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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 749789" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>BusynMember, I never thought about it before but that's an insightful comment you made about "stable people don't tend to give up babies for adoption" so adopted children are automatically at a higher risk for addiction and mental illness. I'm definitely still pro-adoption, but that is something that people need to be aware of when they adopt so they go in, knowing what the risks are. </p><p></p><p>JayPee, I could have written what you just wrote about yourself. I too detach, but within days my heart softens. For some reason, I tend to imagine that his heart has softened too when, in reality, he is just the same and like your sons probably imagines that he has defeated me and can continue the abuse. I too no longer know him. The glimpses I see from what he says to me is pretty scary and heartbreaking. </p><p></p><p>As for an update: My sister sent me a message during the night and said she had broached the subject of my coming out there to see him (I had been thinking of doing that and had checked flights, etc.) She said Josh told her that "He wants to see me, but he's not in a good place right now, so it would not be a good time right now to come." Baloney. He just doesn't want to see me and he doesn't want her to know he feels that way because it might affect the good impression he's trying to make right now. I wasn't surprised but it still hurts. </p><p>Surprisingly though, I did receive a text from him last night, with the words, "Thanks Mom." I assume he was thanking me for the cash I sent and the check I sent for clothing. When he is in a "nice" mood, he calls me "Mom." I acknowledged my sister's message, but I have decided not to respond to him for the time being. Some distance is good right now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 749789, member: 22597"] BusynMember, I never thought about it before but that's an insightful comment you made about "stable people don't tend to give up babies for adoption" so adopted children are automatically at a higher risk for addiction and mental illness. I'm definitely still pro-adoption, but that is something that people need to be aware of when they adopt so they go in, knowing what the risks are. JayPee, I could have written what you just wrote about yourself. I too detach, but within days my heart softens. For some reason, I tend to imagine that his heart has softened too when, in reality, he is just the same and like your sons probably imagines that he has defeated me and can continue the abuse. I too no longer know him. The glimpses I see from what he says to me is pretty scary and heartbreaking. As for an update: My sister sent me a message during the night and said she had broached the subject of my coming out there to see him (I had been thinking of doing that and had checked flights, etc.) She said Josh told her that "He wants to see me, but he's not in a good place right now, so it would not be a good time right now to come." Baloney. He just doesn't want to see me and he doesn't want her to know he feels that way because it might affect the good impression he's trying to make right now. I wasn't surprised but it still hurts. Surprisingly though, I did receive a text from him last night, with the words, "Thanks Mom." I assume he was thanking me for the cash I sent and the check I sent for clothing. When he is in a "nice" mood, he calls me "Mom." I acknowledged my sister's message, but I have decided not to respond to him for the time being. Some distance is good right now. [/QUOTE]
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