another school meeting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 'Chelle, Mar 19, 2008.

  1. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Call today from VP at difficult child's school, his english teacher (Shakespeare this semester, different teacher from last) has brought him down and teacher is frustrated as difficult child just won't do the work. Deja vue, this is exactly same call from last semester. They want to meet before Easter break (today or tomorrow), so I'm off to another meeting at noon tomorrow (Thursday). And I'm going in there with a totally bad attitude, because honestly I'm finding it very hard to give a darn. Still have the crappy feeling in the stomach from having to meet about difficult child again, but I can't get past asking myself what they heck do they expect me to do about it. I can't make him care, like school, do the work, ask for help or any of those type things any more than they can. Over the last 7 years I'm sure I've tried them all. I just don't know what to do any more than just allow the natural consequences happen of his failing and having to retake the class, and maybe retake it again, until he passes or turns 18, whichever comes first.

    I didn't get angry with him other than ask him why he didn't ask for help when he started to get lost, and I suppose my tone was frustrated, tho not raised voice or anything. He did so well after agreeing to ask for help last semester after that english meeting that I thought he might have got that figured out. He was crying a bit when he got in the car when I picked him up after school so I know difficult child is upset and a bit angry, I don't know which aspect whether at himself or VP or just school in general, since we came in the house and he went to his room and pretty much went to bed. He refused supper and got up once for a drink and I haven't seen anything else from him. Avoidance of talking to me about it, that's what I think. I got notice from the school he skipped last class, and as far as I know he sat on the steps at school for that class. He hasn't explained that either, but I know it would still be carry over from being taken down to the VP, and I don't know what was said to him then.

    I don't know, I think this is just a whine because I'm just so tired of having meetings at school. I should feel lucky, only 2 so far this year. That's a record since preschool. :faint: Anybody got some cheese to go with my whine?
     
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'll pass you some brie!

    Given the fact that he's a teen and has been in school for almost 6 months, I would have to agree that you should feel lucky this is only the second meeting!
    You can't really blame the school for contacting you regarding his "lack of motivation". The teacher may be looking to you for what has worked with him in the past. Look at it this way - she could not really give a darn and just let him fail without contact with you at all.

    At the meeting, I think it's ok for you to express your frustration to a point. I wonder, since this is a Shakespeare class, if he is having trouble understanding the readings. I'm a real Shakespeare fan, but the reading can be difficult to understand. Perhaps he needs some help with the language and they could buddy him with a classmate. Just a thought.

    Enjoy your brie!!

    Sharon
     
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sorry you have to go through this. Hopefully if you explain anything that worked in the past they may be able to work with that and get him motivated.

    It may come down to letting school issues stay at school. SOmetimes it is just too much stress for hte family to keep on a child to do homework, and to try to influence behavior that you are not directly around to help manage. Many of us have had to do this.

    I do wonder what is going on at school. Is he being teased, slighted, ignored, picked on, etc.???? Maybe you need to ask him what happened?

    Susie
     
  4. babybear

    babybear New Member

    I have read from adults on the spectrum how hard it is for them to learn things that hold no interest. Although I think it's true for all of us, it is just one of those things that gets magnified with the disorder.

    Also, Shakespeare is not a life skill! English is. So see if he can take English classes that he finds interesting.
     
  5. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Thanks for the replies. I do generally leave school to deal with school problems, and I do appreciate when they let me know there are problems. Just to the point where I feel we've exhausted everything to be talked about in meetings, and I just don't have anything more to add, so what's the point. It's just my frustration too I guess. I know difficult child has tried more this year than all grade school, so I better pluck up and try too.

    He's very upset and angry about this one, and will not tell me what's been said before hand. When I tried talk to him this morning he just said please just leave me alone. (He's NOT a morning person at the best of times LOL) So I don't know if VP or teacher said something to make bring this on or if it's just him, so going in there with no prior knowledge of situation. Oh joy. LOL
     
  6. CAT

    CAT New Member

    My state has public alternative schools that have smaller classrooms and let the kids learn more by doing than sitting. They have no homework & if they begin to fall behind they have Sat school, they also offer rewards for finishing on time like parties. My difficult child was flunking but since they dont believe in hold back they just kept passing him. Since we switched hes gottan A, B & C the school wont allow any less than a C.
     
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Chelle, wondering how your meeting went. Hope you can figure out (or they can!) some way to motivate him.
     
  8. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Hi Susie. Well the meeting was a little more than she mentioned on the phone. The english teacher was just the one who got frustrated with him and took him down to the VP's office. When my difficult child gets overwhelmed, he just shuts down. Sits there with head hanging and does nothing, no work, and if asked a question by teacher he just shrugs, and mumbles I don't know. He's been doing this in drafting, english, a few times in math, so it's become more than I thought. When in the VP's office, he actually started crying and doing some self-harming, self-deprecating behaviors that he hasn't done since grade 6 ie clawing at his arms and calling himself useless and stupid. So we met without him to discuss this. They are wondering if he is despressed at all. I don't think it's depression per se, more his school anxieties coming to the forefront again as he's becoming overwhelmed with everything. Perhaps we have to revisit the medications again, until he's out of school. When he's like this there's no getting through to him really. They also raised the thought that he's upset at a situation happening with one of his best friends - he has 2. The one is in several of his classes with him, and they've been pretty much inseperable, however the friend has become "friendly" with a girl. Now sits beside her in a couple classes instead of difficult child. This may be bothering him as he doesn't verbalize or handle these situations well, and may fear losing one of his good friends and not knowing how to make other friends of his own. We decided to just leave difficult child out of the meeting today, as he was still "in a mood" and wouldn't have been too receptive to things. I will talk with him over the break and perhaps make an appointment with his psychiatrist, see if I can get him open up about things, which he will if I catch him in the right mood when we're alone at night. Then we'll all meet again with teachers after the break and see if we can work things out so he can catch up some of the missed work and finish up the year and pass and not have to repeat anything.

    It breaks my heart when he gets like this, calling himself stupid and saying he can't do it, can't do anything. Nothing I say ever convinces him otherwise, in fact it seems to make him angrier. Hard to see my big 14 year old crying and hating on himself this way, and hard to know what to say to make it better.
     
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