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Another development, another update. Oy.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 617195" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning! Cedar, I agree that remembering to be kind to those around us as we change is important, however, it is <u>very </u>important to remember to be kind to yourself. I think part of the changes bring out the angers and feelings we could not allow before, so being angry at husband, the kids, your sister is really quite appropriate..........don't stuff those feelings back down again............but recognizing the anger shouldn't be thrown at them but permitted to surface and be expressed in the most appropriate way you can manage.............the different way in which others are responding to you is NOT your responsibility to make nice about, that is really their problem, not yours. Others are going to be uncomfortable and have their own set of feelings about your changes, you don't need to take that on.</p><p></p><p>In your dream YOU'RE the one who hit the ground hard, you didn't take anyone out as you did that. I imagine you are very good at being kind to others, it's being kind to yourself which is probably more of what needs to happen. Enabling is putting the care of others <u>before </u>ourselves, don't do that now............... remember to take good care of YOU while you are going through these massive changes. Nurture yourself. As you get better at taking really good care of YOU, you will be better able to take care of others in an appropriate way. As we are in this vulnerable and new place, in this cocoon transforming, we are newly formed and have to be careful to NOT slip back in to the old patterns of enabling..............you may slip and be inappropriately angry, but you can always correct that and make it right.........trust yourself to respond appropriately.</p><p></p><p>And, in addition, husband and the kids and your sister <strong>did </strong>inappropriate things to YOU, they have all been abusive in some way.............you responding differently and being angry IS appropriate and healthy, being angry when someone crosses a line is a healthy response...............most of us enablers are very uncomfortable with our own anger and really, that needs to happen in order for us to grow and learn. When I said you were moving through all of this quickly, I was much more concerned about you, not your lack of kindness to anyone else. I trust that as the dust settles, you will find your way through and you will consider the feelings of others.............but NEVER again above YOUR feelings.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 617195, member: 13542"] Good morning! Cedar, I agree that remembering to be kind to those around us as we change is important, however, it is [U]very [/U]important to remember to be kind to yourself. I think part of the changes bring out the angers and feelings we could not allow before, so being angry at husband, the kids, your sister is really quite appropriate..........don't stuff those feelings back down again............but recognizing the anger shouldn't be thrown at them but permitted to surface and be expressed in the most appropriate way you can manage.............the different way in which others are responding to you is NOT your responsibility to make nice about, that is really their problem, not yours. Others are going to be uncomfortable and have their own set of feelings about your changes, you don't need to take that on. In your dream YOU'RE the one who hit the ground hard, you didn't take anyone out as you did that. I imagine you are very good at being kind to others, it's being kind to yourself which is probably more of what needs to happen. Enabling is putting the care of others [U]before [/U]ourselves, don't do that now............... remember to take good care of YOU while you are going through these massive changes. Nurture yourself. As you get better at taking really good care of YOU, you will be better able to take care of others in an appropriate way. As we are in this vulnerable and new place, in this cocoon transforming, we are newly formed and have to be careful to NOT slip back in to the old patterns of enabling..............you may slip and be inappropriately angry, but you can always correct that and make it right.........trust yourself to respond appropriately. And, in addition, husband and the kids and your sister [B]did [/B]inappropriate things to YOU, they have all been abusive in some way.............you responding differently and being angry IS appropriate and healthy, being angry when someone crosses a line is a healthy response...............most of us enablers are very uncomfortable with our own anger and really, that needs to happen in order for us to grow and learn. When I said you were moving through all of this quickly, I was much more concerned about you, not your lack of kindness to anyone else. I trust that as the dust settles, you will find your way through and you will consider the feelings of others.............but NEVER again above YOUR feelings. [/QUOTE]
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