eyes. We went to a drive through for food. (I never, hardly ever, eat fast food of any kind.) I was to say what I wanted, when I didn't want any of it. In anger and celebration and triumph, my mother screamed, "Pepper!"</p><p></p><p>To this day? I have issues around driving ~ especially over large bodies of water. </p><p></p><p>I am going to do some work on that imagery. </p><p></p><p>I told a therapist once, when all this began with difficult child daughter and I didn't know what to do, that I felt like one of those water spiders, balancing, such a fragile balance, on the surface tension of the water. Know what he told me? Great imagery. Water spiders triumphantly exist in their own element. They are evolved and created to thrive in, on, or under, the water. </p><p></p><p>Dive in.</p><p></p><p>So I did.</p><p></p><p>And sure enough, I could breathe and function and move all around with incredible facility.</p><p></p><p>Water, breath, vision, movement.</p><p></p><p>Courage, to demand vision, after I'd gone to all that trouble of growing my eyelids closed.</p><p></p><p>I love this imagery, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>Very helpful, to me.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>More water imagery? Jaws. The movie I kept referring to.</p><p></p><p>Huh.</p><p></p><p>Would you like to share your dreams of awakening with me, Recovering?</p><p></p><p>We will both learn. I am feeling a little selfish, taking and taking from you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 616460, member: 17461"] I was looking at the posting about opening our eyes being so difficult, Recovering. I remembered a dream I had so many years ago. Actually, there have been two dreams about not being able to open my eyes, or to keep my eyes open. During the time difficult child daughter began acting out, I dreamed husband was terribly sick. He was in the passenger seat, and I had to drive through the storm. But I could not keep my eyes open. I was doing it, but I could not stay awake. There was lots of shouting, lots of accusation about how it was I could not know where we were going, when I was the driver. Lots of lightning, incredible bolts of lightning ~ which was the only time I could see. Thunder, everywhere. Trees crashing down. Scary. The meaning had to have something to do with my taking over, or stepping up, to help husband, who had not been able to keep us safe from the terrible things that were going on with difficult child daughter. We had a traditional marriage. husband worked, I did not. husband was Tarzan, I wasn't. As we have discussed, I stepped into that wife/mother role and persona to create a positive self-identity. So, this was the first indication that I was soon to change, and that everything was soon to change. Interestingly enough, one of the first images I dealt with in therapy had to do with shoes. Tenners, ballet slippers, sandals, bare feet. I realized the sandals I'd chosen were not mine. They were way too big. It turned out the sandals were my grandmother's size...and the meaning there was the persona I'd chosen, though I did not understand that, at first. I only knew I preferred going barefoot. I do, to this day. So, that was actually a good dream. :O) Around that same time, maybe a little later, I dreamed I was in the back seat of my own car. My mother was driving. Her sister was in the passenger seat in the front. I was afraid to speak, or could not speak, but I was trying. I kept struggling to open my eyes. We went to a drive through for food. (I never, hardly ever, eat fast food of any kind.) I was to say what I wanted, when I didn't want any of it. In anger and celebration and triumph, my mother screamed, "Pepper!" To this day? I have issues around driving ~ especially over large bodies of water. I am going to do some work on that imagery. I told a therapist once, when all this began with difficult child daughter and I didn't know what to do, that I felt like one of those water spiders, balancing, such a fragile balance, on the surface tension of the water. Know what he told me? Great imagery. Water spiders triumphantly exist in their own element. They are evolved and created to thrive in, on, or under, the water. Dive in. So I did. And sure enough, I could breathe and function and move all around with incredible facility. Water, breath, vision, movement. Courage, to demand vision, after I'd gone to all that trouble of growing my eyelids closed. I love this imagery, Recovering. Very helpful, to me. :O) Cedar More water imagery? Jaws. The movie I kept referring to. Huh. Would you like to share your dreams of awakening with me, Recovering? We will both learn. I am feeling a little selfish, taking and taking from you. [/QUOTE]
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