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Another "newbie"
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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 301423" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Welcome! I do not envy you being a stepmom to this 10yr old difficult child. SHe will for sure test your relationship with your fiance. From personal experience and from reading the site I recommend that you let your fiance parent his daughter and you stay back a bit as an ally/friend when she needs you. Let her decide when she needs you. </p><p></p><p>I will say that having a stepmom that was an ally for my difficult child was very helpful. It was not until stepmom felt the need to change that relationship that my difficult child lost that ally and she no longer is involved in her day to day life. Basically wants nothing to do with her. But, she got involved to the point of trying her own things (despite knowing from conversations with me that it would not work) and now has totally given up on my difficult child. </p><p>I am not saying it would be hard to not be involved in the day to day - but you have to let Fiance do all the parenting of her. You can speak to him privately with suggestions and new ideas, but let him do it. It will be invaluable to your stepdaughter to have you to go to. </p><p>You must support your fiance in his ways. But, you can certainly explain them better for stepdaughter when she doesn't understand him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 301423, member: 391"] Welcome! I do not envy you being a stepmom to this 10yr old difficult child. SHe will for sure test your relationship with your fiance. From personal experience and from reading the site I recommend that you let your fiance parent his daughter and you stay back a bit as an ally/friend when she needs you. Let her decide when she needs you. I will say that having a stepmom that was an ally for my difficult child was very helpful. It was not until stepmom felt the need to change that relationship that my difficult child lost that ally and she no longer is involved in her day to day life. Basically wants nothing to do with her. But, she got involved to the point of trying her own things (despite knowing from conversations with me that it would not work) and now has totally given up on my difficult child. I am not saying it would be hard to not be involved in the day to day - but you have to let Fiance do all the parenting of her. You can speak to him privately with suggestions and new ideas, but let him do it. It will be invaluable to your stepdaughter to have you to go to. You must support your fiance in his ways. But, you can certainly explain them better for stepdaughter when she doesn't understand him. [/QUOTE]
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