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Another newbie - I need some help please
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 428554" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Part of me feels really bad for this kid. I am SURE that he has gotten "your father doesn't want you/love you/ care for you/support you" messages from his mother all his life. then he was able to do all sorts of stuff and have it be blamed on his brother so he did not have a real chance to learn from consequences. Then it sounds like his mom just sort of let him do what he wants with no real consequences for bad behavior. ALL of that is bad for a child.</p><p></p><p>I do not know what is available where you are. I WOULD start looking into options for care for him as you suspect the mother is going to send him to you and refuse to have him back at some point. At the very least I would want a full and complete workup for autism, mental illness, learning disabilities, sensory issues, etc.... Here we would suggest a neuropsychology workup but not sure what it would be called where you are. It is about 6-12 hrs of testing over several sessions and it gives a good picture of what is going on at that time. This is helpful to figure out what is going on and how best to help.</p><p></p><p>You need to have a long, honest talk with your husband about what would happen if this child came to live with you. Would the family be able to handle it/ Would it be needed to find a boarding school or therapeutic foster home for him? It doesn't sound like he has a close bond with his father (how could he with just visits - not anyone's fault, just a fact) and what would be the best thing for everyone? Then you will have something of a game plan for if/when the mother abandons him. at the very very least he needs intense therapy - even now because he has seen his mom dump a child when the chidl was too much trouble and is likely trying to make her dump him so it will be on his terms and he has some type of control over it. I am NOT saying that coming to live with you is impossible or that it is a must. You have to look to see what your options will be so that you can figure out what is the best for everyone. You cannot disregard the other children just because he comes to live with you and in fact living iwth all of you may not be a good thing. If he is hurting the smaller kids I would want him to NOT live with you. Just because he has problems doesn't mean he can live with you and hurt others. on the other hand, if you think you can work past that to a point where he will be safe around everyone then you may want to try.</p><p></p><p>You and your husband need to be brutally honest about this. I sense he really scares you and you must let your husband know this. He must let you know how he feels also, and then you work a plan from there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 428554, member: 1233"] Part of me feels really bad for this kid. I am SURE that he has gotten "your father doesn't want you/love you/ care for you/support you" messages from his mother all his life. then he was able to do all sorts of stuff and have it be blamed on his brother so he did not have a real chance to learn from consequences. Then it sounds like his mom just sort of let him do what he wants with no real consequences for bad behavior. ALL of that is bad for a child. I do not know what is available where you are. I WOULD start looking into options for care for him as you suspect the mother is going to send him to you and refuse to have him back at some point. At the very least I would want a full and complete workup for autism, mental illness, learning disabilities, sensory issues, etc.... Here we would suggest a neuropsychology workup but not sure what it would be called where you are. It is about 6-12 hrs of testing over several sessions and it gives a good picture of what is going on at that time. This is helpful to figure out what is going on and how best to help. You need to have a long, honest talk with your husband about what would happen if this child came to live with you. Would the family be able to handle it/ Would it be needed to find a boarding school or therapeutic foster home for him? It doesn't sound like he has a close bond with his father (how could he with just visits - not anyone's fault, just a fact) and what would be the best thing for everyone? Then you will have something of a game plan for if/when the mother abandons him. at the very very least he needs intense therapy - even now because he has seen his mom dump a child when the chidl was too much trouble and is likely trying to make her dump him so it will be on his terms and he has some type of control over it. I am NOT saying that coming to live with you is impossible or that it is a must. You have to look to see what your options will be so that you can figure out what is the best for everyone. You cannot disregard the other children just because he comes to live with you and in fact living iwth all of you may not be a good thing. If he is hurting the smaller kids I would want him to NOT live with you. Just because he has problems doesn't mean he can live with you and hurt others. on the other hand, if you think you can work past that to a point where he will be safe around everyone then you may want to try. You and your husband need to be brutally honest about this. I sense he really scares you and you must let your husband know this. He must let you know how he feels also, and then you work a plan from there. [/QUOTE]
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Another newbie - I need some help please
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