Another "hmmmm"....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, May 7, 2011.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Some friends came over last night. I made a small campfire and we sat around and enjoyed the evening.

    The husband in this couple is one of the friends that is a mechanic and gives me direction with the auto work I do on my own. While he likes husband, he has said more than once that husband needs to get his head outta his butt and help me.

    I went to the house last night to get a drink and while I was gone, husband told them that my ankle is far better than his will ever be.

    Confirmation of what I already knew? Sure feels like it.
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Personally, I think everything of yours is better than his will ever be, except I do think his in-laws are better than yours!
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?


    Thanks for the laugh. I do think my ankle will end up more functional than his. Part of it is advancement in medicine. And a big part of it is just plain hard work. I knew him when he injured his, and he didn't follow doctor's orders and didn't do his exercises. He had a "screw 'em" attitude. You get out of it what you put in it. He mentioned once that maybe he should go see my PT and see if he can't make his better. I offered to set him up, but he quickly backed out. Said he didn't think he could take the pressure. PT hurts. I have shed many tears in that building in the past 4 months. But his choice, just don't take it out on me!

    BUT, that still doesn't make it a competition or excuse for how he behaved this winter.
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    lol no it doesnt'......... yet i'm glad you had the campfire and the time..... seems like things are slowly coming together for you guys...... yet ankle thing i gotta say i think it's a male thing.

    husband is same way with that kinda stuff. if i'm sick oops guess what he's got a cold too. now with the ms he's like hmm i wonder what i have?? LOL

    i'm like really?? stop yourself!!! men are from mars.......... woman we are from a land far away from that!!
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    You have a lot of patience. I'd have walloped him in the other ankle for a remark like that.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Lol Hazoi, we share lots of similar thoughts. lol WTH difference does it make, anyway, who's is "better" or "worse"? They both suck. Get over it and get on.

    We had our little counseling session tonight. It certainly did not go well. lol He can sit there and say I'm justified in my complaints, and he would not be happy if he were in my shoes, but he can not say he'll do anything different. WTH?
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You can actually get him to even GO?
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I was shocked he went, too.

    Early on I thought I can do this; He's just another difficult child. Now, tho, I'm not so sure.
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not what? Does he think this means he "wins" the pain and suffering contest or something?

    What an idiotic thing to say!

    Shari nearly lost a foot, had it surgically re-attached, attended months of physical therapy, still working hard to get back....

    but lets pity her husband! Awwww.....that poor man....

    Gimme a break.
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    I have a question for one of your friends/relatives to throw at him next time he says something like this (and he will):

    Hey, how come your ankle is so bad as that? I am so sorry to hear it. But wow, yours must be really bad, if Shari's is better. After all, didn't they have to sew her foot back on? That would certainly mean a lot of ongoing problems, pain, need for therapy etc. Shari doing so well now - it just goes to show, she's a real trooper, has worked hard to do so well. You must be very proud of your wife."

    I hope he chokes on his beer...

  11. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Shari, exactly what does he expect to happen over the next months or years? With your relationship, I mean. Does he honestly think that you will continue to keep him around when he is like this? When he does nothing, admits he does nothing and his "trying" counts more as "trying to get her off my back" than trying to help be a partner to you.

    You have said that you pay 95% of the bills and expenses. What does he expect to happen when you finally have had enough and kick him to the curb? Will he still see his daughter? I doubt it - you seem to do all the work involved in having her with y'all and in parenting her. What does he think will happen to his $$. Maybe you should start charging him a fee for room and board.

    He does NOT sound like he believes you will EVER leave him. It really seems like he thinks all he has to do is improve a LITTLE for a few weeks until you "get over it" and then he can go back to the way it was where you did everything and he watched tv.

    I am sorry. I had hoped he would really show some honest effort and make an honest attempt to carry his share of the load. in my opinion your life would be a LOT easier and less stressful with-o him.

    Just think - if you kick him out the Broom Closet will have to go with him!!!

    I am sorry. I just don't see him EVER making any real changes in your relationship that would be positive from your point of view. I wish I could be optimistic about this.

