Ant and Kaleb

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by antsmom, Aug 22, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    no word on the summons. it is weird as I have seen it online and it hasnt been mailed to ant yet, so I still have not told him about it. he is depressed enough. he is drinking, reclusive alternating with womanizing. he does go to work every day.

    kaleb was in town all week last week and ant only saw him a couple hrs. ant said would rather kaleb be with me. I am not interacting with ant much at all and only accept his calls once a day even though he tries to call more often. he said he doesnt want anything, just is depressed. saturday I went to his apartment with kaleb so ant could tell kaleb goodbye. ant was in bed, it was 1pm, there were empty quart bottles of colt 45 all over the place. ant just looked up, said he was tired and for us to leave. we did.

    as for Kaleb, I am in a quandry. he loved being here all week and we loved having him. he went home sunday (he lives 3 hrs away). his mom let her boyfriend move in with them. I only met him 3X and he seems too quiet, never had kids, who knows what life is like for kaleb there now. the thing that bugs me is that he is still left with an 11 yr old either from noon to 7pm and sometimes from 5pm to 3 am while his mom bartends. this 11 yr old lives in the project with them. she also watches her two younger brothers and her sister. she watches them all in kaleb's apartment while the mother of the other kids sleeps and plays on the computer in an upstairs apartment.

    when I call Kaleb is screaming bloody murder almost every time. the young girl says he is just mad, or that he hurt himself, or some other excuse. he will not get on the phone with me. this has gone on most of the summer, or the girl says he is out playing. he is three.

    once I called and he was outside playing and his mom was an hour away in a mall with her boyfriend. the kids were watching him in the yard.

    one day I called and a 14 yr old girl and her older boyfriend were in the apartment-kaleb not home.

    I hate this and told Kaleb's mother. she screamed at me that I was a bad mom after all look at how ant turned out. she told me she will do as she pleases as she is kaleb's mom. I asked her to please get a daylight job and let Kaleb go to the daycare the state pays for, or get adults to watch him.

    she hung up on me. I called her the next day and told her the next time I call and he is screaming while being watched by an 11 yr old, I am sending the cops to the apartment to check it out. I also told her I am looking into state laws on leaving 3 yr olds with young sitters for long hours.

    she hung up.

    that was yesterday. today I checked and PA has no laws on age of sitters. only two states do. I am sure she will withhold me from seeing Kaleb til she gets over being angry at me.

    ant called and said he was so depressed-he said I do not realize what his life is like. I told him to try being me, with a son who is a stumbling drunk who wont accept advice on a better life, and a grandson who is screaming and crying with no adult supervision. he doesnt realize what it is like to live my life. I remind him he has medications for anti-anxiety and to sleep and he wont take them. so he says goodbye mom and hangs up.
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry Janet. I am shocked that Florida is one of only two
    states with laws about babysitting preschoolers....usually our
    state is on the bottom rung.

    Sending hugs. DDD
     
  3. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Janet, call the police every time that you know that Kaleb has an 11 yr. old sitter. That is just too young. Call them when you hear him screaming in the background to do a welfare check.

    I've never heard of a law concerning how many hours a child is in daycare, because I have witnessed and read of many, usually single mothers having to leave their children in daycare for many hours so that they could work to support their families.

    I would go ahead and call CPS and make a report. It just isn't fair to our sweet little grandchildren is it? I love how his mother screams at you about her right to raise her son the way she wants, what about Kalebs rights to have a decent mother and father, a decent home to live in, decent child care, a stable home? And how his father can just lay in bed after boozing it up because he is tired! How convenient for him to tell you to just leave. :grrr: Too bad it's not just as convenient that Kaleb had decent parents. This is something near and dear to my heart and I get very upset knowing things are not right with our little people. Make that call!
     
  4. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Janet, as sad as it for Ant, my heart goes out to Kaleb. I hope she doesn't withold him from you. Being in your care seems like the only normal thing in his life. It must be heartbreaking to call and hear him crying. Something tells me she won't keep him from you, she'll want time without the responsibility. (((hugs)))
     
  5. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I would call CPS immediately. The situation he is in sounds like neglect, no matter how old the sitter is.
     
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I HAVE called CPS three times since he was born. they went and saw him once of those three times. they told me unless he has a broken bone or is left completely alone they can do nothing.

    hence, next time I call and hear him screaming, I am calling the cops in his town. she has been warned. I do believe though that she will simply instruct the sitter to not answer the phone.

    as for ant, his depression is his problem. he is 24 and knows what to do, when he is sick of his self inflicted misery, he will stop. I will not take kaleb to see him until his lifestyle changes.
     
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Janet- Your post just rips my heart out, How do you ever detach from Kaleb??? I don't think it would be possible. It has to be next to impossible to feel so helpless in regards to Kaleb... You are such a good woman, do not let his Mom drag you down.

    I have no advice, it seems everyone has chosen their own paths at this point, Ant specifically. Kelab's Mom will hopefully see the light and be guided to a smart choice.

    I am so sorry, this makes me so mad. That poor child.
    Sending hugs
     
  8. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Janet, I would call CPS too. In some places, it wouldn't even be legal for the eleven year old herself to be left on her own without adult supervision ... much less leaving her in charge of several other smaller children! <u> Please</u> make that call.

