Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by lmf64, Feb 19, 2011.

  1. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    I've been around the boards for a long time, but spend long periods of time without even checking in.
    Does anyone here remember Ant's Mom? I think she lived in Pennsylvania or somewhere out east. I find myself thinking about her and everything Ant put her through and wondering what ever happened with them.
  2. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    Ant's Mom had posted an update in Teens and substance abuse side a while back. I want to say several months ago but it could be closer to a year by now. (times been flying by again - lol) Hope that helps.
  3. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    I remember her too, and was just thinking about her about a week ago.
  4. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    I also remember her. I think her last update was that Ant was doing well and was developing a father-son relationship with his child.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    She did post awhile back and her update was very positive. Ant was stepping up to the plate, she was helping out as needed and her SO was still in the picture. It was nice to read. DDD
  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    So weird, I also was just thinking about her.....hope she check in and all is OK.
  7. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    posted a long reply and lost it in cyber space. ugh! short

    thanks for thinking of me, I too think of those here and the journey to this point. I joined this forum in 1999 and would have lost my mind without the support, the late night chats, and the laughter and tears spent here during those early years.

    my son Ant, (I call him Tony now though) has certainly trained me a lot of things I never wanted to learn. you know way back when, I was given a "boundaries" by townsend and cloud book-it changed my life. I also was handed "codependent no more" by melody sister gave it to me. reading those two books gave me a backbone. I learned I did not have to tolerate things and was able to detach more and more from the chaos in my home.

    update is that I am still with my boyfriend of 7 yrs, he is a good man, and our home is quiet and peace-filled. we enjoy friends, and quiet times, no more middle of the night doorbells with a bloody son standing there, no more searching all night for a runaway teen, no more drug dealers banging out my windows, no more visits to jails and prison.

    my older son the cop is still wonderful and well. I used to laugh that I wanted a bumper sticker that said "my other son is a cop". The pain and embarrassment of Tony and his "antics" really were hard at that time and I needed to tell others I did not totally screw up as a mom.

    my three grandchildren (all Tony's- all different moms) are thriving.

    Tony lives with his fiancee and their 6 month old daughter, my older grandson is 7 now and Tony has sole custody.
    The middle grandchild lives with his mom and we keep in close contact. Tony's daughter looks a lot like him, wonder if she will give him a run for the money one day...hope not.

    Tony has been out of prison for over two yrs. (was there for his 4th DUI/plea bargain) No arrests since then..longest period since he was 13 where he has not been arrested! They are in the process of buying a house, both work good jobs. Took him a long time to grow a brain, and he still has some issues with frustration at times. When he is not respectful or appreciative of me, we spend time not communicating. Detach detach detach and let him live his life including being responsible for his own kids, house, etc. it is his life and I deserve mine. The 3 Cs have been a crucial part of my perspective on things:
    I did not Cause it
    I cannot Cure it
    I cannot Control it
    me making him cut the apron strings forces him to step up to the plate, he never asks me for a dime, but sometimes he would like me to mother more than I am willing. I remember Allan here saying "be good to yourself".

    I stay close to other parents with children in prison because I know what they are going thru. That was something that I will never forget. Life is good and I pray it is for all of you as well.
  8. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Good to hear from you and I'm really glad Ant (Tony) is doing so well. I remember all of his antics as he was like that about the same time as my difficult children. One of mine is doing well; the other one not so much but he is not in jail and has a job on the horizon so it could be worse. It' great to catch up. I feel like I've just found an old friend - even though we've never met in person, we've been through some deep stuff together.
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    so true, muttmeister
    I hope Tony does not make any more stupid impulsive decisions, next time he does it without me along for the learning.
    A big thing I learned is that like you could be worse. I know many many moms with kids in prison for life with no chance of parole. Even then, they are grateful that their kids are still alive.

    Some of you might remember that my first son died of heart disease when he was not quite 3 yrs old-1974.
    When I had my next two sons the big thing for me was that they live. JUST LIVE. I did not care so much if they were rich or important, but healthy. Tony took me to such scarey places in his life where I faced the notion that he would possibly die from his lifestyle. That is when I had to let go Let God.
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2011
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey Janet, from the other Janet! Nice to see you.

    Im about to beat you in the baby Cory is going for his second sometime in September. Not that we were hoping for another one for him right now but it is what it is. We will always love the babies.

