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Another police visit
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 298756"><p>I'm so very sorry...this has got to be nightmarish.</p><p> </p><p>Ya know, it is fairly typical for kids to be somewhat conflicted, act out a little, get into little spats with parents, etc. right before leaving for college. </p><p>It helps them to individuate (or some such thing).</p><p> </p><p>difficult children aren't known for doing things "little." </p><p> </p><p>If basic psychological understanding is that one wants to avoid pain and achieve pleasure...what is going on here?</p><p> </p><p>Hmmm...Going to college might be causing her anxiety. Perhaps she is afraid to leave her boyfriend or is afraid she isn't cut out to be a college student. Perhaps she is worried that going to college will make her unhappy or even less happy than she is currently. Perhaps she has abanonment type concerns. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>If college fears are in her mind "catastrophic," and causing her extreme anxiety, fear or anger, she will feel an inability to cope...and the next thing will be an effort to find a solution or salve for these uncomfortable feelings. A difficult child solution.</p><p> </p><p>The "real" truth is that anxiety is a part of life and that we learn as we mature ways to push through difficult moments in time. We don't need to be happy and secure each and every moment. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know how in the world you might help her understand this. I don't know if you can think of something healthy that brings calm to her soul...but now might be a good time to try. I am concerned that she might escalate this to an irreversible place in the coming days. Don't panic over this...just be prepared as best as you are able. </p><p> </p><p>How you and husband have survived this turmoil for so long is amazing. You need a reprieve. That is an understatement. Enough is enough. </p><p> </p><p>Please make sure she knows about the psychological services on her campus, in case she needs to make use of them. </p><p> </p><p>If she falters at school and needs to work, so be it. At least she will be in a college community and college courses would be readily available for her to take at any time.</p><p> </p><p>In the mean time, you and husband will be able to get some peace with-i your home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 298756"] I'm so very sorry...this has got to be nightmarish. Ya know, it is fairly typical for kids to be somewhat conflicted, act out a little, get into little spats with parents, etc. right before leaving for college. It helps them to individuate (or some such thing). difficult children aren't known for doing things "little." If basic psychological understanding is that one wants to avoid pain and achieve pleasure...what is going on here? Hmmm...Going to college might be causing her anxiety. Perhaps she is afraid to leave her boyfriend or is afraid she isn't cut out to be a college student. Perhaps she is worried that going to college will make her unhappy or even less happy than she is currently. Perhaps she has abanonment type concerns. If college fears are in her mind "catastrophic," and causing her extreme anxiety, fear or anger, she will feel an inability to cope...and the next thing will be an effort to find a solution or salve for these uncomfortable feelings. A difficult child solution. The "real" truth is that anxiety is a part of life and that we learn as we mature ways to push through difficult moments in time. We don't need to be happy and secure each and every moment. I don't know how in the world you might help her understand this. I don't know if you can think of something healthy that brings calm to her soul...but now might be a good time to try. I am concerned that she might escalate this to an irreversible place in the coming days. Don't panic over this...just be prepared as best as you are able. How you and husband have survived this turmoil for so long is amazing. You need a reprieve. That is an understatement. Enough is enough. Please make sure she knows about the psychological services on her campus, in case she needs to make use of them. If she falters at school and needs to work, so be it. At least she will be in a college community and college courses would be readily available for her to take at any time. In the mean time, you and husband will be able to get some peace with-i your home. [/QUOTE]
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