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Parent Emeritus
Another development, another update. Oy.
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 617906" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I am honored to be here Cedar, really.</p><p></p><p>I am touched once again by how harmed we can be from our parents and the long reaching damage that does to our tender spirits..............it makes me sad. Sometimes I see children in the market or anywhere and I recognize the hurt look in their eyes...........someone has done damage to them already and I can't tell you how much that hurts my heart. I know that path that child will endeavor down to try to find herself, to try to be whole and complete, to try to have healthy relationships..............or perhaps to go down the other path, to harm others, to inflict more pain..............it's a terrible thing this thing we call child abuse. I used to think it was uncommon, but so many parents just don't know how much they can harm a vulnerable child looking to them for safety and love.......................well meaning parents can do harm too, not just parents who are actively abusing............</p><p></p><p>I feel sad for the child you were Cedar, that you sustained the injuries you did and felt fear about just being yourself. Me too, I felt that fear as well. And, you're right, it ends up being about trust.........and letting go of fear. In the Course in Miracles, simply put, it says there are two states we can be in, fear or love and we get to choose. Fear constricts us, makes us rigid, stuck in some kind of control and judgment............the opposite of expanding and including............when we are little and afraid we become very good at living with fear and not being real............and controlling..............and enabling. Fear has many faces..............all of which rob us of life.</p><p></p><p>I had an image of myself many years ago being encased in plastic wearing a long evening gown...........(like Loretta Young in a very old TV show she used to do when I was a kid, wearing evening gowns................) and I could see how stuck I was in that role...........in that plastic..........I just wanted OUT. It's been quite the journey out of that plastic, let me tell you. And, as you said, it isn't fun or easy, so one can really empathize with those who opt out and just stay stuck!</p><p></p><p>I have that feeling too................<em>I don't have to DO anything...............there is nothing TO do</em>. It's pretty great too. It was an "inside job" Cedar...............we created the roles to survive and then we had to dismantle them to live. Sigh. </p><p></p><p>One thing I am clear about is this.............you can't go back. Once expanded out you can't constrict again, now it hurts and you know what you're doing..............just can't fit into that plastic mold anymore. </p><p></p><p>Your intention to be kind to yourself and love yourself is working. It's remarkable for me to observe your process and watch you blossom. My all time favorite quote is by Anais Nin..........</p><p>"<em>And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."</em></p><p></p><p>It can be painful to blossom, much like giving birth to ourselves..........as we blossom, we break up all the stuff which has been holding us so tightly and that hurts............and then we can become the beautiful flower we were meant to be............</p><p></p><p>Keep asking yourself what it is you want Cedar................<u>really</u> want..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 617906, member: 13542"] I am honored to be here Cedar, really. I am touched once again by how harmed we can be from our parents and the long reaching damage that does to our tender spirits..............it makes me sad. Sometimes I see children in the market or anywhere and I recognize the hurt look in their eyes...........someone has done damage to them already and I can't tell you how much that hurts my heart. I know that path that child will endeavor down to try to find herself, to try to be whole and complete, to try to have healthy relationships..............or perhaps to go down the other path, to harm others, to inflict more pain..............it's a terrible thing this thing we call child abuse. I used to think it was uncommon, but so many parents just don't know how much they can harm a vulnerable child looking to them for safety and love.......................well meaning parents can do harm too, not just parents who are actively abusing............ I feel sad for the child you were Cedar, that you sustained the injuries you did and felt fear about just being yourself. Me too, I felt that fear as well. And, you're right, it ends up being about trust.........and letting go of fear. In the Course in Miracles, simply put, it says there are two states we can be in, fear or love and we get to choose. Fear constricts us, makes us rigid, stuck in some kind of control and judgment............the opposite of expanding and including............when we are little and afraid we become very good at living with fear and not being real............and controlling..............and enabling. Fear has many faces..............all of which rob us of life. I had an image of myself many years ago being encased in plastic wearing a long evening gown...........(like Loretta Young in a very old TV show she used to do when I was a kid, wearing evening gowns................) and I could see how stuck I was in that role...........in that plastic..........I just wanted OUT. It's been quite the journey out of that plastic, let me tell you. And, as you said, it isn't fun or easy, so one can really empathize with those who opt out and just stay stuck! I have that feeling too................[I]I don't have to DO anything...............there is nothing TO do[/I]. It's pretty great too. It was an "inside job" Cedar...............we created the roles to survive and then we had to dismantle them to live. Sigh. One thing I am clear about is this.............you can't go back. Once expanded out you can't constrict again, now it hurts and you know what you're doing..............just can't fit into that plastic mold anymore. Your intention to be kind to yourself and love yourself is working. It's remarkable for me to observe your process and watch you blossom. My all time favorite quote is by Anais Nin.......... "[I]And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."[/I] [I][/I] It can be painful to blossom, much like giving birth to ourselves..........as we blossom, we break up all the stuff which has been holding us so tightly and that hurts............and then we can become the beautiful flower we were meant to be............ Keep asking yourself what it is you want Cedar................[U]really[/U] want.......... [/QUOTE]
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