I just hit that point where I either melt down or reach out for support, so here I am. I probably have a very common story to others, mental health issues in my family history that passed on to myself and children. I've done therapy to address my issues and have put my children in therapy to deal with theirs. I have 4 children, two of which have a variety of issues (Borderline, Aspergers, and Bipolar being the diagnosis both share). The older of the two, a male, is now 19 and living in an adult group home (that deals with mental health clients) because he can no longer be managed in house . He was a hyper, but wonderful child, until about the age of 15 when it seemed overnight a switch flipped in him. I know this happens with bipolars but it provides no comfort when you have to watch your child disappear into a fog. He is not the child I once knew. He is a compulsive liar and conversations are an effort for me. He began therapy at 15, when the symptoms first appeared and we ran the gamut of therapies and medications trying to help him to little avail until I moved him into a group home as an adult to ensure some type of care would continue for him past the age of majority. He is in his 3rd adult transitional living situation (ejected from the prior two for stealing and violence). Child two, a female, will be 18 this year, and is currently in the hospital after an outburst last night involving calling the police on her for her own safety. She takes and projects problems, qualities, and moods from others as her own. While not as difficult to manage as her brother, it is still impossible to trust her. She lies to deflect responsibility for her own behaviors. I feel like I'm hitting replay. As much as we try to keep our home a sanctuary they have my husband & I, often, feeling like our home is a battlefield. While we're hanging in there, without a doubt there has been a cost to our relationship. The fallout is PTSD (for both me and my husband) and the inability to feel long periods of peace in our home. We've read the books, done the therapy, improved ourselves, and anything/everything else one could offer. We're so wiped out by her lies and manipulation (which came on the heels of my other child) that I'm in therapy, the family is in therapy, and she's in therapy. Honestly, as much as I need that support, I'm therapied out, and as much as I know not to take their comments and behaviors personal, I do. No matter how many good memories we make with them, it seems it is never enough for them. They are bottomless pits of need and attention. I feel guilty for feeling this way. This is not the dream I dreamed for them. Or myself. I know it could be worse. I get that. When you have friends battling cancer or friends who have lost a child, complaining about these things seems trivial. I know they'd love to have my problems, but it doesn't make any of this easier. It doesn't make all of this cost free. It's overwhelming and many days I want to run way, ya know? I'm just one exhausted momma looking for a soft spot to land and find some camaraderie. Anyway, thanks for providing a spot where I could vent all of that out of me.