Another run-in with the teacher

[Shari]

In my previous post about difficult child's school situation, I had left off where I'd written a letter to the director about the teacher that difficult child has trouble with, and her daughter, who is a helper there.
***
I spoke with the director and she had talked with both the teacher and the daughter. While difficult child was still being put in time-out, it seems to have been fair, and he doesn't come home every night angry about missing entire playtimes, etc, because he was set in time-out.
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I'm ok with that.
***
Today, however, I picked him up early to go to BT. He was on the playground, playing, but he was ANGRY. I asked why. He said he'd been in timeout only one time, but it was for something really bad - he called that teacher an a-hole. I asked him to tell me about it. He did.
***
Seems it started in pottery class. He missed a day of school, and missed his turn on the pottery wheel. He will get to make it up, but he was angry that he hadn't got a turn, so he threw a fit and shoved some chairs around. He got put in timeout, then, outside with the other teacher (the one he doesn't get along with). He wanted to apologize to the pottery teacher, but wasn't allowed to leave time out to do it, so he cried. The teacher he has trouble with then got up beside him and told him "boo hoo, waa- waa" repeatedly, until he got angry and called her an a-hole.
***
All the way to BT, he talked about killing this teacher, tho he doesn't recognize the significance of her mocking him - he just knows he's very angry at her.
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He was absolutley manic at BT. I asked his BT to talk to him about the incident, and get her feel on if he's cutting it straight. She not only feels he's telling the truth, she's worried about the rage its triggering in him - he doesn't usually hang onto things like this. He threw things at her, at me, kicked me, etc, during BT - behaviors she has only seen rarely since 18 months ago or longer...
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I was alst met on the playground by children telling me how bad his behavior was today and yesterday, and all the bad things he did.
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I'm angry. I understand the frustration this child creates as well or better than anyone, but this is NOT the way to handle him. I will be meeting the director again tomorrow, if I don't call her tonight. I'm not irate, I'm frighteningly calm...

 

[Calgon_Take_Me_Away]

I'd be irrate I'm irrate for you! To make fun of a child by a teacher is considered verbal child abuse (emotional abuse). They hang parents for that **** and a teacher is doing it?

I sure hope you're able to get it settled real quick!

 

[crazymama30]

Shari, I am sorry you have to deal with this. I get angry at that a hole of a teacher when I read your post. While difficult child was wrong to say that, I agree with him. It is also very frustrating to have the other kids tell you all about how awful difficult child was, I always hated that. I just never knew what to say.

Hugs, and stay calm and icy. It gets more done.

 

[Jena]

Hey,

I'm so sorry to hear that happened. it's total bs!!! Regardless of him being frustrating or not it does not allow any employee to speak to him in that way, nor lose their cool. Their supposed to be trained professionals and she triggers him??

Hate to say it but she is an a**hole!!

Oh, I'd def. be calling as well, writing, documenting no longer wanting her in charge ofh im at all in anyway whatsoever. Call his doctor as well maybe and discuss this with him and have him state in letter how very triggering that type of behavior is towards your child with his particular needs and doctor suggests removing this teacher.

Oh wow i'd be steaming too. Try to breath and just best you can to nail them tmrw. or tonight.

good luck

hope he's feeling better now

 

[Jena]

I hope she gets suspended from her position. Id' demand that I think

 

[4sumrzn]

Wow. She was for sure in the wrong. Not saying difficult child was right by saying what he did, but she should have never crossed the line that way! You have every right to be angry.

 

[ML]

What an abuse of power. I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and difficult child xo ML

 

[Andy]

I am so sorry! What an awful teacher. How dare she ridicule any child?

You go give it to her with everything you have. I would find out how and who to file an official complaint that is to go on her record.

Can the BT file a report with the school as to how this teacher is harming your child?

 

[TerryJ2]

How unprofessional. That's the way a 7-yr-old sister responds to a 6-yr-old brother, not the way a trained educator responds to a 7-yr-old.

Let us know what happens at the mtng.
Best of luck.

 

[totoro]

Oh, I would have to take lots of deep breaths there.
Do not give in here, I would be all over this teacher.
Even if difficult child exaggerated at all, something happened. I know K gets worked up and I have to get the whole story out of her, but she does not lie.
I am sorry they did this to him.

 

[trinityroyal]

Shari, I am sitting here LIVID.
How dare that teacher show such disrespect and unprofessionalism.
in my opinion, your difficult child was calling them as he sees them, and I tend to see them the same way...that teacher IS an a-hole. difficult child was wrong to say so, but the teacher handled EVERYTHING inappropriately.

She sounds like a classic bully. If she has been reprimanded by the Director and told to handle difficult child differently, I wouldn't be surprised if she's doing small, petty malicious things to him, to "get him back" for getting her into trouble.

I agree with whoever suggested that you get a report from the BT as to the effect that this is having on your difficult child. He's made such tremendous progress in the last 18 months, it would be criminal for this woman's actions to make him regress.

Polishing up your Warrior Mom armour for you...Take No Prisoners!

Trinity

 

[Marguerite]

Your child should not have called the teacher a bad name.

HOWEVER - in my book, when dealing with a difficult child who needs more SUPPORT than stumbling blocks, ANYBODY who deliberately provokes a difficult child to the point where the child retaliates (ie fairly normal response, aggravated by already diagnosed poor impulse control plus other issues) then ALL BETS ARE OFF.

If your difficult child waited until the next day to walk up to the teacher to call her a bad word, then it deserves punishment. THAT is not the result of provocation plus impulse control issues.

But the teacher in this case was abusing her position of power absolutely shamefully, to the point where it crosses over into bullying and child abuse. She is apparently also badmouthing difficult child to the other kids, which will be triggering more abuse from other students, not only triggering it but endorsing it. This is abuse not only of difficult child, but of the other kids because it is deliberately teaching them to do the very things they should not.

Time to put on your steel-capped boots and kick arse (OK, prod buttock). At least in writing, making reference to previous complaints, meetings, letters, incidents. This is ongoing abuse and could well be contributing to ongoing behaviour problems.

We do the best we can as parents to support the school and to help raise our difficult children to learn to be model citizens - to be thus undermined by teachers instead of supported, when we are doing OUR bit - she should be shown the door. This woman has real big problems and they shouldn't be allowed to be vented on vulnerable children.

Oooh, it makes me so mad!

Marg

 

[Jena]

So,

How did it go with the school?? I read your other post and saw you had another issue at the school. I'm sorry.

 

[gcvmom]

What Marg said.

HUGS! HUGS! HUGS!

(What's yer shoe size? You can borrow my boots if you want!)