Any Suggestions?

[Alisonlg]

M is driving husband insane (and I won't lie...it's rather annoying me as well...but I'm more worried about husband's temper as of late). The past couple of weeks, M is just uncontrollably bossy, demanding, and repetative about it.

For instance, say we're going to go to the store...we all go out to the car...as soon as M gets into his seat and gets his seatbelt latched he barks in the most evil, nasty, deep throated, snappy, demanding way "GO!" telling husband to start driving, meanwhile the rest of us are still getting ourselves settled in the car and strapped in. One of us will calmly tell him, "M...relax...we're still getting strapped in...we'll be leaving in just a moment. :smile: " Not two seconds later does he rudely and impatiently shout, "LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as he starts to jerk his body in protest in his seat. And if we're not driving that second, he'll continue this constantly every 2 seconds!!!!

I just don't know what to do with him...It's NOT appropriate for him to talk to us like this, but at the same time I can see he's working himself up for a meltdown...but it's bizarre...I mean it's such an INSTANT trigger. And it's all day long! If we don't start the DVD player right away...if the pizza guy doesn't show up right after we call...if dinner isn't ready right when I start to pre-heat the oven...

What can I do about this? Any suggestions?

 

[Josie]

If this is new behaviour, could it be related to his medications? How long has he been on the same ones?

My daughter tried an a/d for about 6 weeks before her behaviour took a clear turn for the worse.

 

[Alisonlg]

He's been on the Celexa since June. The Abilify since August (had been on Seroquel since April prior to that).

He has a psychiatrist appointment in 2-3 weeks...I'm wondering if I should call and bump his appointment up? I have a feeling psychiatrist will want to just kick up the Abilify a bit, since I know he's commented in the past that he's had kids on higher doses.

 

[Josie]

I would call the doctor and ask what you should do or move the appointment up. Both of the psychiatrists I have used would answer questions like this between appointments without having to go in.

 

[Steely]

Sounds like he is either
A) Trying to control his environment, because he is feeling out of control of his own universe (i.e. school, siblings, etc.)
OR
B) He is just on an ultra, ultra short fuse because of a chemical imbalance

Either way, this can be such a trigger for adults, specifically males.

Maybe your husband can be the one to go to the psychiatrists appointment, and call the psychiatrist with his concerns so husband can feel more in control?

 

[TerryJ2]

Hi Alison,
Did you clone my difficult child? LOL.
This is his behavior exactly.
He is not on any medications except Adderal.
difficult child has curbed it lately, but it has taken a huge effort on our part. It CAN be done. Regardless of his medications, you will still need behavior modification.
This is where John Rosemond's advice comes in handy. (And our child psychiatric as well.)
First, I went on Effexor. It calmed me down so I wouldn't jump down his throat when he did that. (Rosemond never advises medications but he does advise being calm and consistent. Hey, whatever it takes!)
You cannot ever lose your temper at a time like this. difficult child will balk and walk. And you want him to stay in the car and calm down. So you set limits.
You also need a sense of humor.
Sometimes I imitate difficult child and make car noises and just sit in the seat with-o starting the car. (I have to chuckle at the thought of it.) Of course, that infuriates him, but my point is that I am not going to do what he says because I am in charge, not he.
I have sometimes turned off the car and walked back into the house. When he comes storming back in demanding to know why, in a very calm voice I tell him that I will leave on my own schedule and he is not in charge, and the more he aggravates me the more I will decide to stay home.
In the beginning he will have a meltdown.
He will kick and break things.
But after a wk or two or month ... he will learn that you mean biz. It is slow but he will learn. That's where my antidepressants have given me the patience of a saint.

I would suggest scheduling "fake" errands. But everyone has to be in on it with-you... husband, easy child, friends, whomever. If difficult child behaves, you can really go where ever ... a movie, grocery store, etc. If he growls and turns into Damien in The Omen, you stay home. I mean, literally turn the car around if you have to.
Everyone goes home.
Once difficult child gets the picture, he will back off.

This is good training for both ADHD/ODD and bipolar ... they have to learn to control their own fuses, too. Better they should learn it this way--in private with-family--than on a crowded airplane 20,000 ft. up.

Good luck! I know EXACTLY how you feel and it is SOOOOO aggravating! But do not give in. The more you give in, the more control you give him.

by the way, my difficult child came close to doing that sort of thing tonight because I gave him permission to sleep at a friend's house. (They have no school tomorrow ... teacher's conf. + local elections, so bldg is occupied.) I made difficult child eat MY dinner because he came up with-a ^&#$ story about eating at his friend's. I had already talked to the mom and knew she was not feeding him. I made him do his regular chores. He was not pleasant but I turned off my ears and eyes and continued to eat... by myself at that point. He finally started to get the drift, and said, "Can we go when you finish eating?"
"Yes. That will be in an hr."
He didn't like that. But he did his chores, packed his bag, got his toothbrush, etc.
He bugged me again and I told him if he bugged yet again, there would be no overnight. He shut up.
(The key is that you have to go through some awful time when you really do cancel the overnight, and experience a total meltdown. Hopefully, it will only happen once.)
Then he insisted I go in the car, but I had a phonecall to make. He said HE was going in the car. Fine. I made the phonecall.
We left on my schedule.
He thanked me when we got there. :smile:

 

[TerryJ2]

Good idea, Weeping Willow!

 

[meowbunny]

As I've explained to my child since she was 4, I cannot drive if I am upset. I might do something stupid and we could get hurt. I've always told there is only one person in the car who truly has to be comfortable -- the driver. So, if she starts yelling or whatever, I simply pull over as soon as possible and park until she has control of herself. If it is before we leave the house, I get out of the car and go back inside. I don't say a word. Like WW, it took awhile but she got the message. Now, my only problem is when she is driving and I'm stuck listening to her music because she has to be "comfortable." rofl