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Another development, another update. Oy.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 616664" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Actually Cedar, I don't recall the details of the red dresses dream anymore to be able to answer your questions. I recall you mentioning the meaning of the color red the last time I shared that dream..........I always forget that part and concentrate on the shock I felt in the knowing and the determination I felt in the making sure my daughter would not be harmed...............the red.........the passion........the vitality, life, life force, all hidden in the closet from way back when .........................and I experienced the females in my family as being removed, lifeless in some ways, void of feelings, empathy, connection......LIFE..........now that I feel I am beyond the destiny of not allowing the abuse to go through me.............I can see how the color, the passion, the vital force of life was hidden in the females.............closeted.........</p><p></p><p>I think those dresses are seeing the light of day now.............</p><p></p><p>Something Brene Brown said in reference to when we push down our fears, our hurts, our pain..........we also push down our joy and aliveness............our life force suffers in the blanket of denial thrown over the fire..............somehow I feel I am released from that dream now.............released back out in to the universe to play with my own fire.........</p><p></p><p>That anger you speak of needs to find it's expression ......appropriate anger I think happens when someone crosses a line we've drawn..............as a child, one can't respond to parents who've crossed boundaries in any kind of healthy appropriate way.................... and as a wise person once told me, 'the body doesn't forget'..................those feelings are stored in there somewhere...............that's how I interpreted my own anger from the last year...........hard to go through and feel but once felt, it's gone. It erupted and was gone. As many have said, we adults are designed to be able to express as freely as babies, each moment new and our expression of any feeling simply presents itself and is complete, rather then the cultural agreement to CONTROL our feelings and present ourselves as something different. Quite vulnerable to be honest in our emotional responses...........fear, anger, love, intimacy........positive and negative...........all are often repressed. Certainly that was true in my family of origin...............a legacy I "practice" everyday to move beyond.</p><p></p><p>I feel somehow "caught up" now. Well maybe living in the NOW is the next step........no ruminating about the past or preparing or worrying about the future..............right here in the present moment........</p><p></p><p>Well, some of my own symbolism has had to do with water too........feelings I believe. I am also always drawn to tropical places or the ocean. SO and I went to the ocean today, as we do almost every week, it's a ritual now. In a way I feel that I've ridden those 'feeling' waves to shore now and at this point in my life (and perhaps yours too) it feels important to unify the elements within, emotional (water), mental (air), physical (earth) and spiritual (fire).</p><p></p><p>I am reading Anne Lamott's <u>Stitches </u>and Pema Chodron's <u>Comfortable with Uncertainty</u> right now.............here's a wonderful quote for you Cedar (by Pema Chodron)........"What everyone on this path shares is the inspiration to rest in uncertainty---cheerfully. The root of suffering is resisting the certainty that no matter what the circumstances, uncertainty is all we truly have. What we call uncertainty is actually the open quality of any given moment. When we can be present for this openness--as it is always present for us--we discover that our capacity to love and care for others is limitless." </p><p></p><p>Well, that's the opposite of enabling for sure!!!</p><p></p><p>I love the "cheerfully" part............made me laugh out loud when I read it, because cheerfully is rarely how any of us approach uncertainty..............so this is my new guiding principal.............(smile)............my "practice"...............to be cheerful in the face of uncertainty..............to live in the present moment.............to open to that limitless capacity to love.................</p><p></p><p>I just recently had a dream where I was in the home I had when my daughter was growing up.............it is in the woods, rather remote.............in it I had promised the people who live there now that I would stay there and house-sit yet one of the doors had a broken door knob which meant staying there would not be safe. Two women friends approached on a motorcycle but ignored my requests to just drive me to town to get a doorknob so I could stay, keep my word and not be afraid. They left. As I was trying to "figure it out" (a favored position for my active mind................ and even the dilemma, being responsible for something or someone else versus making sure I have my needs met and that I'm safe) SO walks in, as easy and smooth as he usually is and says, "I have a door knob." I was instantly profoundly relieved. I woke up smiling.</p><p></p><p>It all worked out. I didn't have to DO anything..........</p><p></p><p>That's the kind of dream I'm having now...........they feel more like a completion and tying things up............. reconciliation.......... </p><p></p><p>Cedar, just in these last couple of weeks things seem to be smoothing out...........so many of the rough edges of detachment which can snag you when you least expect it............have become benign............for awhile there I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest without oxygen, but seems I have descended the mountain and arrived at base camp............I think I'll take a moment and rest on this summit.................I think one travels pretty light from this point on...................