Yesterday must have had a new planetary configuration in the skies .........that new behavior we work so hard on took root somewhere inside me and I got to experience that change in some random events that took place.
SO and I took a stand with granddaughter when she was upset because we wouldn't do something in her time and for her convenience. Generally we are pretty accommodating with her, but with our new guidelines of holding a strong stance which she is not used to, being a teen, she had to push the boundaries. It got heated and that's where I usually falter, but I held my ground (shaky as it was) and then SO and I retreated to go for a walk.
As we were walking and discussing what had just occurred and feeling pretty good about it all (still a tad shaky though) who do we run into? My daughter! She is on the side of the road, parked in front of one of her friends houses, pulling glass out of the back of her car which has a huge broken rear window. We stop to chat. She said someone threw a rock last night and broke the window. I suggest something and she said, "I don't even have any money to do that Mom." I ask about insurance, she says "I have $250 deductible." We stood around for a minute or so and since we were on a fast paced walk, we said goodbye and good luck and moved on.
We got home and I was preparing dinner and realized I had an absence of any feelings at all about my daughter. The usual angst, sorrow, annoyance, feeling a need to DO SOMETHING........was missing. I had a feeling of compassion for her, as one would for an acquaintance who had encountered some bad luck. That was it. I waited and when I went to bed I thought, 'this is where the negative feelings will erupt, just as I am trying to go to sleep.' But they didn't.
Granddaughter was making every attempt this morning to move beyond yesterdays encounter........with each issue that arises that we hold that firm ground on, she changes, she grows, she sees what we are talking about............we have to 'gird our loins' but as we hold strong, it really does change.
I am kind of blown away about my reaction to my daughter. She is really in exactly the same spot as she's been in for a decade now...........stuck. But, I am not. I have worked and worked to shift my responses, to heal my own stuff, to let go, to detach, to do all of it, everything we talk about all the time here.............and yesterday I had a real live encounter, face to face, and I remained centered, calm and okay.............for me, this is a milestone, on not only the front with my granddaughter but my daughter as well.
As we talk about here, detachment/acceptance does in fact work. The difference between me now and me 2 years ago is profound. The difference between my daughter now and my daughter two years ago..............well..............there is no difference. I am feeling a lot of gratitude right now as I write this, for this board, for all the help I received, for the ability we humans have to enact changes in our lives.........(and I am smiling too!)
SO and I took a stand with granddaughter when she was upset because we wouldn't do something in her time and for her convenience. Generally we are pretty accommodating with her, but with our new guidelines of holding a strong stance which she is not used to, being a teen, she had to push the boundaries. It got heated and that's where I usually falter, but I held my ground (shaky as it was) and then SO and I retreated to go for a walk.
As we were walking and discussing what had just occurred and feeling pretty good about it all (still a tad shaky though) who do we run into? My daughter! She is on the side of the road, parked in front of one of her friends houses, pulling glass out of the back of her car which has a huge broken rear window. We stop to chat. She said someone threw a rock last night and broke the window. I suggest something and she said, "I don't even have any money to do that Mom." I ask about insurance, she says "I have $250 deductible." We stood around for a minute or so and since we were on a fast paced walk, we said goodbye and good luck and moved on.
We got home and I was preparing dinner and realized I had an absence of any feelings at all about my daughter. The usual angst, sorrow, annoyance, feeling a need to DO SOMETHING........was missing. I had a feeling of compassion for her, as one would for an acquaintance who had encountered some bad luck. That was it. I waited and when I went to bed I thought, 'this is where the negative feelings will erupt, just as I am trying to go to sleep.' But they didn't.
Granddaughter was making every attempt this morning to move beyond yesterdays encounter........with each issue that arises that we hold that firm ground on, she changes, she grows, she sees what we are talking about............we have to 'gird our loins' but as we hold strong, it really does change.
I am kind of blown away about my reaction to my daughter. She is really in exactly the same spot as she's been in for a decade now...........stuck. But, I am not. I have worked and worked to shift my responses, to heal my own stuff, to let go, to detach, to do all of it, everything we talk about all the time here.............and yesterday I had a real live encounter, face to face, and I remained centered, calm and okay.............for me, this is a milestone, on not only the front with my granddaughter but my daughter as well.
As we talk about here, detachment/acceptance does in fact work. The difference between me now and me 2 years ago is profound. The difference between my daughter now and my daughter two years ago..............well..............there is no difference. I am feeling a lot of gratitude right now as I write this, for this board, for all the help I received, for the ability we humans have to enact changes in our lives.........(and I am smiling too!)