    Even a fairly mature, intelligent eleven year old is not equipped to take on this responsibility. They just don't have the knowledge and mature judgement to be taking care of three other children. Letting a three year old play outside by himself in a housing project and watching him through the window is proof of this. It sounds like an accident waiting to happen! Kaleb's mom should have seen this herself instead of taking the easy way out. It sounds like this girl is one of those kids who has been put in the position of being the "responsible one" in her family while her mom sleeps and plays computer games. It's not fair to her either and she'll suffer for it too. Is Kaleb's mom getting some kind of government assistance for child care and it's going to this other family? Maybe in the mom's name but the eleven year old is actually the real "babysitter"? This stuff happens all the time.

    Maybe just getting that visit from CPS will be enough for Kaleb's mom to straighten her act up. Even if she's mad at first, I seriously doubt if she will keep him away from you for very long. It sounds like she's enjoying just being a part-time mom and wouldn't want to give that up. She's got a good thing going with you taking him off of her hands so often, and she knows it! She won't risk losing that. Let her get mad all she wants - Kaleb's safety is at stake.

    And by the way, what happens when the "babysitter" goes back to school? Who will be watching Kaleb then?
     
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh Janet,

    You are so on my mind. This must be heartwrenching.

    Kaleb is in my prayers, that until either the police or DCFS take action, God keeps him safe.

    And Ant is the source of his own depression. The good news is, it sounds like he may be hitting bottom soon. He, too, is in my prayers.

    Hugs to you.
     
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    donna, she doesnt pay the sitter or her family. the sitter's mom is glad her own 4 kids are downstairs instead of in her apartment so she and her husb can sleep and lounge.

    when the kids go to school, danielle works nights and only after 5pm. (I asked her that myself)

    I just got off the phone with the police in her town. the officer I spoke to gave his sympathy but said this is common in that housing project. he said there is no law about age of sitters. he said all they can do is go check it out if I call them. again, he said unless the kids are hurt or in danger, nothing can be done-even if left alone with an 11 yr old sitter. he described the insides of the bldg and how they let the kids wander around the inner apartments with security doors propped open and how the kids are left out to play and watch one another. unless one gets hurt, no one checks. he was the corporal of the dept.
     
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Call CPS, call the cops, make the attempts to get someone involved, but mostly just pray. Poor little guy.
     
  12. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I just want to make sure they know I called. I also want danielle to know that I am watching as best as I can over my grandson and I will not go away.
     
  13. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Warrior Grandma :warrior: Keep up the fight!!! He needs you!!!
     
  14. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet,

    I cannot imagine a mom leaving an 11 year old in charge of that many children. In my state, you can be charged with child neglect if you leave a child under 12 home alone!

    I'm not sure what you can do about the situation because she is so far away and apparently it's not illegal. Unfortunately Kaleb is paying for the deficiancies in his parents. Sad indeed. Keep plugging.

    Hugs,
    Sharon
     
  15. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    sharon, you are right. VA has tough laws about this. I read them this morning. I will not tell danielle anymore when he is crying or what I know. she told me "it is getting old hearing this stuff". next time, the cops are sent and the next time and the next. God watch over Kaleb meanwhile.
     
  16. Liahona

    Liahona Active Member

    I'm not sure about your state but here the state will pay an immediate family member to watch a kid. They paid my sister when I was a single mom. Is there anyone else to watch him? If he lived closer you could watch him.
     
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Janet...what are the two states? NC and Fla? I ask because I was found guilty of neglect for leaving Cory alone with Jamie when he was 11 and Jamie was 13! So I find it very hard to believe that it is perfectly fine and dandy for someone to leave a 3 year old alone with an 11 year old. Oh...and my mom almost got into trouble in SC because she left my six year old (at the time) alone with my elderly grandmother while she ran to the corner store to pick up a gallon of milk. She was gone 10 minutes tops but during that ten minutes the hospice people happened to pull up. The six year old was my oldest and quite mature and sedate and my grandmother was bedridden so she wasnt going anywhere. Billy was quietly watching cartoons till he answered the door.

    And she lived in a trailer park and the store was at the end of her road in the park. She was about 5 trailers from the store. So...it is a big deal in SC too. Maybe its a southern thing.
     
  18. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    illinois and maryland sorry, I misunderstood about VA. they have guidelines.

    the others have guidelines.
    PA has nothing.

    danielle can get a paid for sitter. she refuses. I live 3 hrs from them. she can also get free daycare but wont get up in the morning to take him. you cant just drop them off, it has to be scheduled. she cant be bothered.
     
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have a different suggestion. Sadly, the laws in that community don't seem to be geared toward the protection of children!!

    Why not follow the newspaper and identify which reporter does
    articles about children, education, health, parenting..whatever.
    Then call and make an appointment to speak "off the record" with
    that reporter. Share the truth. Share that you are concerned
    about the safety of many children. Share that there are NO laws
    that protect children from inadequate supervision.

    Perhaps........just perhaps.........the reporter would find a real interest in this pervasive and sad situation. It couldn't
    hurt.

    Also, do they not have fully subsidized pre-K programs that would
    include daycare for Kaleb?? by the way do you still have contact with
    her alcoholic Mom? Does she "get it"??? DDD
     
  20. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Can you try to get custody? It would break my heart to see my grandchild doomed that way. Is it possible?
     
Loading...