ant is mugged

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by antsmom, May 5, 2007.

  1. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    last night, ant went to a bar in his new town. a tough town. he sat and drank til midnight. when he left alone...he went out on the street. he was 20 blocks from his apartment. two men offered him a ride home. when they got to a split in the road, ant told them to turn left, they said they had to go see their cousin first.

    they drove ant to another town. when they got there other men came up to the car, held a gun to ant's head. he gave them his wallet, ATM card (PIN number in wallet) his ID card, the key to his apartment, his cellphone. they told him to run or they would shoot.

    he ran to where there was a house with a light on. the people let him in. this town is very bad, worse than a lot of the inner streets of PGH. the people called the police.


    the police called boyfriend at 1AM and told him what happened. they said they had caught the men who did this because they had then stolen a car. ant would not sign papers against the men. he said he was afraid to be killed. I do not know if they were able to hold the men on the stolen car thing or not. boyfriend ended up being out til 3AM retrieving ant.

    ant would not go home with boyfriend. he went instead to another guys house near his apartment. he didnt want to even ride with boyfriend because boyfriend was yelling at him.

    needless to say, ant was in grave danger because of being alone in a bar in a bad area. again.

    he lost 600.00....his entire pay for the week. he will have to call the bank, get a new cellphone, and new ID card.

    it will not end til one of us is dead it seems. I was so mad at God last night too. I have prayed for my son since he was 13 to stop this violent dangerous lifestyle. why cant that prayer be answered? in fear and desperation I had him locked up from age 16 to 18. he was then locked up til last september from the DUIs. you cannot lock him up forever. that is bad too.

    all I want is for him to go to AA, work hard, and get sober. he was still so drunk when boyfriend got him. how cruel and evil for these criminals to offer a ride home to a drunken man and then terrorize him and rob him, and leave him to run with no phone, nothing and to find a place in an evil town!! ant was shaking and crying boyfriend said. will that be enough to scare ant from bars?? I want this to stop.

    God, please if you have a plan, and I do believe you do....could you please let it include making my son mentally well and sober?? if this is all part of you training ant then please do not let me be aware of the danger and fearful situations.
     
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am so sorry. I have been in this situation with family too many times you feel MAD and SCARED... tired of all of these feelings, sick of it.
    It is so hard to detach... when you fear for their lives. Sick of them putting themselves in these situations... I keep watching my brother do this to himself and his kids... I watched my Dad do it to.

    I wish there was an answer... who knows what the plan is. It doesn't seem very fair or fun at times. Does it???

    Hang in there. I know detach, detach, detach. Easier said than done. You will get through this.
     
  3. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    I understand. My faith is on shaky grounds myself lately. I think God has been putting Ant in these situations, to get through to him. God is listening to you. Ant is not listening to God.
     
  4. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I can detach from him living with me. I can detach from a lot of it. It is really really impossible to detach when a gun has been held to your son's head. I have not even talked to him. he has no inclination to call me. he knows I will not rescue or intervene. I just am sick of it all.
     
  5. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Oh Janet, I'm so sorry. My heart sunk when I saw the title of this thread. Of course, he's still your son and the thought of the gun to his head.....Ugh! :crying:

    Gentle hugs your way.
     
  6. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    thanks Loth. sniff I needed to hear that.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Janet. What an ordeal. What a life. {{Cyberhugs.}}
    Good point, Loth. :smile:
     
  8. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    his social security card was stolen as well. great.
     
  9. skeeter

    skeeter New Member

    ah, I'm so sorry.

    I understand his hesitation to "ratting" on these guys, but I really hope he changes his mind and presses charges and follows through with court. We see SO many that have cases dropped because of the witness not showing, and they go out and do the same thing or worse.

    Maybe this will put the scare into him. One can hope.
     
  10. Loris

    Loris New Member

    Janet, I am so sorry. I hope you or boyfriend can get him to go to the social security office to request a change of #s or at least report this to them. You'll both be in my prayers.
     
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Ah Janet...

