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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 617287" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Very interesting post Cedar. I understand about witnessing rage and the power OVER as opposed to our personal power which empowers the Self and others. I too reigned in my power and anger. I have been riding that edge for many, many years as I discover that balance point. It has also been challenging to live within a society which discourages women's anger, so there are more components to it then just our families of origin. I think it is almost common for women of our generation to run into this issue, perhaps not with as much of a disparity between the power poles, but I don't think it's uncommon.</p><p></p><p>My father raged, my mother manipulated, both roles were abhorrent to me and I didn't want to follow either......... leaving me without a compass to negotiate any rough seas. I've also encountered other women who have not expressed their anger or their power and the choices they made............... manipulations, judgments, blame, depression, not taking risks, fears, jealousies.............the results of squashing our power/anger...........I believe buried underneath our anger is our power, not power over, but the authentic expression of who we really are. As you said to me, "<em><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 128)">True power lies in flexibility, in present moment engagement, in coming into every opportunity with our eyes open and our senses of playfulness and curiosity and integrity and sanctity fully engaged." </span></em><span style="color: #000000"> It's being REAL. And telling the truth. It is, to me, exactly what you said in that quote.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">We have few role models for that. I am learning to ask myself what it is I want and then to communicate it. No BS, not making nice, or editing, or holding it in, or throwing feelings around, or judging, just what is it I want and then telling the truth about that. I do not want outrageous stuff, I simply want to be heard, to have my opinion matter, not to be right or get what I want at all costs, but to express what I want and discuss it with others who are expressing what they want. This turns out to be a tall order. In the small circle of people I hang out with, I am also encouraging them to be real too. Seems you and I aren't the only ones that this issue impacts, it's global.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">That's what is changing with your husband, your kids and your sister. You haven't been real or authentic, you've acted out of a role which didn't permit true feelings, only segments of truth which you felt would be accepted. They did the same thing. Now you changed the game and went and got real..............it is very vulnerable to take one's mask off and tell the truth, without the roles, we can be annihilated. Or we can be liberated from the false roles.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Perhaps you might exchange the word shame to embarrassed. You might be embarrassed if you make some mistakes a long the way now, but you can trust yourself to correct them, apologize if necessary and move on. No more shame. I heard a workshop leader once say that "embarrassment is the step before enlightenment," because when we feel that hot sticky feeling of being embarrassed it is usually because we recognize we have messed up somehow...........then we correct it............we are spiritual beings having a human experience and no one handed us a big book of rules, we MAKE MISTAKES and that is how we learn. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Anger is held in the body Cedar, so find physical ways to express it. Scream, stomp around, kick, whatever will release it. Thinking about it and observing it doesn't release it, it needs to be expressed somehow.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I've been in many women's groups over the years and an interesting observation for me has been that the angriest women have often had the most calm and quiet facades, the softest voice, a crooked smile masking all the unsaid words...........and then at some point I've watched that veneer explode...........it seems we have some image of what a NON angry person looks like and we spend years practicing refining that image so it looks good.............but it usually cracks open at some point when life hits us with the cosmic hammer. And, it ain't pretty.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I agree, this is indeed a BIRTH. With all the labor pains and joy. And cruising down the birth canal is an arduous journey in the dark.................but this birth is conscious and deliberate, a new beginning without the fear of simply being who you (we) were always meant to be.</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I love that phrase as well Cedar, "harmonious neurosis" and think about it, as our neurosis subsides and more health prevails, the "other" has to become less neurotic as well...............or there will be no harmony..........we can grow together which requires more authenticity, vulnerability and courage.............and offers more intimacy, more connection, more fun, more LIFE, vitality, engagement and presence. What an amazing journey..........</span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">I have been practicing that "present moment engagement" you spoke of Cedar............it made this time with SO and granddaughter and bestie and other Mom a really heartfelt, connected, amazingly playful experience for all of us. Being "real" brings on deep connections with others and I am getting better at simply expressing my honest feelings and being open and available for the honest expression of others as well. That open connection/expression is a beautiful thing. