Any other difficult child's have attitudes after counseling?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Jan 25, 2007.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    difficult child had counseling today and I've been noticing for awhile now that a lot of days we have counseling, he's just a little snot that evening. Is it just my sweet innocent angel or has anyone else noticed this too? It's not usually (notice I said USUALLY) really bad but just enough "extra" to make you want to squish his head like on New Kids in the Hall. Tonight we got home and I told him that he had to do his study time that husband have had for him at various times depending on his grades. (PO told him last week that he will be going M-Th to a homework help program after school. He didn't go today because of his counseling appointment) OMG.....there were so many excuses and arguments on why he couldn't/shouldn't/wouldn't it would make your head spin. (and mine nearly did complete with the projectile pea soup) I finally got him in his room and after a bit opened his door to check on him. Of course he wasn't working on his homework so I told him to leave it open and Get. To. Work. A while later I checked on him again and he was somewhat flipping through one of his study guides but was also laying there watching a movie on his computer. (ooooook........time for THAT to come out) Then it was arguments over why he couldn't have his 2nd pot pie since we had been home (I was getting ready to fix supper), why he couldn't eat what I fixed, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif

    GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I'm just so sick of the arguing, the excuses, the whining, ARGH! Of course it doesn't help that for the third week in a row, husband has been out of town for training. (home on weekends but still) So I called the poor man and just went off on a "slight" vent while difficult child was in the shower. (cause he HAD to have one right that minute) If that man knows what is good for him he better find some spa to send me off to for a weekend (or month) and SOON! :hammer:

    Anyhoodles........I only meant to ask about behavior after counseling appointments but kind of veered off there. Sorry! Any observations, comments, invitations for me to visit???? :biggrin:
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I can only say that I normally feel kinda antsy after my appts. Normally I come home and email my thoughts on what we talked about back to my therapist and it helps me come down from the session.
  3. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I DEFINITELY can relate to what you are saying!!! For this reason, I usually dread having to take GFF1 for counseling. Unfortunately, GFF1 has an appointment tomorrow.

    So, is it ok if I join you on that trip to the spa??? I know I'll be feeling just like you are now by tomorrow night!!! Hang in there!!! WFEN
  4. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    YIKES my reply just disappeared!

    OK um, my husband always came home crabby after his day program. He came home livid very often after psychiatrists and sullen after tdocs. I too often came home from day treatment exhausted and feling like dog poop on bottom of someones shoe. First is the part that gosh, why do I hafta have this kind of problem that I have to go in the first place? I would much rather go with a friend for coffee or to a movie or stay home and watch TV. 2nd. It is painful to sit and dig deep into my pysche or brain, kinda like surgery OUCH..dig deep and pull up the bad gunk and examine it and go over just how crummy of a person I am. and then figure out what to do about it, too? NOT fun.
    Yes, my oldest difficult child came home from sessions exhausted, miserable, irritable.
    Very often we are reminded just how much we ruin everyone elses life becuz of our diagnosis. our actions. our behaviors. ALL my husband suicide attemmpts were just after a session. Oldest difficult child did most of her cutting either just before or just after sessions.
    Examining your deepest darkest self is not fun or easy.
  5. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    No bad attitude here - however, the tweedles always wanted to be rewarded for their therapist appointments. Then all heck would break loose.

    Of late kt is processing things a little more deeply; we're not seeing attitude. We're seeing some reflection & depression afterward. wm struggles to maintain during the appointment; to stay on task. The only time I know that wm is taking anything in is because he gets very silly.

    Not looking forward to that obnoxious attitudes after therapy. Heck, sometimes we're in twice a week with one tweedle or another. :smile:
  6. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    yeah it kept our house busy- day treatment was M-F 9-. Oldest difficult child often had 1-2 sessions with someone or another most weekdays. I had mine twice a week, and so did husband, and then psychiatrist also once a week for each.
    Tere was ALWAYS moods going on.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child often came out of her therapy sessions with an attitude. It was so that I began thinking the therpaist was pumping her up, giving her reason to come out and challenge me. Several times husband and I asked to go in alone before her session to tell her what we observed. In the end we stopped going to her because I do believe she was taking difficult child's side in what she thought was just adolescent acting out and overly strict parents.

  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    When I was in counseling for a few months as an adult, it was very difficult for me during the followup hours. As an adult I was able to set my own schedule and routine, spend time alone, schedule my appointment so I didn't have responsibilities after the session, not answer the phone or see other people if I didn't want to, etc. I think it would be very different and difficult to be underage, in a houseful of people, with responsibilities such as homework that were beyond one's control, to have to march to the beat of the family drum, etc.
  9. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    difficult child does well in his therapy appts, unless the doctor pushes a particular subject that he doesn't want to discuss. Then it can get ugly - and last well into the evening. His previous psychiatrist, though, was a different story. difficult child would go in there - lie on her tiny couch and cover his face with a pillow. Immediately. During the session, she and I would talk - and when she spoke to him, he would answer her from under the pillow. I think it has something to do with feeling like he's under a microscope or something. I guess I wouldn't be very good at the self-reflection thing, either.

