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Another vent! I cannot stand him sometimes...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 330404" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I do.</p><p></p><p>And yes, he sounds very Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). High-functioning.</p><p></p><p>MWM is right, a lot of doctors don't get it. They forget tat every Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid is different. As for being too engaged - they have got that wrong! easy child 2/difficult child 2's pediatrician says she's not Aspie because she makes good eye contact. But she only makes good eye contact with people she knows, she has to force herself to with strangers. Plus she's 23 now, she's adapted a great deal.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is fully on the spectrum and has always made good eye contact, even with strangers. He's outgoing, loves being around people, will approach total strangers.</p><p></p><p>Your son - sounds like he anted to go to the party, wants to be around other kids, but when it comes down to it he finds it a bit overwhelming. Not just anxiety, but there are other issues as well. </p><p></p><p>And as for him abusing you on the way home - it's "post-party let-down" and it's normal for a lot of kids, especially the highly strung ones. I used to be involved in various drama groups and would find what I called "post-performance hype" would stop me being able to wind down and get some sleep after a show. A lot of us would instead hit the town and crawl from club to club, or pub to pub.</p><p></p><p>With the post-party letdown, it's a feeling of anticlimax and frustration. The party wasn't exactly as heexpected it to be and he's lashing out at everybody within range. It's not personal. That is why, once it's out of his system, he feels OK again and from his point of view, there is no problem. HE feels OK and so therefore everybody else does too.</p><p></p><p>That fits with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Very egocentric. We still find, with difficult child 3, that he expects us to know what is in his head. He will be watching a show on TV, knowing that we're watching something different (that's why he's watching his show elsewhere) and will laugh out loud and say, "Wasn't that funny? What did you think when the dog bit the ball?"</p><p>He will remember when we remind him, "We're not watching your show," but sometimes he will still say, "Did you like it when the dog then ran around in circles looking for the ball?"</p><p>It's theory of mind - as they get older they do learn it intellectually, but in the moment they can still forget.</p><p></p><p>What works when handling these kids - you get in their heads and think the way they are thinking. That makes it easier to understand them and know what will work and what will not.</p><p></p><p>For future reference - when he's abusing you or shouting at you, stop. Stay calm but simply say, "I'm not shouting at you. Why are you shouting at me? Why are you calling me names? How are you feeling? Why do you think you feel this way? What has happened to make you angry?"</p><p></p><p>Sometimes you need to wait until they are calm to try this, but we've found as we get further along the road with difficult child 3, we can begin to challenge the inappropriate behaviour as long as we stay calm and help him stay calm. He values our efforts to help him stay calm.</p><p></p><p>In other words - don't react to his anger, don't take it personally in any way, it's actually not directed at you no matter what he says. Instead, treat his anger as if you are a bystander at a car accident and you're listening to the car driver (who has miraculously survived wrapping his car around a pole) swear and scream at the damage done to his car. What you are hearing there is shock, fear, anxiety and adrenalin overload. Too much adrenalin (which triggers fight or flight) is still zinging around his body and it needs to be used up somehow, in some way. </p><p>Would you tell that car driver, "For heaven's sake, stop swearing at me! Calm down, you shouldn't use language like that!"</p><p>Or would you understand because if that had been your Lamborghini, you'd be swearing too?</p><p></p><p>It does get better with time. It gets better faster, the sooner you can find a way to handle him in a positive way. "Explosive Child" helps.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 330404, member: 1991"] I do. And yes, he sounds very Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). High-functioning. MWM is right, a lot of doctors don't get it. They forget tat every Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kid is different. As for being too engaged - they have got that wrong! easy child 2/difficult child 2's pediatrician says she's not Aspie because she makes good eye contact. But she only makes good eye contact with people she knows, she has to force herself to with strangers. Plus she's 23 now, she's adapted a great deal. difficult child 3 is fully on the spectrum and has always made good eye contact, even with strangers. He's outgoing, loves being around people, will approach total strangers. Your son - sounds like he anted to go to the party, wants to be around other kids, but when it comes down to it he finds it a bit overwhelming. Not just anxiety, but there are other issues as well. And as for him abusing you on the way home - it's "post-party let-down" and it's normal for a lot of kids, especially the highly strung ones. I used to be involved in various drama groups and would find what I called "post-performance hype" would stop me being able to wind down and get some sleep after a show. A lot of us would instead hit the town and crawl from club to club, or pub to pub. With the post-party letdown, it's a feeling of anticlimax and frustration. The party wasn't exactly as heexpected it to be and he's lashing out at everybody within range. It's not personal. That is why, once it's out of his system, he feels OK again and from his point of view, there is no problem. HE feels OK and so therefore everybody else does too. That fits with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Very egocentric. We still find, with difficult child 3, that he expects us to know what is in his head. He will be watching a show on TV, knowing that we're watching something different (that's why he's watching his show elsewhere) and will laugh out loud and say, "Wasn't that funny? What did you think when the dog bit the ball?" He will remember when we remind him, "We're not watching your show," but sometimes he will still say, "Did you like it when the dog then ran around in circles looking for the ball?" It's theory of mind - as they get older they do learn it intellectually, but in the moment they can still forget. What works when handling these kids - you get in their heads and think the way they are thinking. That makes it easier to understand them and know what will work and what will not. For future reference - when he's abusing you or shouting at you, stop. Stay calm but simply say, "I'm not shouting at you. Why are you shouting at me? Why are you calling me names? How are you feeling? Why do you think you feel this way? What has happened to make you angry?" Sometimes you need to wait until they are calm to try this, but we've found as we get further along the road with difficult child 3, we can begin to challenge the inappropriate behaviour as long as we stay calm and help him stay calm. He values our efforts to help him stay calm. In other words - don't react to his anger, don't take it personally in any way, it's actually not directed at you no matter what he says. Instead, treat his anger as if you are a bystander at a car accident and you're listening to the car driver (who has miraculously survived wrapping his car around a pole) swear and scream at the damage done to his car. What you are hearing there is shock, fear, anxiety and adrenalin overload. Too much adrenalin (which triggers fight or flight) is still zinging around his body and it needs to be used up somehow, in some way. Would you tell that car driver, "For heaven's sake, stop swearing at me! Calm down, you shouldn't use language like that!" Or would you understand because if that had been your Lamborghini, you'd be swearing too? It does get better with time. It gets better faster, the sooner you can find a way to handle him in a positive way. "Explosive Child" helps. Marg [/QUOTE]
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Another vent! I cannot stand him sometimes...
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