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 616664, member: 13542"] Actually Cedar, I don't recall the details of the red dresses dream anymore to be able to answer your questions. I recall you mentioning the meaning of the color red the last time I shared that dream..........I always forget that part and concentrate on the shock I felt in the knowing and the determination I felt in the making sure my daughter would not be harmed...............the red.........the passion........the vitality, life, life force, all hidden in the closet from way back when .........................and I experienced the females in my family as being removed, lifeless in some ways, void of feelings, empathy, connection......LIFE..........now that I feel I am beyond the destiny of not allowing the abuse to go through me.............I can see how the color, the passion, the vital force of life was hidden in the females.............closeted......... I think those dresses are seeing the light of day now............. Something Brene Brown said in reference to when we push down our fears, our hurts, our pain..........we also push down our joy and aliveness............our life force suffers in the blanket of denial thrown over the fire..............somehow I feel I am released from that dream now.............released back out in to the universe to play with my own fire......... That anger you speak of needs to find it's expression ......appropriate anger I think happens when someone crosses a line we've drawn..............as a child, one can't respond to parents who've crossed boundaries in any kind of healthy appropriate way.................... and as a wise person once told me, 'the body doesn't forget'..................those feelings are stored in there somewhere...............that's how I interpreted my own anger from the last year...........hard to go through and feel but once felt, it's gone. It erupted and was gone. As many have said, we adults are designed to be able to express as freely as babies, each moment new and our expression of any feeling simply presents itself and is complete, rather then the cultural agreement to CONTROL our feelings and present ourselves as something different. Quite vulnerable to be honest in our emotional responses...........fear, anger, love, intimacy........positive and negative...........all are often repressed. Certainly that was true in my family of origin...............a legacy I "practice" everyday to move beyond. I feel somehow "caught up" now. Well maybe living in the NOW is the next step........no ruminating about the past or preparing or worrying about the future..............right here in the present moment........ Well, some of my own symbolism has had to do with water too........feelings I believe. I am also always drawn to tropical places or the ocean. SO and I went to the ocean today, as we do almost every week, it's a ritual now. In a way I feel that I've ridden those 'feeling' waves to shore now and at this point in my life (and perhaps yours too) it feels important to unify the elements within, emotional (water), mental (air), physical (earth) and spiritual (fire). I am reading Anne Lamott's [U]Stitches [/U]and Pema Chodron's [U]Comfortable with Uncertainty[/U] right now.............here's a wonderful quote for you Cedar (by Pema Chodron)........"What everyone on this path shares is the inspiration to rest in uncertainty---cheerfully. The root of suffering is resisting the certainty that no matter what the circumstances, uncertainty is all we truly have. What we call uncertainty is actually the open quality of any given moment. When we can be present for this openness--as it is always present for us--we discover that our capacity to love and care for others is limitless." Well, that's the opposite of enabling for sure!!! I love the "cheerfully" part............made me laugh out loud when I read it, because cheerfully is rarely how any of us approach uncertainty..............so this is my new guiding principal.............(smile)............my "practice"...............to be cheerful in the face of uncertainty..............to live in the present moment.............to open to that limitless capacity to love................. I just recently had a dream where I was in the home I had when my daughter was growing up.............it is in the woods, rather remote.............in it I had promised the people who live there now that I would stay there and house-sit yet one of the doors had a broken door knob which meant staying there would not be safe. Two women friends approached on a motorcycle but ignored my requests to just drive me to town to get a doorknob so I could stay, keep my word and not be afraid. They left. As I was trying to "figure it out" (a favored position for my active mind................ and even the dilemma, being responsible for something or someone else versus making sure I have my needs met and that I'm safe) SO walks in, as easy and smooth as he usually is and says, "I have a door knob." I was instantly profoundly relieved. I woke up smiling. It all worked out. I didn't have to DO anything.......... That's the kind of dream I'm having now...........they feel more like a completion and tying things up............. reconciliation.......... Cedar, just in these last couple of weeks things seem to be smoothing out...........so many of the rough edges of detachment which can snag you when you least expect it............have become benign............for awhile there I felt like I had climbed Mt. Everest without oxygen, but seems I have descended the mountain and arrived at base camp............I think I'll take a moment and rest on this summit.................I think one travels pretty light from this point on................... [/QUOTE]
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