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Another letter from father!-- not opening this one!
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 622022" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Cedar, I love your whole post that you wrote above. It is very beautiful. </p><p></p><p>My parents lost my sister, their daughter, 29 years ago. Their marriage took a beating before she died---she was sick for years and years---and then after she died. There are three of us still, the siblings, I think they only reason they didn't divorce was they couldn't afford to! </p><p></p><p>They stayed together, and they still love each other, but I wish they had some habits like you describe with your husband. My brother lives with them, and that really isn't good for their (my parents') relationship, but that is not going to change. </p><p></p><p>They do things together and I believe they really enjoy each other when it's just the too of them and nothing stressful going on. Right now my mother goes to outpatient PT and ST twice a week. My dad takes her. Then they go out to eat, just the two of them, on the way home about 4 pm. I think they enjoy that time together. I know they still love each other, and that is a good thing to see. They have been married for 58 years.</p><p></p><p>Their journey, up until my sister died, is kind of like the journeys we are all on. It just keeps happening. There is no "one event that is horrible, final, and done...it's over." I don't want that but I see the allure in that. The terrible and appealing finality.</p><p></p><p>I know some---a few---on this site have experienced that and I can't know what that is like. I imagine the terrible and horrible vastly outweighs any relief or appeal---that is how I have come to see my sister's death. </p><p></p><p>The night she died, I prayed for her to go. It was awful, the waiting and the watching and the knowing it was imminent. </p><p></p><p>Then, once she did die that night, I wished so desperately for her to still be there. Death is so final. I felt so bad that I had wished her to go on and go. I loved her so much. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how I got on that, but I love the fact that you and husband were able to talk about your deepest feelings about your children. What a beautiful and important thing for a couple to be able to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 622022, member: 17542"] Cedar, I love your whole post that you wrote above. It is very beautiful. My parents lost my sister, their daughter, 29 years ago. Their marriage took a beating before she died---she was sick for years and years---and then after she died. There are three of us still, the siblings, I think they only reason they didn't divorce was they couldn't afford to! They stayed together, and they still love each other, but I wish they had some habits like you describe with your husband. My brother lives with them, and that really isn't good for their (my parents') relationship, but that is not going to change. They do things together and I believe they really enjoy each other when it's just the too of them and nothing stressful going on. Right now my mother goes to outpatient PT and ST twice a week. My dad takes her. Then they go out to eat, just the two of them, on the way home about 4 pm. I think they enjoy that time together. I know they still love each other, and that is a good thing to see. They have been married for 58 years. Their journey, up until my sister died, is kind of like the journeys we are all on. It just keeps happening. There is no "one event that is horrible, final, and done...it's over." I don't want that but I see the allure in that. The terrible and appealing finality. I know some---a few---on this site have experienced that and I can't know what that is like. I imagine the terrible and horrible vastly outweighs any relief or appeal---that is how I have come to see my sister's death. The night she died, I prayed for her to go. It was awful, the waiting and the watching and the knowing it was imminent. Then, once she did die that night, I wished so desperately for her to still be there. Death is so final. I felt so bad that I had wished her to go on and go. I loved her so much. I don't know how I got on that, but I love the fact that you and husband were able to talk about your deepest feelings about your children. What a beautiful and important thing for a couple to be able to do. [/QUOTE]
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