    He will get it in God's time. Not yours, not his, not mine. He has to hit bottom. Rock bottom.
    Everybody has a different bottom. What you may think should be a wake up call, might seem like nothing to someone else.I repo'd cars for 5 years and was shot at. Didn't faze me. My mom was worried sick. Looking back, that was crazy of me to do.
    When one is active in the illenss of alcoholism and drug addiction, little else matters. I hold my breath as I type this, because I don't know you or Ant, but lying is second nature to an addict. I am not saying he lied about where his money went...but I know I lied about what happened to my rent money a bunch of times when I spent it on dope. Anything is possible.
    I am glad he is OK, and he is in my prayers. You are as well. Get to Al-Anon if you can.
     
  12. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Ant's Mom,
    I am so sorry, I can only imagine how scared you must be thinking of a gun being held to his head. How frustrating and sad not to be able to do anything! Hugs to you,
    Jane
     
  13. Ally

    Ally New Member

    Im glad ant is safe. Hopefully he can take something away from the seriousness of this incident and learn. Its not Gods fault, he can only try to lead, but ant has to follow and he doesnt seem to be willing to do this at this time in his life.

    Im keeping my fingers crossed that he stays safe.

    (((((hugs)))))

    Ally
     
  14. saving grace

    saving grace New Member

    Ahhh Janet I am so sorry to hear of this terrible situation. Ant will find his faith, I have faith that he will.

    If the men were caught, didnt they have Ants things? cellphone, wallet, etc...

    Each day in Ants life is another step closer to his fate, he will either get it or not. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later that he gets it, His poor body and soul cant take much more, he is destroying himself.

    Grace
     
  15. judi

    judi Active Member

    Janet - I am so sorry for this continued upheaval in your life. I know what you mean. It is better sometimes that we don't know the danger they place themselves in.

    husband and my heart just jumps when our home phone rings - everyone calls our cell phones but we keep the home phone "just in case."
     
  16. nlg319

    nlg319 New Member

    I am so truly sorry that this has happened to your son and to you...
     
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How very scary for you all. I feel bad for boyfriend having to deal with that at 1:00am.
    I am glad Ant is unharmed. Sounds as if he will continue to be unsafe though.
     
  18. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I agree. He really, really needs to turn them in. I've got my fingers crossed.
     
  19. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    :crying: I'm so sorry for you. How could ant put himself in such a terrible situation. I can only imagine how terrified and angry you are. It makes my stomach lurch to think of him being chased with a gun. I hope something gets through to ant.

    Has he ever had an intervention? Maybe he will respond if everyone and not just you, lets him know what his drinking is doing to those who love him.


    I just wanted to mention what an excellent guy boyfriend is. I wouldn't have done what he did for an almost step child or a friend who keeps doing the same sorts of things. I would have told him to call his dad or that he would be in to get him in the morning.

    My heart breaks thinking of the fear that must have gone through him and the horror when you realized your son had a gun to his head.
     
  20. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    boyfriend was wonderful. he went to the police station and stayed there. he said ant was totelly smashed out of his mind. he offered to bring him to his own home but ant wouldnt.

    I was at boyfriend's house when it all happened.

    today is even sadder. boyfriend offered to have ant move in his own house til another place could be found. boyfriend and I drove around for hours looking for places to rent for him. ant stopped over at Bfs with some woman. boyfriend opened his cupboards and gave ant food. ant begged to move in with me but I said no. we repeated our offer for ant to move in with boyfriend but ant said no. he had two women coming to his place tonight and was having other people over. he on one hand was terrified but on the other hand doesnt seem to want to give up being able to drink and :censored2: around. sad. one of the woman at his apartment has a handgun ant says.

    I talked to nick a bit ago...ant's brother the cop. he told me to not let him get me down, he chooses his lifestyle and refuses boyfriend offer to stay at his house. boyfriend has a great house and is safe harbour. boyfriend would never allow ant to drink. Nick told ant off and said for him not to call him again. he is fed up.

    boyfriend stuck his own neck out last night in a bad area for my son. sigh. he didnt have to. ant said he would rather die than live with his dad ever agaain.

    ant doesnt want an intervention he wants to drink and carouse. he knows who did this and will not tell. they live near him.

    social security will not issue a new number. they recommend you watch your credit. the ss number can be used to get credit. ant's is fried anyhow.

    I suspect they only want the cash in his wallet. the didnt even use his ATM card and he got the remaining money out this morning and bought a new phone and told the bank to inactivate the card.

    ant chose his life. he had other options. I cried all day. boyfriend and I will turn in early we are exhausted.
     
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