    Have you sat down with a pencil and calculator and figured out what your finances would be without him? Including lower grocery bills, etc...It might be a free-ing experience.
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    OMG---are you my sister wife????? I went in the store several weeks ago to deliver almostexdh his 1/2 of tax refund he had been bugging me about----
    Now I work all day and then do 2 extra hours of teaching every afternoon. He asked how I was---I said tired---working a lot--- then he said, "Me too. I had to get a 2nd job. Last night I went out to eat for a secret shop and got paid $35." And he is just as tired and works much more than I
  13. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Omg EW! Getting paid to eat out is rough stuff!
    Dwerks (dweebs and jerks, mixed together)
  14. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Sat night didn't go well at all but he's stepped it up a bit again. Flippin roller coaster and I hate it, but here we are.

    His big 'chore' saturday was to put a hitch on the little truck he's driving so he can 'pull a trailer if he needs to'. We have 2 3/4 ton trucks. We don't even own any trailers small enough to put behind the s10. But that's what he I'd to stay busy. How about...moving those appliances? Or maybe fixing the fence the tree fell on this winter? Or checking that overdue cow more than once a week....

    Sheesh. I'm a royal b with an itch about this junk these days....
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    And might I mention that in doing this, his truck now has no tail or brake lights and he wants to take it to the mechanic to fix it.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    So the reality was that instead of "stepping it up" and doing what needs to be done, he spent the weekend doing something that did NOT need to be done, and sure as sugar was NOT as urgent as fixing a fence so the livestock and land would be protected or checking the cow who might die in labor/delivery or her calf who also might not survive. And his pretend work resulted in a vehicle that is NOT road-worthy and in fact is dangerous and illegal to drive on any public road AND is going to cost money to be brought to legally driveable standards.

    So he was able to LOOK like he was working all weekend, and even to get you thinking that at least he was accomplishing something even if it was NOT something that would ever be needed. Is this really stepping it up?

    Be aware that now that he has a trailer hitch he is going to be determined to pull something with that truck, even if it is in no way, shape or form able to safely pull the trailer or whatever he hooks up to it. After all he has to make sure it will work, doesn't he (this is just how men think)? Then it will wreck the truck either by having an accident, trashing the transmission and the rest of the truck or he has done it so badly that the back half of the truck will just fall off. Then it will be a HUGE crisis and he will NEED to take over one of YOUR vehicles - preferable the best one so that he can destroy it also.

    Don't you wish you could hook up some kind of gadget so he had to put in money to get 30 min of tv time and couldn't load it up for hours, just thirty min at a time? And make it cost enough money that he couldn't afford more than an hour? I used to dream about getting something like this for the tv when the kids would be squabbling over it all the time.
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh no Susie, he didn't fool me. He did do a few other things, tho, but the truck was the time consumer. His 'dishes' are back to acceptable, and he spent a good chunk of time last night trying to fix the lights - which, while was stupid to do in the first place, I think he knew better than to automatically jump in one if the others, so that could be something, I don't know.
    He moved a load of lumber, which I wouldn't call a priority, but was something that did need to be done.
    I called him out on the truck. 'Busy' doesn't mean he's doing what needs to be done... (but it is better than that *£%#>£ tv.
  18. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I forget what it's called, but I think it's one of the "Habits of Successful People"...

    Life should be divided into four categories:
    1) Urgent and Important (Fire, car stranded on side of road, medical emergency)
    2) Important, but not urgent (buying fire extinguishers, taking car of the car, routine dr visits, exercise, spending time with family)
    3) Urgent, but not important (telephone ringing, emails, facebook, television)
    4) Not urgent and not important ("busy" work)

    Successful people focus on Category #2. If you do what's important - at work, at home, at school, in relationships - you will be very successful. You don't spend a lot of time worrying about useless, trivial things....AND because you are always focused in what is important - very few items reach Category #1 because they are dealt with before they are left so long that they become an emergency.

    husband needs to focus on Category 2.

    This is hard...and we all like to let these things slide...

    Category 3 is much more fun -

    but Category 2 is most important.
  19. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Back in the mid 70s I lived in a place that had exactly such a hook-up to the TV. The owner was forever fiddling with it to make it cut out sooner (so the tenants would have to put in more money). The TV was coin in the slot, the only phone in the place was a private pay phone, the laundry (which was a shambles, the machines rarely worked) was coin in the slot too.

    We had a rule with the TV - whoever paid the piper called the tune. So whoever put the money in, got to say what we watched. I could never afford to put money in, I would just watch whatever was on. Or nothing.

    It was a horrible place. But it did teach me a lot; notably, how low you can go in this world to get a roof over your head.