another place to play lost

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by earthprowler, Apr 3, 2009.

  1. earthprowler

    earthprowler New Member

    was getting dinner ready tonight when the phone rang. didn't run to it, let the machine get it. i called back after i got me and difficult child dinner and sat down. it was the lady down the street who difficult child has played with her 4 & 6 year old kids for a couple of years now. all week he's been absolutely great, no arguments, no cussing, no meltdowns, no flip flops of attitudes from one minute to the next. it's been heaven. but yesterday i noticed he was kind of hyper and running around, screaming out what ever came out of his mouth, me reminding him of language, picking at the dogs busting a bottle and lying about it in the drive way. then i find out that when he went down to play, her mother in law was there at one point and heard him telling her kids "oh i sleep naked (he does not) just me and my w** w** and talking about his p****..:sick:. i tried to explain that he's been seeing someone for 21/2 years he's ADHD, bipolar, ODD...........uggghhh........people with children that don't have problems think you're talking some kind of foreign language and don't understand even if you go into detail. well now he's not allowed to go down there anymore because she has to take precautions on what her kids hear and they can't hear that kind of thing so he's not allowed down there anymore. the biggest thing is that the neighborhood is so tight that i know she's going to go tell other paents not that they don't all know. i understand he shouldn't say these things and i don't know why he does, but he's lost so many friends and has maybe one place in the neighborhood left. :sad-very::sad-very: i just wish i knew what to do and how to get people to understand. thanks for listening.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    No advice. Just hugs for you. I think the lack of social skills is the biggest heart breaker for a Mom. Sorry. DDD
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    My difficult child 2 has alienated many people over the years because of his impulsive behavior (and mouth). It's really hard to see them lose friendship opportunities over things like that, especially when you know it's somewhat out of their control. I'm sorry the mom was so black & white about it. Hope the other neighbors don't follow her blindly and decide to keep their kids from him as well :( You can always resort to play dates with kids from school or some other venue (church/temple? scouts? 4-H?) who don't necessarily have the same attitudes towards him.

  4. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I've said this before and I'll say it again with or without my rhino skin on.

    The kids that my son alienated as "friends" ended up not really being friends at all. Neither did their parents for me.

    After a point? You really start to appreciate your sons ability to cut the real friends and parents from the herd. ;) - Seriously - if she has to stop the play dates because of a wee wee and a penis? OMG - come on. How uptight is that. Couldn't she have said "We don't use language like that in our home - it's inappropriate and not good maners -so you'll have to go home now; but we still like you and you can come back and play another time."


    These are the kinds of people that I wouldn't want to get to know ANY=WAY!

    Eventually you'll learn to love this about your kid.......not feel so excommunicated from "nice people" and figure out at some point that their narrow views and bigotry aren't characteristics I would want rubbing off on MY kid.

    Last edited: Apr 3, 2009
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    While I understand your frustration, I also understand the other parent's perspective. Your difficult child is 9---her children are 6 and 4---I would be uncomfortable with someone who is 3 years older talking like that in front of my child...even though he was probably manic and did not mean would still frighten someone who didn't understand.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Gee, I wonder how she GOT those kids if she is THAT uptight??

    (Sorry, off to my corner.

    I realize that kids DO need to be protected. But I can't see that difficult child is the only person to use oui oui and p****. Goodness, what words do HER kids use to refer to their body parts????

    While it isn't an appropriate topic of conversation, kids are curious and they DO talk about it. I have even heard very easy child 4yos bring this type of thing up on their own.

    It is sad that things have to get to this point, where a child cannot be redirected or calmly sent home for a day with-o being banished for life (so to speak).

    I do wonder if maybe other things have happened and this was the last straw - that she hasn't told you about things because she is just very uncomfortable. I was always stunned at the things parents were uncomfortable telling me about if my child acted out. They were often more comfortable using something trivial as a reason to keep Wiz away from their kids rather than to tell me about something else that had happened or rather than just telling him that something wasn't OK to do in their home.

    I can still remember one parent refusing to let Wiz play with-her child because he read Harry Potter. She used an excuse of Wiz "poking fun" at her child by laughing when her child passed gas, but later I overheard her telling another parent that Wiz was under "demonic influences" because we let him read Harry Potter. She didn't know I was at the same function when she was speaking to a mutual friend.

    And this was a woman who let her child watch R rated movies with her for "family time"!

    This is very sad, but now you truly know you cannot trust her, or her judgement.

    Sending gentle hugs to you and difficult child. I hope you can get some playdates set up or find a group he can interact with. I did find that many homeschooling groups were more tolerant than other groups. They might not like what we did or allowed, but they were still more accepting. You can even join a group and tell them you are researching to see if homeschooling is right for you. I joined several groups before we decided to homeschool to learn more about it.