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<blockquote data-quote="everywoman" data-source="post: 266254" data-attributes="member: 1436"><p>Around here, we call it detachment. He doesn't go to school, then he faces the consequences. It is his responsibility. Do you think he doesn't know what will happen if PO finds out he has been truant? He knows. Your telling him isn't going to do either of you any good. When my son was at his worst, I worked on just keeping things that were his responsibility in his realm and our relationship in another. He knew where his behaviors would lead, so if he asked me, "Do you think I'm going to go to jail?" I'd say, well that is not up to me. I don't want you in jail. I quit nagging about school, homework, questionable friends. But, I also quit with the niceties. I didn't say unless you go to school, you won't get an allowance. I just quit with the allowance. In my house it became do to get. You do what you are supposed to, you get extras. You don't, you get was is needed---a roof over your head and food to eat. My difficult child watched his younger sister graduate from high school the night he was supposed to. He saw her get the new car. He saw her get the graduation presents. But, I never said you could have had them too. He already knew that. Detach. Detach. Let natural consequences come into play. You don't go to school, you don't do the work, you don't graduate. You don't have a job, you have no money. You break the law, you go to jail.</p><p>It's hard to do, but it makes your life so much better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="everywoman, post: 266254, member: 1436"] Around here, we call it detachment. He doesn't go to school, then he faces the consequences. It is his responsibility. Do you think he doesn't know what will happen if PO finds out he has been truant? He knows. Your telling him isn't going to do either of you any good. When my son was at his worst, I worked on just keeping things that were his responsibility in his realm and our relationship in another. He knew where his behaviors would lead, so if he asked me, "Do you think I'm going to go to jail?" I'd say, well that is not up to me. I don't want you in jail. I quit nagging about school, homework, questionable friends. But, I also quit with the niceties. I didn't say unless you go to school, you won't get an allowance. I just quit with the allowance. In my house it became do to get. You do what you are supposed to, you get extras. You don't, you get was is needed---a roof over your head and food to eat. My difficult child watched his younger sister graduate from high school the night he was supposed to. He saw her get the new car. He saw her get the graduation presents. But, I never said you could have had them too. He already knew that. Detach. Detach. Let natural consequences come into play. You don't go to school, you don't do the work, you don't graduate. You don't have a job, you have no money. You break the law, you go to jail. It's hard to do, but it makes your life so much better. [/QUOTE]
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