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000">Cedar, I do believe you've rewired your grandmothers house. And, as a result, all the generations following are now dealing with all new wiring.............as the new current runs through everyone, there may be some sparks, some energy shifts, some breakdowns...........but ultimately, that new current will run smooth and easy and your power to express your authentic self will be just the way it is. </span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 617287, member: 13542"] Very interesting post Cedar. I understand about witnessing rage and the power OVER as opposed to our personal power which empowers the Self and others. I too reigned in my power and anger. I have been riding that edge for many, many years as I discover that balance point. It has also been challenging to live within a society which discourages women's anger, so there are more components to it then just our families of origin. I think it is almost common for women of our generation to run into this issue, perhaps not with as much of a disparity between the power poles, but I don't think it's uncommon. My father raged, my mother manipulated, both roles were abhorrent to me and I didn't want to follow either......... leaving me without a compass to negotiate any rough seas. I've also encountered other women who have not expressed their anger or their power and the choices they made............... manipulations, judgments, blame, depression, not taking risks, fears, jealousies.............the results of squashing our power/anger...........I believe buried underneath our anger is our power, not power over, but the authentic expression of who we really are. As you said to me, "[I][COLOR=rgb(255, 0, 128)]True power lies in flexibility, in present moment engagement, in coming into every opportunity with our eyes open and our senses of playfulness and curiosity and integrity and sanctity fully engaged." [/COLOR][/I][COLOR=#000000] It's being REAL. And telling the truth. It is, to me, exactly what you said in that quote. We have few role models for that. I am learning to ask myself what it is I want and then to communicate it. No BS, not making nice, or editing, or holding it in, or throwing feelings around, or judging, just what is it I want and then telling the truth about that. I do not want outrageous stuff, I simply want to be heard, to have my opinion matter, not to be right or get what I want at all costs, but to express what I want and discuss it with others who are expressing what they want. This turns out to be a tall order. In the small circle of people I hang out with, I am also encouraging them to be real too. Seems you and I aren't the only ones that this issue impacts, it's global. That's what is changing with your husband, your kids and your sister. You haven't been real or authentic, you've acted out of a role which didn't permit true feelings, only segments of truth which you felt would be accepted. They did the same thing. Now you changed the game and went and got real..............it is very vulnerable to take one's mask off and tell the truth, without the roles, we can be annihilated. Or we can be liberated from the false roles. Perhaps you might exchange the word shame to embarrassed. You might be embarrassed if you make some mistakes a long the way now, but you can trust yourself to correct them, apologize if necessary and move on. No more shame. I heard a workshop leader once say that "embarrassment is the step before enlightenment," because when we feel that hot sticky feeling of being embarrassed it is usually because we recognize we have messed up somehow...........then we correct it............we are spiritual beings having a human experience and no one handed us a big book of rules, we MAKE MISTAKES and that is how we learn. Anger is held in the body Cedar, so find physical ways to express it. Scream, stomp around, kick, whatever will release it. Thinking about it and observing it doesn't release it, it needs to be expressed somehow. I've been in many women's groups over the years and an interesting observation for me has been that the angriest women have often had the most calm and quiet facades, the softest voice, a crooked smile masking all the unsaid words...........and then at some point I've watched that veneer explode...........it seems we have some image of what a NON angry person looks like and we spend years practicing refining that image so it looks good.............but it usually cracks open at some point when life hits us with the cosmic hammer. And, it ain't pretty. I agree, this is indeed a BIRTH. With all the labor pains and joy. And cruising down the birth canal is an arduous journey in the dark.................but this birth is conscious and deliberate, a new beginning without the fear of simply being who you (we) were always meant to be. I love that phrase as well Cedar, "harmonious neurosis" and think about it, as our neurosis subsides and more health prevails, the "other" has to become less neurotic as well...............or there will be no harmony..........we can grow together which requires more authenticity, vulnerability and courage.............and offers more intimacy, more connection, more fun, more LIFE, vitality, engagement and presence. What an amazing journey.......... I have been practicing that "present moment engagement" you spoke of Cedar............it made this time with SO and granddaughter and bestie and other Mom a really heartfelt, connected, amazingly playful experience for all of us. Being "real" brings on deep connections with others and I am getting better at simply expressing my honest feelings and being open and available for the honest expression of others as well. That open connection/expression is a beautiful thing. Cedar, I do believe you've rewired your grandmothers house. And, as a result, all the generations following are now dealing with all new wiring.............as the new current runs through everyone, there may be some sparks, some energy shifts, some breakdowns...........but ultimately, that new current will run smooth and easy and your power to express your authentic self will be just the way it is. [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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