Another stupid incident

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kolleen, Aug 11, 2008.

  1. Kolleen

    Kolleen Guest

    Was just reading the Info re "I think I understand it now" post by Standswithcourage and Star's story about the proper safety equipment. It reminds me about sonnyboy's counselor. At the end of the 15 mo program the counselor (I know I've said this before) said of all the kid's he's worked he's never seen anyone need to learn things in the very hard way....

    So this weekend I was cleaning out his pit. I have asked him to move his TV back to another corner so we don't play battle of the TV volume if we are both home. So I cleared out the corner I want him to put it in. Rearranged few things so he could do it. [because I know he won't] hoped giving him a head start would encourage him.........

    Actually should just stop posting this and say Another stupid incident this weekend. I did get drawn into an agrument. I usually don't. Thought maybe I could threaten him into doing it................. duh!!! Silly me! I had a mental lapse!! Or is it mental laps - running around in the same irrational circles... But now I seem to be having stomach issues waiting for Sept. 30 his 'launch' and the lock change date. Am trying to refocus my mental energies, am still walking every day, reading Alanon stuff, going to the weekly meeting..................

    I have one of those red hard hats that can hold 2 beer cans, will get that out, put my carpell tunnel night splints inside the hard hat, too bad I don't have some shin splints from when the kids were small , maybe I should put a broken heart inside too. . . . . get my gear together.

    Thought maybe all of you could come over Sept 30 and we'll change the door lock together, I'll watch while sipping the 2 beers from the hat. As much as everyone says to do this and as much as i know I need to ...... it is amazing what anticipating this is dredging up inside me. Things like first son was stillborn - lost that child. Kicking sonnyboy out like losing another. Not real close with easy child son....... another one gone.... and of course divorcing ex............. everyone gone ................! More loss. Working thru this seems to be affecting my stomach.

    Are we having fun yet??????
  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Oh Kolleen, I will be there on Sept 30th. I am not sure if you should have those beers though? Find another way to calm down. The 30th of Sept is way too far away to have this much stress - Concentrate on your plan, draw strength from that. Go over it over and over again!

    You need a hobby - something for yourself that you can draw peace from. Joining a community orgainzation will find friends and a way to put your talents to use. You need to find out and use what is special inside you. You may be feeling alone, but you can search out friendships.

    I have come to the conclusion that everytime easy child has a nasty mouth, I will be hanging up or walking away. She called me yesterday and I asked her what she was doing, "Oh, smoking pot" so I hung up. She called back, "Why did you hang up?" "Because I am not taking **** from you any more." I also told her that since her life is none of my business than she can move out. She is such a spoiled diva - trying to find out how to get a college degree without touching foot on campus.

    Go to the watercooler and look for the thread on Mellow gathering - relaxation only (08-05-08 was last post). It was just a few weekends ago - lots of ideas there that will help you relax.
  3. Kolleen

    Kolleen Guest

    I agree with you, need more to fill my time. Yup do keep busy with friends, etc. Just worried I guess. Am building my backbone up though......... Used to meditate during times of stress, may have to go back to that! Or get back on one of the medications I've gone off. Tried to call doctor line but was busy - you know how Mondays are!
    Thanks for responding. See ya Sept 30! :D
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    We'll all be there. I will bring my tool drawer that NO ONE else is supposed to use, but always has tools missing from it to help install the locks. Done it before, several times!!!
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'll be there, Kolleen. I'll bring deviled eggs- they seem appropriate for the occasion, don't they? Eggs for your spawn and devil for his actions ;)

    Hang in there.

  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'll bring chocolate. :D

    I have that sort of trouble with Travis. He has 1 chore around here. Take out the Trash. But it's like pulling teeth to get him to do it.

    So tonight is trash night. And since Nichole and I've been cleaning up the back yard there was a mountain of trash and junk to go to the curb. When I told him to do the trash he just looked at me and said Later.

    Tonight I tried something that worked when he was younger. I told him to come HELP me with the trash. That got a much more acceptable response. And he did help. :D

  7. Kolleen

    Kolleen Guest

    Yeah I asked him if he wanted me to help him move his TV into the corner I cleared out for it.............. but noooooooo of course not. I've pretty much given up using all the stuff I used when he was younger. He's 23 for heavens sake!!! And besides nothing works. Occasionally thru last year could motivate him with some cash............. but even that was like world war 3. Not worth the effort!!

    We rarely speak to each other............. Just works better that way.

    I must mention I had asked him to and that he actually brought his dishes up last night, and monitored the volume of his TV. Now is that a miracle or what? How sad to look for scraps of anything from him. Oh well.

    Off to Parent Meeting tonight. A Great group!
  8. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Kolleen - I'll be thinking of you. Stay strong! Read my post on "drugs and substance abuse" about difficult child moving out. It has been 4 1/2 weeks now. I am cleaning out his room. He is not happy about it, says he will do it -- sure, when? Now I'm just taking charge and if he doesn't like it, too bad. I will let him know when I have a bag ready for the curb or donation and will give him a week to come by and look through it -- after that, it's gone. The things I know he will want some day I am willing to pack up and keep in my basement for him...

    I must admit I have had several crying sessions as I pack up his stuff -- things from when he was young. Cards from him from his grandma and grandpa. Things I bought him he was so exicted about, like Harry Potter stuff. Notes from me that used to mean something to him and he pinned on his bulletin board. Pictures his sister drew him. Tokens of love and caring from his family that he is now rejectting and treats so shabbily....And things from his senior year -- progress reports from school which I never got, which showed him failing most of his classes. It is hard to let go of the dream of who you thought this child was going to be.... It is hard because you feel like that child is gone and who is this new person that won't do ANYTHING to make his life better?

    I see from your posts that you have been through this before. I am sending ((hugs)) your way as you face it again and hope things work out for you.