Hi all
I've read some of your posts and many of you are describing my difficult child. Holy cow. It's nice to know I'm not alone out here, but also depressing as it doesn't seem there are any "cures".
My SO travels up to 30 days at a time, home no more than 7 days at a time so I'm essentially a single parent most of the time. difficult child is unbelievable. At 3 he told me he wished I was dead, at 5 he threatened to kill me with a knife and at 7 he attempted a choke hold on me. We've been in therapy off and on since he was 4.
difficult child used to rage. At times I'd sit in daughters room, back to her door holding her and the baby as difficult child screamed with uncontrollable rage, banging and kicking on the door to the point it would physically move me. That passed before we got him on medications, thank goodness, but that was a good couple years of that.
1st therapist simply didn't believe "such a sweet angelic child" could do that. 2nd therapist got to see a video of him in a complete rage.
Had him in a montessori school where it was a mutual understanding that he wasn't a Montessori kid. I put him there because he HATES taking orders from adults (even at 4) so I figured he could lead himself to things that interest him. He ended up cutting a teachers shirt with scissors, holding a knife to another teacher (granted a butter knife but a knife is a knife at 4) and killing the catepillars waiting to be butterflies because he shook the cage.
An evaluation by ChildFind at 4 1/2 said he was learning despite himself (his words) and no ADD/HD.
Off to kindy in a traditional school where academically he did well, but socially didn't do so well. He was a bully and was bullied. He stole, he lied (oh wait, he still does). Then this year he got in a charter school after a 3 year wait on a Way To Go list. This school changes classes/teachers every hour so he doesn't have any one teacher more than an hour at a time. WHile I do NOT agree with what he's learning...they don't push him AT ALL so he's getting A's and B's and truly thinking that it's pretty easy to get through school.
He is a liar, disrespectful as ALL can be, lashes out at home for NO REASON. and NOTHING is his fault. He got in trouble at school cuz someone drew a funny picture and MADE him laugh, he did XYZ because ABC MADE him do it. You get the idea. At school he holds it together. He's been diagnosis'd with mood disorder and ADD/HD. We've been in IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) 3x a week for 5 weeks where he was a perfect angel, a model patient. Meanwhile I'm in the next room saying how awful things are at home.
I've been told I have to keep him active and DOING things all the time. Yeah, well, I have THREE kids, 2 of whom like free time, down time and chill out time. He pesters his siblings and me incessantly. He won't leave me alone when I need some alone time. He sucks the life out of me. He is needy and won't try things, has no opinion or any particular likes or dislikes. He has no real desire to work at ANYTHING.
He goes to therapy but then at home says he's not going to use the tools they give him, he doesn't WANT to try and he's not GOING to listen to ANYONE, he can do what he wants.
I've been told to let go of SO many things. The other 2 see that (in their young eyes) there are no consequences for him and his mouth/actions. He has no jobs other than to wash his sheets when he urinates on them (he doesn't WANT to get out of bed, it's warm when he pees on himself and he's too tired to make it to the bathroom and he can't find it etc). Like a recent post, I don't fight anymore, I just do the stuff that he SHOULD be doing because everything is such a freakin fight if he's in a mood.
They are now recommending in home therapy and/or group therapy (as in he leaves the house and lives in a group home). Has anyone tried either one of those?
If you've read this far, thank you. I have literally no where to turn. My other two kids are the opposite end of the spectrum of him and my daughter can only take so much more before I fear she's going to break (and I don't know what that'll look like). I expect SO much more out of her (and she's 5) than I do him. I've been told that emotionally difficult child is lower than my 3 year old. Intellectually he's typical, emotionally...not so much
I've read some of your posts and many of you are describing my difficult child. Holy cow. It's nice to know I'm not alone out here, but also depressing as it doesn't seem there are any "cures".
My SO travels up to 30 days at a time, home no more than 7 days at a time so I'm essentially a single parent most of the time. difficult child is unbelievable. At 3 he told me he wished I was dead, at 5 he threatened to kill me with a knife and at 7 he attempted a choke hold on me. We've been in therapy off and on since he was 4.
difficult child used to rage. At times I'd sit in daughters room, back to her door holding her and the baby as difficult child screamed with uncontrollable rage, banging and kicking on the door to the point it would physically move me. That passed before we got him on medications, thank goodness, but that was a good couple years of that.
1st therapist simply didn't believe "such a sweet angelic child" could do that. 2nd therapist got to see a video of him in a complete rage.
Had him in a montessori school where it was a mutual understanding that he wasn't a Montessori kid. I put him there because he HATES taking orders from adults (even at 4) so I figured he could lead himself to things that interest him. He ended up cutting a teachers shirt with scissors, holding a knife to another teacher (granted a butter knife but a knife is a knife at 4) and killing the catepillars waiting to be butterflies because he shook the cage.
An evaluation by ChildFind at 4 1/2 said he was learning despite himself (his words) and no ADD/HD.
Off to kindy in a traditional school where academically he did well, but socially didn't do so well. He was a bully and was bullied. He stole, he lied (oh wait, he still does). Then this year he got in a charter school after a 3 year wait on a Way To Go list. This school changes classes/teachers every hour so he doesn't have any one teacher more than an hour at a time. WHile I do NOT agree with what he's learning...they don't push him AT ALL so he's getting A's and B's and truly thinking that it's pretty easy to get through school.
He is a liar, disrespectful as ALL can be, lashes out at home for NO REASON. and NOTHING is his fault. He got in trouble at school cuz someone drew a funny picture and MADE him laugh, he did XYZ because ABC MADE him do it. You get the idea. At school he holds it together. He's been diagnosis'd with mood disorder and ADD/HD. We've been in IOP (intensive outpatient therapy) 3x a week for 5 weeks where he was a perfect angel, a model patient. Meanwhile I'm in the next room saying how awful things are at home.
I've been told I have to keep him active and DOING things all the time. Yeah, well, I have THREE kids, 2 of whom like free time, down time and chill out time. He pesters his siblings and me incessantly. He won't leave me alone when I need some alone time. He sucks the life out of me. He is needy and won't try things, has no opinion or any particular likes or dislikes. He has no real desire to work at ANYTHING.
He goes to therapy but then at home says he's not going to use the tools they give him, he doesn't WANT to try and he's not GOING to listen to ANYONE, he can do what he wants.
I've been told to let go of SO many things. The other 2 see that (in their young eyes) there are no consequences for him and his mouth/actions. He has no jobs other than to wash his sheets when he urinates on them (he doesn't WANT to get out of bed, it's warm when he pees on himself and he's too tired to make it to the bathroom and he can't find it etc). Like a recent post, I don't fight anymore, I just do the stuff that he SHOULD be doing because everything is such a freakin fight if he's in a mood.
They are now recommending in home therapy and/or group therapy (as in he leaves the house and lives in a group home). Has anyone tried either one of those?
If you've read this far, thank you. I have literally no where to turn. My other two kids are the opposite end of the spectrum of him and my daughter can only take so much more before I fear she's going to break (and I don't know what that'll look like). I expect SO much more out of her (and she's 5) than I do him. I've been told that emotionally difficult child is lower than my 3 year old. Intellectually he's typical, emotionally...not so much