    You're not alone, anyway. That's something, right???
  10. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    yep both of my difficult child's were like that. What really stinks is when they start misusing the techniques the psychiatrists give them. Mine used the anger managament of walk away and cool off to avoid all discussion of their negative behavors. Then when I woldn't tolerate it they would complain to the therapist that I was not compliant. difficult child's can and will drive you crazy. -RM
  11. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    We're all over the map! For me, I often feel very calm and centered after a counseling session. Occasionally, if I feel we didn't address something adequately, I will feel antsy, but usually not. I realize it's a process.

    Most of the time, difficult child is fine after a session. Occasionally, if the topic of discussion includes mucho scrutinizing of difficult child and her choices, she will be somewhat moody. But mostly, she's pretty good after a session. She hates to cry and those are the only times she becomes reclusive following a session.

    When difficult child was little, she would be bouncing off the walls after a session, but that counselor did a lot of EMDR with her and I think that may have brought forward a lot of her stressors at that time which contributed to her feelings of restlessness. She would often have meltdowns the following day(s). I do recall feeling like I didn't even want to bother, but her counselor was correct in saying that in time she would settle down. Once difficult child realized (or maybe never did) that the counselor was on her side and not an adversary, she seemed to go with it better.

    H, on the other hand, is a mean old sob after his session. He's only had two but both times he came home very crabby. In fact, the other night, he said, "I don't know about this guy" which is AKA, "I don't want to go to counseling, I don't need counseling, the counselor is making me talk about things I don't want to talk about, I feel fine, I'm not drinking, so why do I have to go through this?" to which my response is, "Well, you can make your choices" and say nothing more.
  12. MrsMcNear46

    MrsMcNear46 New Member

    Sweet Betsy was always violent and upset after every counseling session.

    One nite coming home we had stopped for Chinese. I had made the mistake of pushing her to talk to me about her session.

    Out of the blue, I was hit in the back of the head with a box of fried rice. Talk about a shock...almost put us in the ditch.

    I learned from then on to not ask about the sessions again.

    Good Luck,

    Mrs. McNear
  13. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I never thought about the "not liking looking at yourself" point of view before. I can see how that would be upsetting and/or frustrating.

    But, with that said, difficult child is sooo hard to figure out. He's been in counseling most of his life. He's actually been overheard counseling other kids (and saying exactly the right things) but when it comes to applying what he's learned/discussed in counseling to himself...nadda. Or he'll do the technique for a few days and then just quit. Considering my difficult child in particular, my best guess is that he's mad because he is still going but who knows.

    Also, someone talked about the counselor himself. difficult child gets along with his and likes him. I think the guy is around my age but he relates well with adolescents, which is his specialty. (I also like him as he's the first in a long line who has actually consistantly asked how husband and I are doing and suggested things we can do to help with stress. Plus he's pretty cute so it's always nice to get my weekly Counselor M fix! :redface: ) The only time we've really had a problem was when we had a female counselor. That did not go well at all so she referred us to someone else. I just don't think that at this point it's really doing any good no matter who difficult child sees. He's got it all down pat and will say all of the right things. For the most part whoever he sees can see right through this although he did have one guy very snowballed. But, we keep him in it, partly because right now he's required through his probation and also because I keep hoping something will click one of these years. He turns 18 in just over a year so I have no idea what will happen at that point.

    Thank you all for your input. It gives me a lot to think about.
  14. dreamer

    dreamer New Member

    something just occured to me, - some people see a counselor for affirmation, validation and maybe to vent? If that is the reason yu are seeing a counselor, and if that is what you are getting, then, sure how hard would it be to leavve there and be ok fine and relatively happy?
    some people go becuz they are trying to mov foraward beyond and past some trauamtic life experience or extreme stress. that can be hard and likely when you go to those kind of sessions, the traumatic event is back up front in your mind. If that event was profound enough to send you seeking counseling, it is likely it is not something that feels ral good to be thinking about or remembering.
    and then some people, very often our kids----go to counseling not becuz THEY sought it out, but becuz school, court, parents, CPS or someone said they have to. and very often it is becuz something is "wrong" with how the person being sent acts or behaves. So- before you even BEGIN the session, that is right there--"I am acting or behaving in an undesireable way" Most people do desire to be loved, be good, and get approval. It hurts no mtter if you are difficult child or not to know the people you love and or the people who love you think something is seriously wrong enough to send you to an expensive therapist. And very often at that type of sessions, it is hard work to have to face head on what everyone dislikes about us and uncomfortable to unlearn bad ways and relearn good ways. If we hit our head on a cabinet door we want to react, we do not want to have to stop and think abot our reaction and if it is appropraite. For many of our kids their actions and behaviors are as reflexive as ----um----well, crying out when he hit our head. and to sit and hear it and discuss it and all, it is hard. and we know "normal" people do not have to sit an hour a week and be confronted with THEIR shortcomings. Or constantly worry if every action and reaction is apropriate. Counseling sessions are treatment, they are treatment for a mental problem..and they can be every bit as difficult, painful and grueling as a chemotherapy session or radiation session or a hemodialysis session.
    If our parents have called ahead to "tattle" on us, we can fear our therapist will not "like us" and while the truth of the issue is it does not matter of therapist likes us or not, we all do strive in our soul for approval.