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another simple possession
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 240331" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Yep, detaching sounds really great in theory - but actually practicing it day by day is far more challenging.</p><p></p><p>I would suggest that you limit his calls to 1 every other day - and you set up boundaries for those calls. Tell him exactly what you will and will not talk about. Make a short list. I will not talk about anything you might 'need', because I will not give it; I will not talk about how horrible you feel; I will only talk about problems that you already have a solution for, etc. Once on the phone, and you get that feeling in your gut that he is steering the conversation down a co-dependent path - let him know that you cannot talk to him except about A, B, & C. Make it as black and white for yourself, as you do for him - even if you have to get off the phone and cry - don't show your confused or vulnerable side to him. </p><p></p><p>In all of your free time between phone calls, you have to consume it with healthy things that are just for you, so that you can become balanced and hold your healthy perspective on life. It is time for you to not let this kid orchestrate your mood every minute of every day - and yes, I know it is hard, because I am living it as well. It is unbelievably hard - but yet it is the biggest gift you could every give your son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 240331, member: 3301"] Yep, detaching sounds really great in theory - but actually practicing it day by day is far more challenging. I would suggest that you limit his calls to 1 every other day - and you set up boundaries for those calls. Tell him exactly what you will and will not talk about. Make a short list. I will not talk about anything you might 'need', because I will not give it; I will not talk about how horrible you feel; I will only talk about problems that you already have a solution for, etc. Once on the phone, and you get that feeling in your gut that he is steering the conversation down a co-dependent path - let him know that you cannot talk to him except about A, B, & C. Make it as black and white for yourself, as you do for him - even if you have to get off the phone and cry - don't show your confused or vulnerable side to him. In all of your free time between phone calls, you have to consume it with healthy things that are just for you, so that you can become balanced and hold your healthy perspective on life. It is time for you to not let this kid orchestrate your mood every minute of every day - and yes, I know it is hard, because I am living it as well. It is unbelievably hard - but yet it is the biggest gift you could every give your son. [/QUOTE]
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