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Another newbie - I need some help please
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<blockquote data-quote="Nicky" data-source="post: 428202" data-attributes="member: 11951"><p>Thanks for the feedback.</p><p> </p><p>Biomom is at this stage not responding to any requests from us. We do know that she is coming back middle of July, but a three-way conference will probably never happen. If we do try and speak about him, or problems, she gets all defensive, tells us that we don't care and she will take care of it and puts down the phone. Or just responds with, "oh, that's bad". Great help. She will not listen to me at all, because I am the evil stepmom that victimises her kids. Sigh.</p><p> </p><p>We are still trying with the homeschooling, but if he doesn't pass this term, so be it. Maybe then will she admit that this kid needs some serious help. Or it will all be my and husband's fault, because we did not put in enough time and effort, according to her. Whatever.</p><p> </p><p>We all make sure that the smaller kids are never alone with him. Luckily, they are cared for at their schools all day at after-care, so they only come home when we come home from work. And yes, the conflict is getting to them. That is one of the few reasons he can never come stay here permanently. I try to get them out of the house as much as possible, luckily I have a big support-base here.</p><p> </p><p>All medication, money and valuables are locked up. During the day televisions are blocked. easy child's have passwords that only the adults know. Only cellphones for us - the home phone has a code that he doesn't know. The nanny has a cellphone that she keeps on her to get a hold of us if needs be. He has enough work to keep him busy during the day. I hate having to do all this. But if we don't it will be a free for all.</p><p> </p><p>The biggest thing for us is, that even if he returns to his mom in a few weeks time, he is still husband's son. And if it gets any worse (I don't even want to think about that), it will inevitably be our problem because she will just dump him on us. A bit of history - when easy child 1 was 12 he was sent to live with his dad because he sneaked out of the house, was caught stealing and she generally could not handle him. We have had our moments during the past 4 years, but I was never scared of him harming the smaller 2 children or himself or us. About 6 months after he moved here, he was taken off all medication (he was on Ritalin up to then). No problems at all. He is a responsible, popular boy holding down a part-time job, helping us with the kids and doing well at school. I suspect that 90% of the things he was accused of was actually difficult child's doing. And the moment he was not being blamed for everything his brother did wrong, he relaxed and started doing well. </p><p> </p><p>So I'm scared that she is going to try it again. And difficult child is a whole different kettle of fish.</p><p> </p><p>The police incident was about "borrowing" a boogie board while on holiday at the coast that was never brought back - stealing it in other words. The people called in the police, but charges were not laid because husband replaced it with a new one. After that incident difficult child was not allowed to go anywhere in the resort unless we went with him, so he basically sat around being bored the rest of the holiday while the other kids could do what they wanted. We made no impression whatsoever.</p><p> </p><p>So on this wonderful Saturday we have been doing homework while fighting about it since breakfast. I will rather go to work. Not nice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nicky, post: 428202, member: 11951"] Thanks for the feedback. Biomom is at this stage not responding to any requests from us. We do know that she is coming back middle of July, but a three-way conference will probably never happen. If we do try and speak about him, or problems, she gets all defensive, tells us that we don't care and she will take care of it and puts down the phone. Or just responds with, "oh, that's bad". Great help. She will not listen to me at all, because I am the evil stepmom that victimises her kids. Sigh. We are still trying with the homeschooling, but if he doesn't pass this term, so be it. Maybe then will she admit that this kid needs some serious help. Or it will all be my and husband's fault, because we did not put in enough time and effort, according to her. Whatever. We all make sure that the smaller kids are never alone with him. Luckily, they are cared for at their schools all day at after-care, so they only come home when we come home from work. And yes, the conflict is getting to them. That is one of the few reasons he can never come stay here permanently. I try to get them out of the house as much as possible, luckily I have a big support-base here. All medication, money and valuables are locked up. During the day televisions are blocked. easy child's have passwords that only the adults know. Only cellphones for us - the home phone has a code that he doesn't know. The nanny has a cellphone that she keeps on her to get a hold of us if needs be. He has enough work to keep him busy during the day. I hate having to do all this. But if we don't it will be a free for all. The biggest thing for us is, that even if he returns to his mom in a few weeks time, he is still husband's son. And if it gets any worse (I don't even want to think about that), it will inevitably be our problem because she will just dump him on us. A bit of history - when easy child 1 was 12 he was sent to live with his dad because he sneaked out of the house, was caught stealing and she generally could not handle him. We have had our moments during the past 4 years, but I was never scared of him harming the smaller 2 children or himself or us. About 6 months after he moved here, he was taken off all medication (he was on Ritalin up to then). No problems at all. He is a responsible, popular boy holding down a part-time job, helping us with the kids and doing well at school. I suspect that 90% of the things he was accused of was actually difficult child's doing. And the moment he was not being blamed for everything his brother did wrong, he relaxed and started doing well. So I'm scared that she is going to try it again. And difficult child is a whole different kettle of fish. The police incident was about "borrowing" a boogie board while on holiday at the coast that was never brought back - stealing it in other words. The people called in the police, but charges were not laid because husband replaced it with a new one. After that incident difficult child was not allowed to go anywhere in the resort unless we went with him, so he basically sat around being bored the rest of the holiday while the other kids could do what they wanted. We made no impression whatsoever. So on this wonderful Saturday we have been doing homework while fighting about it since breakfast. I will rather go to work. Not nice. [/QUOTE]
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Another newbie - I need some help please
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