    Guess what? My Anthony (Jamie), the one who went into the Marines and was the MP, is now in the Police Academy! He has been working for the Sheriffs dept since 07 (when he got out of the Marines) as an Animal Control Officer, but he is looking for advancement. Only way to move up careerwise is to move over into actual police work. Isnt it funny how we had such similar things...names, difficult child's and careers with the kids.

    Good to see you.
  11. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Hi ya, Janet! I do think somehow our names, difficult children and such are truly more than coincidence! When someone from this board sends me a PM or email, I pop in here and take a peek to see what you guys are up to! policework is a thankless job in many cases, around PA it is a lot of part time night turn no benefit work. my son works a ton of hours but they do not want to pay benefits. of course he works in a nasty area so if he is hurt on the job, and he has been...they pay for your medical care. I tell him not to even tell me what he did "at the office" today. lol I remember when my son was in police academy, they had to spray each other with pepper spray and taze one another so they knew what it felt like. ugh!

    My first grandson named me "nunny" even though I was ok with me being called Grandma. the name stuck. lol

    you always had the girls and I had the boy-grandkids, maybe Cory will bring you a boy this time??
  12. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Ant'smom, I've been trying to respond to your pm - the system won't let me:(
  13. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    I just wanted you to know that I will never ever ever listen to that song Da Do Run Run without having a memory of you and Ant pop up. I downloaded an album from Amazon of the oldies not too long ago and that song was on it - I had a little chuckle - SO thought I was cruising thru old memories of high school ROFLMBO

    Glad to hear Ant is doing well

  14. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Marcie, did you realize how old this thread is? It started ages ago
  15. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Hi there...I did have some problems today because I changed my email address in my profile. Once I did that, I never got the activation email. SO I just went in and set it again and looks like all is well now. PM is working now as well.

    Marcie, I do remember that night so well, along with all the other not-so-funny antics. My son is still doing well, got married this year and I love my new daughter in law. The 3 grandkids are all doing well. Took him a while, but he grew a brain. He is a soccer dad, works every day, is now a home-owner and thankfully boring and "normal"-whatever that is. lol
  16. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Hi AntsMom!!!! Missed you! Can't believe how well Ant is doing!!! Amazing - :)
  17. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    Thanks, Steely! I spent a long time here on this forum and do try and pop in and check on folks now and then. You know I was thinking that one of the first things I read here was the "chandler papers". My son followed that progression to a T, including the fact that now that he is older, there is no sign of who he used to be. This is only within the last few months that I notice he is social, has good friends, and loves to be with family, gets along with his coworkers, etc. I went back and read the chandler papers that I found online today. I think my son did everything they said could happen and it was truly heart breaking. I am so grateful that he is ok now. Prayer, friends, detachment with love, and time got me through. here are the chandler papers if anyone is interested:
    Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and Conduct Disorder (CD) in Children and Adolescents: Diagnosis and Treatment
  18. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So wonderful to read about the soccer dad! Warms my heart!

    Boring & normal is good! I am so happy for you!!!
  19. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    So wonderful to hear about your son. Reading your update gives me some hope for my difficult child. He does so much better then wham, he takes a nose dive. Then the cycle repeats itself. Please update more often. I enjoy hearing about difficult children turning themselves into pcs.
  20. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I have posted over 10,000 times, lol I am guessing... about my son... on this forum alone. Actually most of us were on for a long time and then we had a computer crash and now many of the old timers have the same "join date" of June 2003. I then went to a prison forum when he went to prison, I was so discouraged and needed to be around those before me on the path. I have posted over 6,000 times on there as well. I do check back here it seems about every 3 months and read a bit. My son has not been arrested since 2007, and is not on probation for the first time since 9th grade, so it is a time of peace and relief. I am grateful.

    My first post here was when my son was 16 and had been in trouble since he was about 5years old. Naw, make it since birth, he was a handful even as a baby. I found it very comforting to be among others who could understand having a kid like mine. I would not call him a easy child, (is anyone perfect??) but he sure is different now. He still gets impulsive thoughts but does think before acting. He still gets frustrated but never runs away anymore. He cares so much about family now. Before, he cared nothing about anyone but himself.

    You can get out of your son's cycles just by detaching with love. He might still go down the tub drain, but you won't be sucked in along. We all have choices on what we will accept and what we will not. For a long time, my tolerance level was way too high. He and I both know my limits now. I will never forget my brother telling me that the chaos would end when I chose for it to end. I told my son he could live however he wanted but I could too and I choose peace.
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2011