Ant is back home.....uhg

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Mom2oddson, Sep 9, 2011.

  1. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Ant moved back home on Sept 1st. His story was that his roommates party all night and he needs sleep since he works, and he wants to save money to get his own place, etc....

    He's doing good in that he has a full time job and he's keeping the downstairs room clean. Of course, when easy child gets home this summer he has to share since it's easy child's room. All in all, he's doing good....

    but I'm not. Maybe it's PTSD from the old Ant but he drives me up the wall in his selfish, self-centeredness. The first week, I removed all my guest pillows off his bed and told him they were my guest pillow. When I went to get them ready for the company that is coming tonight...where were they?... on Ant's bed again.

    He scratched/ripped his cornea Wednesday night. When I got home yesterday, I asked him to take me to my Mom's because I need to borrow a car from her while mine is in the shop. He couldn't drive me because of the eye scratch. No problem....until an hour later he drives to a friends house to hang out for the night.

    Then there is the fact that he won't budget his money and runs out of gas money before his next payday... when we don't give him money, he empties the gas out of the gas cans that we have prepared for winter power outages.

    None of this is more than typical teen stuff....but it is getting to me bad. Found out last night that it's getting to husband too. With us on different shifts we don't get to talk, but I woke up when he got home last night and started to vent about Ant. husband is on his last thread too.

    I hate to be mean to Ant and kick him out, but dog-gonnit that boy needs to have some respect for his free room and board. I'm starting to wonder if his roommates didn't kick him out.

    Thanks for letting me vent.
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Free room and board?
    Did I miss something? It sounds to me like he is working - not going to school.
    There is no free ride in life. You either pay for or you work for (sweat equity etc.) whatever you get...

    If its free, it gets taken for granted. Might be one of the factors?

    If you don't feel right about "taking" $$ from your son, you could always put it in a separate account and save it up for if/when he gets married or buys a house... just don't tell him NOW what you are doing with the $$. It will still teach him the value of what he has... and you can feel good knowing you're helping him both now and in the future.
  3. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I am in the same boat as you are right now and Kat is driving me CRAZY! She's a selfish idiot and acts like a 14-year-old (who has a baby no less), then gets mad at me for picking on her about "every little thing." She does the exact same kind of selfish things and then can't understand why I can barely speak civilly to her. It's to the point now where her just doing normal things makes me want to punch her in the face. I told her she has until Oct. 15 to find her own place. I'm over it.

    She's doing much better too- she has a part-time job and is back in school, but just the daily stupidity and lack of actual human knowledge of just being respectful and responsible drives me insane. She needs to go. The sooner the better, but it's hard because I worry about the baby. She has much more structure while they are staying with me, but there's only so much I can do. And my tenious sanity will only hold out a little while longer. I'm so feeling your pain!(ARGGGGGHHHHHHHGGGHHHGHGHGHGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Sorry, STEALING you gas goes beyond typical teen stuff. I'd write up a bill for that.
  5. mrsammler

    mrsammler Guest

    "he empties the gas out of the gas cans that we have prepared for winter power outages." He's STEALING from you. Why are you letting him live with you?
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    He is twenty. NOt a green 18yo. He is a MAN. I had a child by 22 and know many who had them earlier. We all worked and paid bills even if we were in school. WHY is he working and living with you for free? Is that REALLY the way to encourage him to be a man?

    Real men, regardless of age, pay their way and don't steal and respect their parents.

    Next time you find a gas can empty, go and call the cops, make them fingerprint it, and Ant, and if he is the one who took it then you press charges. What is going to happen if you think there is plenty of gas but he has filled his tank and his buddies (because he is going to fill their tanks from it in exchange for pot or whatever he wants at that moment) and then winter will hit and you will be suddenly with-o any gas and up a creek in a serious way with-o paddle or canoe.

    What does he have that HE really likes? an ipod? a phone? go and take it. Do to him the inconsiderate things he has done with your good pillows. Heck, use his best shirt to mop the floor - and say you didn't know it would bug him like he didn't know that using your good pillows and stealing your gas would bug you. I know it sounds childish, but SOMETIMES they need that tit for tat to grow up. It is part of why my dad could get Wiz to grow up and behave decently and we couldn't. My dad is an undx'd aspie and knows exactly what to do to upset wiz when Wiz is being a jerk. Gpa backs off when Wiz backs off, but Gpa can escalate to levels that terrify Wiz because Wiz knows that no matter how creative he is, my dad had fifty years of treachery and skill built up and will use it against him at whatever level Wiz picks.

    There is no reason for him to live with you and not pay his way, or for him to steal from you. Period. Also, why should easy child have to put up with him? She is a easy child, and has done NOTHING to earn that type of punishment, has she? How is letting her see Ant slacking off, not paying rent, not going to school, not helping out, stealing from you, supposed to convince her to stay easy child? All a easy child gets is hard work to take care of herself. A difficult child gets fussed at but NO real consequences for STEALING, driving a vehicle while impaired (you have no depth perception if one eye is damaged and that makes driving very very dangerous for everyone around you as you drive). I would have taken his keys or taken parts out of his engine the next time he came in the house. WOuld NOT have EVER admitted it, but between the eye thing and stealing gas, his car would only run when I wanted it to. And yes, I DO know how to disable the engine in ways that most mechanics couldn't find. Only takes a pencil. and an eraser to fix. But very few mechanics could diagnosis it as it is something that I learned from an OLD mechanic.

    Anyway, why should easy child stay on the straight and narrow when acting badly, treating people badly, gets so much more both in financial ways and privileges? Cause if you are not giving consequences for stealing the gas then you are giving it as a privilege. I can tell you that this has crossed easy child's mind more than once - she might not admit it, but it has occurred to her. I know because I was the easy child with the gfgbro. As a teen he stole or ruined almost ALL of the tools my mother got from her dad. My gpa had a hardware store and we value tools far more than jewelry or many other things. But I did what I was supposed to pretty much and ended up with a fat lot of nothing because gfgbro broke locks and took what he wanted after my folks finally locked up stuff because they realized he was just ruining them to ruin them or even pawning them. You need to really think about the message you are sending easy child by letting Ant walk all over you the way he is. He is NOT going to learn, but easy child is and you won't like the lessons she eventually will get.
  7. Star*

    Star* call 911

    If you lock it when you leave it - you'll find it where you left it.

    LIKE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THE FRONT DOOR.........change the locks......put this things on the lawn in bags.......and a note saying all the things you just wrote to us. And as far as the gas ------I'd leave the cans out there and say "We'll consider allowing you to move back in when these are filled. Then we're gonna talk about some NEW respectful boundaries - dont screw with us" - Mom and Dad.
  8. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I am with everyone else, hon. Time for him to be a man...
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    typical teen or difficult child matters not....but they things he does would annoy anyone! Don't let me treat you and husband this way. If he does that is what he is learning about you two. That he can do whatever he wants.

    Things are different when you are 20. He should be paying rent now. How can he run out of money for gas? Does he not know that he has to make choices about going places during the week based on how much he has? He knows - he just figures he has a stock pile of gas to pull from.

    Seriously, if he can not budget his money and runs out of money for gas. Why doesn't he just ask if you would hold $40 for him for those times he needs it. He does it over and over - he HAS to come up with a solution.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Been thinking of you and Ant.........

    Anything changed? Are things any better?

    Hugs :& Love
  11. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Late to the thread but also want to know if things are improving or not. I sure hope for your sake that they are. I imagine this type of behavior is beyond maddening. Very positive that he's working. I hope he's prepared to do the rest of the work too that it will take for him to be successful and respected. Hope you're hanging in there!