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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 219328" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>The lying is manipulative (it generally is) but it still sounds simple. Kids lie for a number of reasons, often to get what they shouldn't have or to get out of trouble. Or both. The interesting thing is, we can brand a kid as a liar when in fact we are AWARE of the lying, which means they are not good at it (because they keep getting caught out). It's the liars you DON'T catch who are the bigger worry.</p><p></p><p>However - yes, you need to find a way to break this habit.</p><p></p><p>Part of the difference between older and younger - younger siblings tend to be sneakier, more manipulative because parents tend to be less vigilant when they're watching two instead of one. You tend to relax more with your second child. The second one learns to slip below the radar; the first knows to not even try, you're watching them.</p><p></p><p>Your boys are quite close in age - they could be best buddies as they get older.</p><p></p><p>It sounds to me like younger difficult child is "trying it on" and needs to be watched so you CAN keep catching him out. You need to praise him more when you 'catch' him being good. Try to minimise competition between the boys, your younger one may feel the bar is too high for him and so isn't trying so hard to be good. He needs to know just how much you value him when he IS being good.</p><p></p><p>It mightn't take very much at all, before you see a change. However, you are going to have to REALLY watch yourself, push yourself to keep on watching him to catch his lies but to also be positive with him when it is warranted also.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted in how you get on.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 219328, member: 1991"] The lying is manipulative (it generally is) but it still sounds simple. Kids lie for a number of reasons, often to get what they shouldn't have or to get out of trouble. Or both. The interesting thing is, we can brand a kid as a liar when in fact we are AWARE of the lying, which means they are not good at it (because they keep getting caught out). It's the liars you DON'T catch who are the bigger worry. However - yes, you need to find a way to break this habit. Part of the difference between older and younger - younger siblings tend to be sneakier, more manipulative because parents tend to be less vigilant when they're watching two instead of one. You tend to relax more with your second child. The second one learns to slip below the radar; the first knows to not even try, you're watching them. Your boys are quite close in age - they could be best buddies as they get older. It sounds to me like younger difficult child is "trying it on" and needs to be watched so you CAN keep catching him out. You need to praise him more when you 'catch' him being good. Try to minimise competition between the boys, your younger one may feel the bar is too high for him and so isn't trying so hard to be good. He needs to know just how much you value him when he IS being good. It mightn't take very much at all, before you see a change. However, you are going to have to REALLY watch yourself, push yourself to keep on watching him to catch his lies but to also be positive with him when it is warranted also. Keep us posted in how you get on. Marg [/QUOTE]
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