Another lost soul

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by 10yrsL8tr, Aug 16, 2014.

  1. 10yrsL8tr

    10yrsL8tr New Member

    I'm sure my difficult child is not unique, tho I used to think she was. That was a long time ago. She'll be 27 next month, and has been using drugs for 10 yrs.
    She got pregnant when she was 16, and has had 3 children, one of which she put up for adoption. She's never been a real Mom. Everyone else has raised her kids, including us.
    Up until the last 6 months, I was an enabeler.
    It feels really good to no longer be that person, but it came with a price.
    Worrying all the time where your child is, who may be doing what to her, or what she is doing to herself to survive each day was my private hell.
    I had to seek proffessional help and get on medication. I am so glad I did!
    She recently went to a rehab facility, (along with her boyfriend). I went to see her after her first two weeks, and it was wonderful to see the sober, intelligent, girl/woman in those beautiful copper colored eyes. I hadnt seen her in so many years, it was like re-birth!
    Then a week later she and her boy toy left rehab. They've got an apartment and supposedly jobs, but when she came here to tell us this, her eyes were once again glassy looking.
    I told her she will have to earn our trust. I'm not holding my breath.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Glad you found out. Sorry you had to. Yep. Very typical story...our difficult children who won't grow up/get sober/whatever and we, the parents, trying to forge ahead with life anyway. No point in worrying about your daughter non-stop because it won't change anything. If she quits, you'll know. Boy toy will be gone because drug users don't like to hang around sober people and sober people start to see drug users in a new and unflattering light. I have a daughter who did quit. She is living a fruitful life today. The biggest clue I had, because she didn't tell us (figuring we wouldn't believe her and not even being sure she could do it) was that she cut off contact with any drug users. She was living in another state with family there and did not, as she usually did, hook up with new drug users in that area.

    Usually when our kids come around, until they are completely healed, they want something. Don't be surprised if Daughter is working up to hitting you up for money, which is the #1 thing they want. When they are drug abusers, it is often money for drugs, but they instead tell us "I just need to get ahead this month, I need rent money, I need a car (like they should be on the road), I need....." If you are not going to enable her, I suggest not giving her any money. If you want to help out, buy her what she says sh e needs or pay to the appropriate person. Just an experienced suggestion.

    Therapy helps most of us through this. Sounds like you're heading in the right direction. Now it's time to start living your own life and moving on. Hopefully, her kids are safe. They suffer the consequences of drugged up parents. It's sad.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. We all are with you and you can do this.
  3. 10yrsL8tr

    10yrsL8tr New Member

    Yep your right. Between kicking her to the curb 6 months ago, my therapy, and not being an enabler anymore, I am much happier.
    I couldnt do it alone. I have an awsome husband. And now all of you.
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